


Honey in the Milk

by halforclover



Category: Original Work
Genre: Background Poly, Background Relationships, Begging, Cunnilingus, Curse of Strahd, Dream Sex, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fantasizing, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Masturbation, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Past Child Abuse, Praise Kink, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Indulgent, Slow Burn, Tension, first fic, fr y'all i hope you enjoy, go crazy go stupid, my dnd ocs, these bitches are truly the most oblivious people on earth, you will want to tear your hair out at how dumb they are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:22:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 58,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27090064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halforclover/pseuds/halforclover
Summary: When Jalen's usual coffee shop closes, his life is changed upon meeting an unusually warm and kind barista who seems to understand him like no one else, though of course she's only his friend.... Comfort can come in many forms. A smile. A conversation. An embrace. A gesture. A person. And sometimes comfort comes in the touching of hands as a warm drink is passed between two people who love each other but don't know it.
Relationships: Rashiz/Jalen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. A Headache and a Heartache

Jalen could have screamed. He stood in front of his spot to buy coffee on his way to work, glaring balefully at the sign in the window that read “Permanently Closed”. He figured that the sudden closure, on a Tuesday of all things, probably had something to do with the owner’s purported habit of blatant tax fraud, but the simple fact of the matter was that the place was on a direct route to where Jalen worked at the local college, so despite the owner’s dubious personal life, Jalen had been happy at least to have somewhere not too crowded to swing into before slogging through the day. Jalen felt a twinge of guilt for supporting the establishment but the looming prospect of the caffeine headache he was bound to get in the afternoon soon dispelled it.

“Poppy,” Jalen said as he rubbed his temples later that morning. The first twinges of his headache were taking up residence in his skull. “I know you really want to go in depth on drug use in ancient cultures, but I don’t think the dean is going to approve of you recreating those practices yourself.” He looked up at his student, a small calico cat-folk who at the moment looked crushed by Jalen’s words, her bottom lip quivering and eyes filled with tears.

“But professor, I don’t want to do anything else, and it’d be for the sake of the project,” she began to protest in a very loud and high-pitched voice, at which Jalen had to suppress a wince. This wasn’t helping his head at all.

“I understand that, Poppy, but I also think you need to hone your focus a little bit more on what our class is actually addressing, archeology, right?” He said gently. She gave him a small nod. “I still think your topic is fine for our class, it just needs a little fine-tuning. Maybe start with identifying specific evidence from dig sites, the civilizations we’ve been covering for this last week all have evidence of drug use, both recreational and religious. How about you start there?”

Poppy seemed to brighten considerably at this, nodding vigorously at his question.

“Alright, will do! Thanks Professor Elkader!” Poppy exclaimed, jumping from her seat and waving at him as she left his office. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” Jalen smiled at her politely until she turned the corner, then let his head fall to his desk, where it pounded pathetically, he opened one eye to see what time his computer read. 9:02.

“Shit,” Jalen whispered feebly.

By the time Jalen made it to his lunch break at 1:30, his head was screaming in pain and it was taking all of his effort not to cancel his office hours directly after in order to either get some caffeine in his system, or pass out. He didn’t much care at this point which one occurred.

A knock at his door made him glance up from his packed lunch of curry over rice. A handsome Triton stood in the doorway, grinning at him. His colleague, Horace.

“Hiya Jalen,” he quipped as he strolled in, turning one of the seats in Jalen’s office backwards and resting his head on his folded arms as he sat. He blinked up at Jalen impishly. “Why the long face? If I didn’t know you better I’d think you were about to bite my head off.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be teaching Anthro 101 right now?”

“Nope!” Horace grinned all the wider, revealing his alarmingly sharp teeth. “Kids had a test yesterday, wanted to give them a break. One of them cried during it, but it was also the first time I’d seen her since syllabus week, so.” Horace shrugged.

Jalen sighed through his nose, closing his eyes. Horace’s energy could be a little hard to deal with on a day when Jalen’s head _didn’t_ feel like someone was using a tiny sledgehammer behind his eyes. He felt a nudge at his foot, and cracked one eye open to see Horace gazing at him with genuine concern.

“Hey man, are you okay? Like really? You look like you’re gonna keel over any second.”

“I’m fine, it’s honestly really stupid. The coffee shop I normally go to just closed down and I didn’t have enough time to stop anywhere else. I don’t remember the last time I’ve gone without caffeine this long, and my schedule for both the morning and afternoon blocks is too full for me to ask if anyone else can spare from their Keurig.” Jalen pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to relieve the pressure. He shook his head, grimacing in an attempt to save face. “I’ll be fine really, just have to make it through till my 4:30 is over”

Horace’s face brightened once again, and he patted Jalen commiseratingly on the shoulder.

“Luckily for you, my friend, I happen to know of a new bakery that just opened up not five minutes walk from here. I’ll show you where it is after work. They make the most _divine_ croissants I’ve had since my sabbatical. And their coffee is like rocket fuel.”

Horace stood up, turning and pointing over his shoulder as he made for the door.

“Don’t go anywhere, I’ve got a Keurig in my room with your name on it.”

Jalen smiled wearily, happily surprised at Horace’s offer. The rest of the day passed in a blur, and Jalen soon saw himself being ushered out of his office by Horace with barely enough time to wrap his scarf around his face before the early November air hit him like a slap, the cold instantly sinking into his bones. Within just a few short minutes, Jalen was looking at the front of a small cafe, flower boxes filled with ferns hanging under the shop’s large windows. A black wooden sign with red writing reading _Le Chat Jaune_ hung above the door, a small symbol of a yellow cat curling underneath the cursive script. Considering that it was beyond past the morning rush, Jalen wasn’t surprised to see that the shop was closed, but was happy to see that the shop’s hours indicated the place opened well before he usually had to show up to work.

“So, what do you say we meet here at 7 tomorrow?” Horace asked. “I’ve got some kids taking the test late tonight and I want to go in early tomorrow to grade.”

“Sure, but-” Jalen squinted at Horace. “You _hate_ getting up early. What’s this really about?”

Horace simply grinned at Jalen, shaking his head and drawing his hand up to his lips to pantomime zipping them. “You’ll see tomorrow, my friend. You’ll see.” On that rather ominous note, Jalen and Horace parted ways. Jalen was quickly back at his apartment, and he sighed as he came through the door. His apartment was cold, quiet, and Jalen had to admit, rather lonely. What little spare room there was to begin with was taken up by Jalen’s book collection and vast piles of papers. He was too afraid to throw anything away, or even to organize, afraid of something getting lost, given that he was still working on getting his tenure. Jalen set about once again heating up some leftover curry with rice, this time adding some steamed vegetables to his meal. Being short on both time and to only a somewhat lesser extent money, Jalen often found himself making very simple large meals at the beginning of the week and just coasting off of them until they ran out. This led to a good deal of monotony.

Jalen sat at his small kitchen table and looked across from him at the empty seat. Even with the fact that the table was, by anyone’s standards, very tiny, that empty seat in front of Jalen made it feel enormous. Jalen quickly finished his dinner, adding his bowl to the yet relatively small pile in the sink that Jalen knew would increase all too rapidly in the coming days, and sat down to work on his thesis for tenure. It was only when Jalen’s eyes began to ache and he glanced up at his clock to see that it was well past midnight, and he remembered that he had to wake up early that Jalen cursed, and throwing on a too large tshirt, threw himself into bed, praying that he would fall asleep quickly.

🝰

Jalen had no such luck. His anxiety at oversleeping and missing his appointment meant that everytime Jalen was just about to drift off, his eyes would snap open and he’d have to check his phone for the umpteenth time to make sure he’d really set his alarm. This meant that by the time Jalen had actually calmed down, he had barely two hours before he had to be awake. He somehow managed to crawl himself out the door and to the cafe in order to meet Horace on time, who looked fresh and cheerful as a daisy, to Jalen’s surprise and jealous annoyance.

“Whoa there buddy, wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” Horace laughed, putting up both his hands at Jalen’s dead-eyed stare.

“Horace, this cafe better file my taxes for me or literally give me a caffeine drip.”

Horace simply laughed again, slinging his arm over Jalen’s shoulders to bring him inside.

The first thing that hit Jalen was the smell. It was like heaven itself had decided to combine every beautiful breakfast pastry into one sinfully decadent scent, layered over by a rich swirl of coffee that somehow smelled almost like a song. Jalen found himself letting out a quiet moan, and snapped his jaw shut in embarrassment. Horace guffawed next to him.

“I told you you would like it! Now pick out what you want to get, you can go first.”

Jalen craned his head up to see what they offered for drinks, but before he could get even through their list of coffees he heard a voice call “Next please.”

Jalen glanced down, and found himself missing the mark, his eyes going up once more once he realized that the person addressing him was taller than he was expecting. _Much_ taller. An incredibly muscular half-orc woman with leaf-green skin towered in front of him, looking at him expectantly with golden slit-pupiled eyes. Her auburn hair, of which there seemed to be quite a lot, was barely contained in a bun, and small frizzy curls were escaping from it at various angles. Two fangs curved up from her lower jaw, shockingly white and looking very sharp. Jalen saw a flash of movement near the cash register, and glanced down to see her beckoning him to come forward. Jalen felt himself blushing again at his stupefaction, the feeling of his burning cheeks throwing him into the familiar cycle of being flustered by how flustered he was as he stepped up to the counter.

“Rough night, huh?”

The suddenness of the question shook Jalen completely out of his loop of embarrassment, especially as now that he had a face to the voice, he realized how very _kind_ this woman’s voice sounded, almost as if she genuinely wanted to know about how he was. She was smiling, and Jalen was surprised to see how quickly those fangs of hers looked more friendly than feral.

“Afraid so, I had a hard time sleeping.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place,” she replied. Giving him a quick once-over, she continued, “It looks like you’ll probably be wanting something on the stronger side. Care to try our new Witches Brew Blend? Actual witches created it.” She leaned closer to him, glancing side to side conspiratorially, and holding her hand up to stage whisper behind it. Jalen felt himself leaning forward automatically. “Some claim it lets you see extra colors for around two hours after drinking it.” She winked at him.

Jalen found himself laughing at her friendly demeanor, some of the weight of fatigue leaving him.

“Sounds perfect.”

She grinned at him more widely, gesturing to the display case of pastries next to her, almost full to the brim, scones and muffins, breads and bagels crowding in next to each other. She pointed to one with a pale crust topped off with a dark purple, almost black fruit. “I suggest our blackberry and elderflower tart. I promise it’ll pair well with your coffee.”

Jalen nodded to her, and she efficiently snagged him one of the tarts, glancing up at him from through the glass display. She asked him something, but her voice came through as though she was underwater, the case muffling it.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” he said through his chuckle.

Another garble, then her eyes went wide, and she shot up from behind the display, looking sheepish. “Sorry, sorry. Did you want this for here or to go?”

“To-”

“We’ll have it for here, please,” interrupted Horace, coming up from behind Jalen, who frowned.

“I thought you had grading to do,”

“Oh nothing that can’t wait a few minutes.”

Jalen looked back at the woman, who looked unphased. “Sorry, I’ll have it for here then, if that’s alright.”

“Of course,” she replied placidly. “Your total is $4.36.”

Jalen was surprised at the relatively cheap price, and even more so by the fact that, even though he’d never said what size drink he wanted, she had rung him up for a large coffee, which was exactly what he had been thinking of. He made sure to tip her 20% and a little extra for it. She smiled at him again, holding out his receipt. Their fingers brushed just slightly as he reached for it, and Jalen almost gasped. She was _warm_.

“Alright, your order will be ready in just a few minutes. You can pick it up just down there.” She leaned forward to gesture to the end of the counter, where a small station of stirrers and creamers resided.

“Thank you”

“My pleasure. Next please.”

Jalen stepped just out of line, turning to watch Horace order, only to have his stomach drop as he realized why Horace had brought him here. Horace had somewhat of a reputation among the faculty for being the most flagrant flirt in existence, and coupled with his looks, his attempts were often very successful. And Horace was definitely trying to flirt now. His eyelids were lowered to half mast as he practically sauntered up to the counter, leaning against it and smiling up at the cashier in what probably looked to the woman to be a sultry grin, but which Jalen just found smarmy. Jalen glanced up at the woman to see her reaction, and was surprised to see that, subtle though it was, her features had tightened in something akin to annoyance, though her expression remained polite.

“What can I get for you, sir?” she asked, and her voice sounded perfectly professional to Jalen, but utterly lacking in the warm tone that she had used to address him just a few moments before.

“I’ll have a medium caramel macchiato,” Horace said, his vocal register dropping to a low baritone.

“Would you like anything else?” the cashier asked, and Jalen could detect a hint of ice in her voice.

“Well now, I think I might.” Horace looked over at the display case lazily. “I’d like to know your name for a start.”

As Horace’s gaze was centered on the display, he failed to see what Jalen could, and Jalen wished to all the gods that Horace would stop talking. The cashier’s face had turned murderous for a brief moment, her eyes staring daggers into Horace, though she quickly evened out her expression. Jalen could still tell by the way she jabbed at the screen in front of her that she was furious. He winced for the poor thing, wondering how it hadn’t broken yet, just judging by her arms, let alone her anger.

“That’ll be $2.15.” The ice had come out full force now.

Horace looked up in surprise, clearly surprised that his usual tactics hadn’t worked.

“But I didn’t-”

“Would you like to pay in cash or card?” A glacier.

Horace frowned, handing the woman a handful of bills. She took it and made change quickly, not making eye contact. “Next please.” Jalen noticed that she hadn’t given Horace a receipt. The perpetrator himself huffed away from the counter, looking thoroughly put out, and Jalen took one last look at the cashier before retreating with him. She was helping the next customer already, her demeanor returned to her polite and seemingly jovial self. Jalen felt somewhat slimy just being associated with what had happened as he turned to follow Horace. As a result, he failed to see the lingering look that the cashier gave him as he walked away.

Horace stomped his way over to a table that was at the far back of the cafe, as far away from the counter as was possible, sitting down with his arms folded over his chest and shoulders pulled up, looking for all the world like a petulant child. Jalen sat down across from him, eyeing him expectantly. Sure enough, only a few quiet moments had passed before Horace began.

“I don’t see why she had to act like that, I mean I was just trying to be friendly.”

“A little bit more than friendly, don’t you think, Horace?”

“Well, what’s wrong with that? It’s not like I coaxed her to go make out with me in the backroom. Though now that you mention it…”

“Horace,” Jalen began sternly, but Horace put his hands up in defeat, mouth twisting in a wry smile. “I should have figured she was taken.”

“Ta-why do you think she’s taken? Just cause she didn’t reciprocate?”

Horace gave him a look as though he had never considered any other possibility. Jalen pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering why it was him of all people who had to teach Horace literal common sense and decency

“Horace, no one is obligated to like you just because you show them interest, or even if you really like them. Love them even. Not only that, but she’s _working_. She’s just trying to get her job done.”

“She was friendly enough with you.”

“Maybe that’s because I didn’t hit on her the minute I saw her, I mean she probably gets flirted enough with at work without you helping. Maybe she just appreciates when someone treats her like they’re not vying for some goal. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Horace looked at Jalen for a moment, frowning thoughtfully. “I hadn’t thought of it like that.” Jalen heard his name being called, and looked up to see a young blonde girl placing his items on the drop off counter. He stood up only to feel Horace’s hand grab the sleeve of his coat. He looked down to see Horace gazing up at him imploringly. “Could you still ask her coworker if she’s single?”

Jalen gave Horace his best teacher glare, and continued on to grab his breakfast. When he picked up his plate, he saw that there was a bag sitting next to it. Glancing down into it, Jalen saw that it was another tart.

“Excuse me, miss,” he called out to the girl who had dropped his things off. “I’m afraid there’s been a mistake, I only ordered one of these for here.” The girl walked over to him, glancing at what she had dropped off.

“Um yeah, that’s not a mistake.”

“What?”

“I can take it back if you want, but it’s yours.”

“Oh, um- well, thank you,” Jalen stammered, picking up the bag.

“Yeah, like, no problem.” The girl turned back to making what was clearly Horace’s drink. Jalen retreated to their table, looking thoughtfully at his extra pastry. Horace was on his phone as Jalen approached, scrolling aimlessly through some social media. As Jalen got closer, however, he saw that it was some dating app, and by the amount of eggplant emojis he glimpsed on Horace’s screen, it seemed as though Horace’s ego wasn’t bruised by his recent fall from grace with the cashier. Horace glanced up as Jalen came near, and his face split into a beam when he saw the paper bag in his hand.

“Is that for me? Thank the gods, I’m starving.”

Jalen opened his mouth to contradict him, but Horace never did get a chance to order any food, and it wasn’t as though Jalen was going to be able to eat both. Jalen handed the bag over. Horace opened it like a kid opening a present, but frowned slightly as he took the tart out, looking back and forth between it and the one that was now in Jalen’s hands.

“How come your’s looks so much better?”

Jalen shrugged while taking a closer look at Horace’s pastry, noting that it did look slightly more crumpled than his own, the crust broken in places, the topping not quite evenly spread out. All this he noted while bringing his own tart to his mouth, when his taste buds exploded with flavor. Jalen nearly whimpered as the sweet yet rich notes of the topping flowed over his tongue. It tasted absolutely delicious. Remembering what the woman at the register had said, Jalen reached for his cup of coffee almost feverishly, barely patient enough to blow on it before taking a sip. It was just like the cashier had said. The coffee and the tart complimented each other perfectly. Jalen slumped back in his chair, simply letting the flavors roll through him. Horace watched all this looking somewhat concerned. Jalen couldn’t bring himself to care, simply taking another sip of his coffee and feeling as relaxed and at peace as he had all year.

Horace finally took a bite of the tart, looking down at it appreciatively as he chewed.

“Okay, that is pretty good.”

The blonde girl called out Horace’s name, and he stood up to retrieve his drink, while Jalen continued to feel more and more like a puddle with every passing second. Horace returned with his drink in hand, but did not sit back down, instead saying, “I really should head over to grade those tests, I’ll see you later.” Jalen made as much of a sound of affirmation as he was able to before his breakfast dragged him back in.

Jalen stayed in the warmth of the cafe until his breakfast was done, and then sat in his chair for good measure, just taking everything in. He was starting to think that the cashier had been right about the coffee letting him see other colors, as it seemed as though his world was suffused with a soft, golden light almost everywhere he looked, though there was a particular brightness in one area of the room where the light seemed almost like a sun. The cashier. She wasn’t looking at him, still helping the steady stream of customers that continued to flow in through the door, even more than when Jalen had first arrived.

Jalen realized he had been watching her serve other customers for far longer than would be considered normal, and blushed, snatching up his plate and bringing it quickly to the return area. Jalen knew he couldn’t make eye contact with the woman without making his embarrassment obvious, so he left as quickly and inconspicuously as he could, shutting the door behind him quietly as if it would make the bell be muffled somehow.

The rest of Jalen’s day passed by in a blur, his classes and office hours keeping him too busy to think about the morning. Even his lunch was busy, as Jalen had just found an error in his thesis, an article that had been updated in just the past three months, and scrambled throughout lunch to amend it by adding the proper information to his work. By the time he came home to his apartment, he was _tired_. But he also felt strangely more awake than he had in a long time. He looked around his apartment, feeling like he was actually seeing it, and small though it was, it seemed like the size just made it cozy.

Jalen padded softly into the kitchen to fix himself dinner, and found it to be filling, but at the back of his mind he craved for that tart he had had earlier that day. Now that Jalen found himself with time to mull the morning over, he found himself rerunning everything again and again. The smell of it when he first walked in. The friendly cashier. His _food._ But then Jalen found himself remembering how Horace had acted and how upset it had made their cashier. It all came back in excruciating detail: Horace’s first attempt, her increased frigidness, Horace being unable to order anything besides his drink, her not giving him a receipt. Jalen frowned at that. Everything else made sense, but he still didn’t know why she had chosen to do that in particular. Maybe to reduce the risk of her and Horace touching hands? But she had already had to take the cash from him.

Jalen took out his own receipt as he was contemplating this, looking down at the seemingly innocuous slip of paper, reading over his absolutely worthwhile purchase. Then he saw it. Down, underneath his total and before a swirling “Thank you for your patronage” was a line that read, “Server: ”. He quickly looked at the listed name.

“Rashiz,” he said into the quiet of his flat. Something about that name seemed to fill the space for a moment before it faded, leaving Jalen with a strange tightness in his chest. Jalen stood from the kitchen table and made his way to his bedroom, still looking at the receipt as he sat, resting his elbows on his knees and frowning. He shook his head to clear it, placing the receipt on his bedside stand as he rose to get ready for bed. After brushing his teeth and throwing on yet another t-shirt, Jalen stared up at the ceiling frowning, a sense of disquiet roiling away. He turned on his side only to see his receipt, shining white in the dark. He reached for it, bringing it towards him tenderly, reaching for his glasses at the same time so he could read it by the moonlight that poured in through his window. His index finger ran over her name.

“Rashiz,” he said again, and that same sense of fulfillment suffused the air, until it faded once more, leaving him with that tightness. Jalen clutched lightly at his chest, turning again to look at the ceiling as he got lost in the memory of the morning. It played back to him like a film, and this time he tried applying the name to her face when she appeared, and Jalen smiled remembering how kind and friendly she had been. He breathed in sharply when the memory of their hands played back, the one that had brushed hers flexing without warning against the sheets of his bed. And then Horace. A burst of emotion flooded through Jalen then, something he wasn’t accustomed to. Anger. Jalen sat up, hand reaching up to rake through his hair as he wondered why this bothered him so much. He’d seen Horace flirt before, had even seen instances where the object of his affection hadn’t reciprocated, like today, but he had never felt this. Was what he felt just anger that Horace had bothered Rashiz while she was trying to work? Or was it something more? Jealousy?

All of a sudden, things seemed to snap into focus. Jalen’s enhanced reaction, his persistent thoughts, the tightness in his chest.

“I _like_ her,” Jalen whispered into the dark.


	2. A Resolution and a Regret

Jalen had had crushes before, especially in his childhood, but he hadn’t had one for a very long time now. As he brushed his teeth the next morning, he found himself still analyzing how the interaction between Horace and Rashiz had gone yesterday. Though he had stayed up a good hour past his revelation thinking about things, Jalen found he couldn’t let go of the memory. He knew that Rashiz had appreciated the fact that he hadn’t flirted with her, judging by the drastic change in her demeanor when Horace had tried something. She obviously wasn’t interested in anyone, least of all Jalen. She probably was grateful for someone who treated her just as a friend. He felt his stomach fall a little, a sense of loss filling the space that it left and curling up to make itself at home. He was disappointed, certainly, but that didn’t matter.

He wanted to make sure that he didn’t make Rashiz uncomfortable, no matter what his personal feelings were, so Jalen made the resolve, toothbrush still sticking out of his mouth, that he would hide how he felt about her until his crush went away. After all, they’d only met for around three minutes. The feelings would fade, like the others. Jalen finished getting ready, throwing on his scarf after hearing the wind roaring outside, shuddering at the prospect of his always too cold body being exposed to the harsh elements. Grabbing his keys from the small bowl next to the door, Jalen soon found himself in front of _Le Chat Jaune_ , which was disconcerting in that Jalen had planned on going right to university, and even more concerning for the fact that he had somehow subconsciously left early enough that he didn’t even have the excuse of being late. Jalen went in.

The smell hit much the same way as it had the day before, though this time Jalen was ready for it and thankfully didn’t moan. His bones could have sighed in relief as the warmth of the cafe went to work on dispelling the icy frigidity from his limbs, and Jalen felt a deep sense of contentment just to stand somewhere that didn’t make him feel like his nose was about to fall off. His eyes fell closed almost of their own accord, and Jalen felt almost as though he was being snuggled in an enormous blanket. Or at least he did, until a familiar voice broke him out of his reverie.

“Next please.”

Jalen’s eyes snapped open, and he blushed furiously as he looked up at Rashiz, who seemed amused, eyes twinkling as she smiled at him. He stepped up to the counter quickly, then froze as he realized he hadn’t even looked at their board to see what they offered, as the cafe seemed to run on a rotating schedule.

“Uhhh,” Jalen began, the epitome of eloquence. The fact that the temperature of the cafe had seemed to skyrocket in the past five seconds hadn’t helped matters. Rashiz merely chuckled, bringing her hand up to the screen.

“I’m going to ring you up for a large Elemental Roast and an everything bagel with lox and cream cheese. That okay?” She looked expectantly at Jalen, who merely nodded. Her smile broadened, and she announced his total, flipping the screen around so he could swipe his card. As he was doing so, she spoke again in a low tone, sounding much more serious.

“Could you apologize to your friend for me? I feel bad, I think I overreacted.”

Jalen looked up in surprise only to see that she had drawn closer given how quietly she was speaking. He could see her eyes much more clearly at this distance, and the gold of them seemed to shimmer with the intensity of her gaze. Jalen gulped, looking down at the screen to shield himself from it.

“I can,” he said as he punched in his pin. “But I don’t think you need to apologize.”

“Why not?”

“Well for one, he wasn’t exactly broken-hearted, and two,” Jalen steeled himself, meeting her eyes once again. “I get how that could be annoying. You’re trying to work after all.” She gave a small shrug and a nod, swinging the screen back around, reaching for his receipt. “Besides, I’m sure you must get irritated with people flirting with you all the time. I’m sure Horace was no exception, don’t worry I’m not- that is- I’m not the same, promise.”

Rashiz stopped reaching forward to hand him his receipt, looking at him in confusion. Jalen now felt like the interior of the cafe was a cauldron, his face on fire from embarrassment. There was absolutely no way of hiding his blush, and he had to look away from Rashiz almost as soon as he stopped speaking, glancing away to stare at his feet, begging that she wouldn’t put the pieces together. His receipt entered his view, held aloft by a strong emerald hand and he reached out to take it, but found that she wouldn’t let go even as he tugged on it. Jalen glanced up to see her looking at him with a rueful smile, and his stomach fell. She obviously understood what he was getting at. She let go.

“Okay.” Her voice was still quiet. “Thank you, really.” Her eyes looked a little sad, and Jalen was overwhelmed that she was kind enough to show him pity, even now. She gave him one last smile. “Next please.”

Jalen felt at once both relieved and filled to the brim with an unjustifiably deep sense of loss as he trudged to his table. As he sat, Jalen felt his phone buzz and looked down to see it was suggesting a wifi network called KittyCorner. Glancing up at the chalkboard menu, Jalen saw that the cafe’s wifi name matched and the password was displayed. Jalen connected while waiting for his order, checking his email, which loaded far faster than it ever did at his apartment, which in all honesty was atrociously slow, especially in comparison with this. Jalen managed to field five emails from his students in about 1/1oth of the time than it would have taken him at home. Just as he was sending the last one off, he heard the young blonde girl calling out his items. As Jalen walked up to retrieve his things, he saw another brown paper bag sitting next to his plate. When he peered inside today, he could see some sort of cinnamon apple crumble. It looked rather smushed. Jalen looked up in confusion at the girl, who had her back turned to him. Jalen opened his mouth to ask her why he’d received extra food again when what was now becoming a very familiar voice cried out.

“Nora, do you mind taking over the register for a little while?”

“Um yeah, no problem,” replied Nora cheerfully.

As Rashiz stepped away from the register, she locked eyes with Jalen, and to his alarm, hurried over with a concerned expression on her face.

“Is there something wrong with your food? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just ordered for you like that. I can take it back if you like,” she said, her words tumbling out in a rush.

“No, no, my food’s fine, exactly what I wanted actually. I just wanted to ask about this.” Jalen held up the bag with the crushed crumble. “I didn’t order this, or the other tart yesterday. Why do I keep getting extra food?”

Rashiz looked a little sheepish, her hand coming up to rub the back of her neck, almost as though she was embarrassed.

“Well, okay so I don’t mean this as any sort of dig on you, but-” Rashiz glanced back at Nora, who was scrolling on her phone, a momentary lull in the cafe’s usual bustle before looking back at Jalen. “Okay so you know how different food places have ‘ugly food’? Well, we have the same thing here at the cafe. Sometimes things get a little crinkled, or the dough breaks, but whatever the reason, we end up with a kind of reject pile. We usually divide it up amongst ourselves at the end of the day so it doesn’t go to waste and well,” Rashiz looked Jalen up and down quickly. “I told Nora to give you some food from my part of the pile. You’re too skinny, you need to eat.”

Jalen almost wanted to be annoyed or embarrassed at that but found that all he could do was laugh, a deep genuine one that reverberated in his chest. He couldn’t help but smile softly up at her, momentarily forgetting all his embarrassment and even the promise he had made himself earlier in the morning as an unfamiliar sense of warmth filled the space behind his ribs. Even though she had made it clear that she wasn’t interested in Jalen in that way, the fact that she had still given him an extra portion of food just because she thought he needed it, because she _cared_ made him hopeful that they could at the very least be friends.

“Well, you’re not wrong,” Jalen gave a mockingly sorrowful glance down at his admittedly slim physique. He looked back up at Rashiz, who grinned at him, clearly relieved he hadn’t taken offense. “Thank you.” Jalen held up the bag once again. “Is it okay if I eat it later though? My stomach probably isn’t big enough to handle all this.” Rashiz pretended to give it some thought, her hand coming to rub her chin as she gazed ponderously at the ceiling, only to look back at him with a firm nod.

“Yes, but,” here she pointed a finger threateningly in his direction, squinting. “You need to actually eat it. I’ll know if you don’t, like yesterday.”

Jalen’s eyes went wide with shock but Rashiz clarified, waving her hands in front of her. “I’m only joking, I saw your friend take it.” Her eyes changed then, serious. “But you really should eat a little more, it’s cold out there and you need to stay warm. Can’t do that unless you have some meat on your bones.”

A customer entered the store, and Rashiz glanced over her shoulder, shooting Jalen a regretful look. “Sorry for keeping you, enjoy your breakfast!” She gave him a small wave as she turned to go back to her work. Jalen gave her a wistful smile once she turned, then realized what he was doing and quickly snatched his food up to return to his table. Once again, Jalen found that what Rashiz had suggested was one of the best things he’d ever eaten, this morning’s breakfast being salty where yesterday’s had been sweet, heavy where it had been light. Jalen had turned once again to a happily-full puddle of contentment when he saw a text come in on his phone.

‘where r u?????????’ it read, from Horace.

‘At breakfast, be there in a sec,’ Jalen sent back, sighing wearily as he realized he would have to leave the blissful warmth and cozy atmosphere of the cafe. He looked regretfully out the window to see that it had started to snow outside, the kind that looked more grey than white, small ice crystals being whipped past by what looked to be a gale-force wind. Jalen shuddered. After returning his dishes, Jalen was bracing himself to face the elements when a voice rang out behind him.

“You better not let your friend eat that now!”

Jalen turned to see Rashiz, eyes sparkling with amusement as she made the ‘I’ll be watching you’ motion with her hand, squinting over her index finger as she pointed at him where he stood by the door. Jalen held up the paper bag, giving it a small shake.

“I promise.”

She beamed at him, full lips pulling back to reveal teeth just as gleaming white as her fangs. Rashiz brought one huge hand up to wave goodbye, saying:

“See you tomorrow!”

Jalen waved back. Walking towards the university, Jalen barely noticed the cold remembering the warmth of her smile.

Jalen peeked his head quickly into Horace’s office when he arrived, seeing his friend’s head bent over his phone, brow furrowed.

“Hey, you needed to see me?”

Horace glanced up sharply, waving his phone and pointing at it dramatically all while exclaiming,

“Where were you? You never come in after 8, I thought something happened to you.”

“I told you, I was at breakfast,” Jalen replied placidly, walking deeper into Horace’s office, dodging haphazard stacks of paper as he did. Horace’s eyes honed in on the paper bag in Jalen’s hand, and Jalen saw his eyes widen, Horace looking up at him with gleaming eyes and a smile breaking over his face.

“Is that from the cafe we went to yesterday?” Horace asked excitedly.

“Yeah, it is,” Jalen replied. He really hoped Horace wasn’t going to ask him to have it. Jalen didn’t want to break his promise to Rashiz, but he didn’t want to be rude to Horace either. But Horace merely smirked, leaning back in his chair, his hands coming up to rest behind his head.

“I knew you liked her.”

“I- _what_?” Jalen spluttered. He could feel his cheeks were positively on fire. Horace was obviously revelling in Jalen’s embarrassment, his smile growing with every passing second.

“I thought it was kind of weird that you’d give me a whole moral speech after what happened yesterday. Though,” Horace glanced down regretfully, “I do feel bad I upset her. She was probably mad I didn’t pick up on the fact that _she_ was flirting with _you_ right away _._ And besides,” he looked back up, “if she gave you free food again, I’d say that she’s probably still flirting. Did you give her your number yet?”

“I-no I didn’t- Horace, that’s not-she... doesn’t,” Jalen stammered, finally getting his point out at last, if not without a bit of regret. “She made it clear that she- she doesn’t feel the same. She was really nice about it. And I’m fine with the way things are, I think we can be friends, I think she _wants_ to be friends. And I do too. So...that’s what we’re going to be.”

Horace looked up at him with sympathy, though it was undercut with a hint of dubiousness. His mouth was twisted thoughtfully, but he gave him a nod, hands gesturing in defeat.

“Okay, if you say so, I guess that that’s the way she feels, though I’d rather get to see it for myself. But I don’t want to make her uncomfy either.”

“You can come with me tomorrow if you want, Rashiz said she wanted to tell you she was sorry for the other day.”

“Oh her name’s _Rashiz_?” asked Horace gleefully. Jalen just gave him a warning look, and Horace chuckled.

“Sorry, sorry, couldn’t resist. I’ll meet with you tomorrow, get to class.”

Jalen glanced down to see he had less time than he thought and swore softly. He gave Horace a brief wave as he left his office, getting everything organized quickly for his next class. Much like yesterday, his day passed in a whirl of helping students and the never-ending process of writing his thesis. Except today when his unremarkable lunch was over, he glanced at the brown bag that was sitting patiently on his back counter.

“Well I suppose there’s no good in having you go stale, is there?”

Jalen took the apple crumble out of the bag, turning back to look at his computer, only to close his eyes in ecstasy at the first bite. The crumble tasted as close to a warm hug as anything Jalen had had, the cinnamony buttery sugar suffused throughout the dough of the pastry playing a symphony on his taste buds. Jalen couldn’t help but think of Rashiz as he ate, and again felt that small twinge of regret at the truth he’d stumbled across during his conversation with her earlier. Jalen was hoping that tomorrow would see that twinge vanished, but for now he accepted its presence, allowing himself to see her in his mind again, a smile beaming out of her beautiful, perfect face. Jalen’s eyes snapped open, and he let out a small groan, a sense of mild panic rising. This was worse than he thought.

🝰

When Jalen woke early the next morning to meet Horace, he tried his best not to remember how his attempts to not think about Rashiz had backfired yesterday. She kept cropping up at the oddest moments: as Jalen was grading papers, he caught himself thinking of how much more quickly the time would pass if she were there. While eating dinner, he found himself imagining if Rashiz were seated across from him at his small yet enormous table, laughing and making him laugh in turn, filling his small apartment with her presence, both physical and not. Each time it happened, Jalen had to shake his head to rid himself of the reverie, over and over again having to remind himself of his promise.

When he met Horace, he found their roles somewhat reversed from the last time both of them had attended the cafe. While Jalen felt rather perky, greeting Horace with zeal, the man just grumbled at him, cerulean scales gleaming dully in the morning light. Even his seafoam hair seemed somewhat wilted. Jalen gave him a bemused look to which Horace merely shrugged, muttering something that sounded vaguely like ‘murngs’, and turned to go into the cafe. Jalen once again found himself embraced by the warm, scent-infused air of the cafe and felt the increasingly familiar sensation of his shoulders dropping, tension he wasn’t even aware he was carrying, fleeing from him in a rush of comfort. Even Horace seemed somewhat braced by the welcoming atmosphere, though as Jalen glanced at him, he saw Horace’s hands twitching slightly, his eyes shifting almost as if he was nervous. Before Jalen could reassure him, the customer ahead of them was moving out of the way, and Jalen forgot all about Horace because Rashiz was smiling at him as if seeing an old friend, already punching an order in.

“I’ve got you down for a large Chromatic Dragon Blend and a morning glory muffin. Sound good?”

“Wonderful,” Jalen replied, thanking all the gods that it sounded like he was talking about the order instead of what he was actually thinking of. Rashiz took his card from him none the wiser, swiping it with a smooth flick of her wrist.

“Oh and, since you seem to be well on your way to being a regular here, would it be alright if I started calling you by your name?” She glanced up at him. Jalen just stood there, too stunned to say anything, at which Rashiz’s eyes widened. Her mouth opened as if to apologize but before she could speak, a voice came from behind.

“His name’s Jalen.” Jalen felt a hand clap down onto his shoulder and turned to see Horace stepping from behind him, where he’d apparently be hiding. “Sorry, he’s a little groggy in the mornings.”

Jalen looked back at Rashiz, who glanced between him and Horace, brow furrowed. Her gaze settled on him, looking for an answer.

“Jalen,” he said, holding out his hand. She glanced at Horace again, suspicion writ across her features, but then her hand was reaching out, and Jalen could almost feel how warm it was before it took hold of its own. At the first brush of her fingers, Jalen felt as though his entire body were humming with an invisible electric energy. It felt almost alive, hungry for another conduit other than her hand, craving it, almost demanding in its insistence. But then her eyes had turned away from Horace to look at him and it took every ounce of restraint in Jalen’s body to keep himself composed because somehow her eyes were making the electricity stronger, like lightning, mercurial and searing, burning him from the inside. She smiled, softly.

“I’m Rashiz.”

Jalen had to let go first, begging that what he felt didn’t show past his smile, and nodded before stepping quickly off to the side, forgetting entirely that Horace was going next. Rashiz’s gaze hardened, but her eyes looked more cautious than angry. Horace himself looked meek as a lamb, hands twisting and eyes downcast.

“Sorry for being an ass last time,” he began. “I didn’t mean to come off as that conceited, and I shouldn’t have assumed… I’m sorry.” Rashiz’s features had morphed into something almost akin to grudging respect.

“Well I could have handled it better, I’m sorry for not letting you order.”

Relief broke over Horace’s face, and he smiled genuinely at her, waving his hands dismissively.

“That’s alright, I have this guy to feed me.” He pointed a thumb at Jalen, while Rashiz turned and smiled, shaking her head.

“Well he needs to eat more so how about I just let you order today, alright?”

Horace chuckled goodnaturedly and put his order in. As Rashiz was ringing it up Jalen frowned slightly, looking at the ground.

“I’m not _that_ skinny,” he muttered, just to hear a snort of laughter from behind the counter. Rashiz had her lips pursed, her hand pressed to her mouth.

“I’m _not!_ ”

“Jalen,” she said smoothly, raising her head. “If you were any skinnier I would assume that someone had made it a pet project to see if it was possible to animate a broomstick.”

Jalen’s mouth opened and closed silently, but nothing came out, being too taken aback to think of a proper rebuttal. Horace guffawed next to him. Rashiz cocked her head to the side and looked him up and down, only to shake her in mock disgrace, tursing. “In fact, I think I’m going to need to give you two pieces off the pile today.”

“But- I don’t-”

“No buts,” she grinned at him, handing Horace his receipt. “Next please.” Jalen turned and sulked off toward his table, sitting down huffily before Horace, still chuckling, sat across from him.

“You two’ve got it bad.”

“Wha- no we don’t,” Jalen glanced at the counter where Rashiz was speaking with a purple-skinned Tiefling who was laughing slightly. As Jalen watched, the woman leaned forward and asked Rashiz something he couldn’t hear. Rashiz blushed, and a look of what seemed to Jalen to be apologetic remorse showed on her face as she answered, inaudible. At this point, Horace had turned around to look too, and he and Jalen both saw the other woman wave a hand in dismissal. The woman took her receipt from Rashiz, who Jalen could have sworn had mouthed ‘sorry’, and again the woman raised a hand. As she turned to face them, her face fell from a tight sort of cheerfulness to disappointment. She made to sit down at a nearby table just as Jalen’s order was called, and he got up quickly to retrieve it.

As Jalen reached the counter, he saw the customary brown paper bag and smiled slightly, just as Rashiz once again called Nora to take over the register. He waited for her without thinking. Sure enough, she made her way over to him, sending a quick glance towards where he had been sitting before leaning forward and speaking to him in a low voice, her hands coming up to rest on the counter just a few inches from his own.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything,” Jalen answered, swearing at himself internally for how transparent he was. She didn’t seem to notice, just flashing him a grateful smile before continuing.

“Can you give that woman over there one of the extra pastries I put in your bag?”

“Uhm, I mean sure but-” Jalen glanced back at the woman, who to his surprise was talking animatedly with Horace. “Can I ask why?”

“Well, um I, I’m just afraid I might have upset her is all, and I didn’t want her to think I was mad at her.” Rashiz reached up to rub at the side of her neck. Jalen wondered absently if that was a tic of her’s and almost smiled before reigning in his expression.

“I can give it to her, but I just wanted to ask, wouldn’t it be easier to give it to her by putting it in her own bag with her order? Not that I won’t, I’m just thinking this would be a little more inconspicuous.” Rashiz blinked at him owlishly for a moment before reaching out very slowly towards the bag.

“Can I just...take that back for a second?”

Jalen had to stifle a laugh as she furtively retrieved the bag, snatching one of the items out with a pair of tongs and placing it on a plate. It looked to Jalen to be some kind of muffin, but he couldn’t see anything that would denote it as part of the reject pile. As Rashiz turned to hand him back his bag, he gestured to it. “What’s wrong with that one?”

“Nothing, why?”

“Well I just thought, didn’t you say that everything on the spare food pile had some sort of defect?”

“Yeah, but there weren’t any lemon fire-poppy muffins on the reject pile.”

“It had to be that specifically?”

“It’s her favorite.” Rashiz gestured to the woman, who had now moved into Jalen’s vacant seat, still chatting with Horace. “I wanted to make sure she knew we were still friends. She’s a regular here, so I figured I could spare a little out of my own pocket.” She shrugged nonchalantly. Jalen merely gaped at her.

“You- you bought that with your own money?”

“Of course.” Rashiz looked at Jalen in confusion. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Jalen let out a shaky laugh, shaking his head in something between amazement and utter bafflement.

“That’s just, really nice of you. Nicer than most people would be.”

“Oh I don’t know about that,” Rashiz said sheepishly, extending his bag out towards him. “It just...felt like the right thing, is all. Rejections can be really tough.”

As soon as the last word left her lips, Rashiz’s free hand flew to her mouth, her eyes growing huge. Jalen saw her shoot a look of fearful concern towards the corner before she leaned down, and her face filled his field of view. He could almost feel the air of her hushed whisper as she pleaded, “ _Please_ don’t let her know I told you, I don’t want her to be embarrassed.” Her eyes bored into his, practically shimmering with emotion, and a faint smell of jasmine and something else that he couldn’t put a name to came wafting in the air between them. Jalen found that his throat had suddenly grown very dry, the noise of the cafe falling away. He managed to process what she had asked, giving her a small smile.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Rashiz let out a relieved sigh, her eyes closing, and Jalen himself felt a surge of relief, and of loss as she straightened up, gazing down at him warmly.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice nearly dripping with gratitude.

“I really don’t know what you’re thanking me for,” Jalen replied. “But,” he nodded to her hand. “If you really wanted to thank me, I’d love to have that bag now.”

Rashiz looked down, confusion writ across her features for a brief moment until she realized she was still holding it.

“Oh my god.” She held up the bag to Jalen. “I’m so sorry.”

He took it gently, taking care to make sure he didn’t accidentally brush her fingers with his this time. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry about. Thank you, Rashiz.”

“You’re welcome. Oh wait, Jalen,” He paused from where he had turned to go back to see her leaning forward, elbows leaning on the counter. “We’re extending our hours starting next week, just so you know. We do it for the students mostly, with finals coming up they come here to cram, and they end up buying a lot of coffee, so everyone benefits. But what I’m saying is, it’s not exclusive, so if you wanted to come here later, you can.”

“Alright,”Jalen chuckled. “Maybe I can hold a review session for my students,”

“Ha!” Rashiz said triumphantly, eyes shimmering in victory. “I _knew_ you were a teacher.”

“Oh really?” Jalen raised an eyebrow. “What gave it away?”

Rashiz made a broad gesture at him, hand sweeping up and down. “What _doesn’t_?”

Jalen couldn’t help but laugh at that, shoulders shaking with mirth. “You’re lucky I haven’t worn my jacket with the elbow patches.”

“Oh my god,” Rashiz grinned. “ _Please_ wear it.”

“Well, it’s a little cold for it now, but I can in the spring, if you really want.”

Rashiz nodded vigorously just as the bells jingled by the door to announce the arrival of another customer, and Jalen felt a twinge of regret, knowing that their conversation was done.

“Sorry, I’ve got to get back to work,” she said ruefully, stepping back from the counter. Jalen shook his head.

“No, no, you’re fine. I’m sorry for keeping you. Thanks again.” He held up the bag. She smiled, giving him a small wave as she turned away. Jalen turned to go back to the table, only to find Horace and the woman grinning at him, no longer talking. He approached cautiously. As he reached them, Horace announced,

“Took you long enough. I’d like you to meet Torlain, I was telling her she shouldn’t feel bad about being shot down, seeing as how I did too. And you just proved what I was just telling her.”

“What?” asked Jalen, taken aback.

“That Rashiz is clearly hung up on someone else,” continued Torlain smoothly, smirking up at Jalen. “You know, I really should thank you, her saying no feels a lot better knowing that. Nice to meet you.” She held out her hand. Jalen took it after setting down the bag, which Horace promptly peeked into.

“She really did give you two things today.”

“Horace, don’t be a shit,” Torlain chastised, letting go of Jalen’s hand, who was developing a sense of whiplash at how quickly these two had seemingly become friends. “Still,” she looked back up at Jalen. “You don’t know how lucky you are, half of the people that come in here have at least a little bit of a crush on her,” she nodded towards the register, where Rashiz was cheerfully helping a dwarven woman with a beautifully braided ginger beard.

“I-I’m sorry, but I think there’s been a misunderstanding. We’re not, she and I aren’t-” Torlain raised a hand to quiet him.

“Whatever you two are, know this,” she stood up. “All of the regulars here would gladly defend Rashiz to the death, so just keep that in mind.”

Jalen got a distinct sense that trying to clarify the situation would only make things worse, so he meekly nodded. Torlain grinned at him, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t sweat it too much, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ll see you both around.” She nodded at Horace and walked over to the other woman, who smiled at her, clapping her on the back in greeting. Jalen sat down shakily, looking at Horace for an explanation. He just shrugged.

“I just started talking to her about Rashiz and then we watched you two fall all over each other. She had some excellent commentary about it.”

“We were _not_ falling all over each other. Or, at least she wasn’t.” Jalen looked glumly at his breakfast recalling how flustered yet happy he had been, and how long it seemed until he would get to talk to Rashiz again. Gods, he was a mess.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, man, she clearly likes you.”

“Horace,” Jalen took a deep breath. “She told me she doesn’t. Not in that way. And I’m sorry but I really...I don’t want to talk about it. Can we leave it? Please?” His voice quavered, just very slightly on the last, and Jalen hated himself for it. He looked up at Horace, who gave him a pitying look, features writ with sympathy.

“Sure, if that’s what you want,” he said, not unkindly.

Jalen simply nodded, taking a sip of his coffee while Horace started telling him about some wild event that had happened to him during his sabbatical involving an inflatable kiddie pool, several frogs, and a great deal of wine. Jalen was grateful for Horace’s distraction, and managed to finish his breakfast without focusing too hard on the topic of their aborted conversation. By the time it was time for the two of them to leave, Horace had gotten Jalen to laugh several times, and he was feeling much better for it. As Horace was opening the door, Jalen found himself giving a quick glance back at Rashiz only to find her waving cheerfully at him.

“See you tomorrow, Jalen.” Jalen felt simultaneously the knot in his chest tightening further and a wave of warmth at the sight of her smile. He raised a hand.

“See you then.”

Back at his apartment that night, Jalen found himself going through the motions of his nightly routine, nearly finishing his dinner almost before he realized he had made it, too lost in his own head to really consider his surroundings. He sat down mechanically to start his work on his thesis for the night only to realize he’d been staring at an article for fifteen minutes, not taking in a single word. Sighing, he shut his laptop, deciding that maybe a shower would help clear his head. Standing under the spray, Jalen thought about the promise he had made only a few days ago, or no, it had been yesterday hadn’t it. Gods.

He knew somewhere deep in his stomach, in a hard and heavy weight that had decidedly settled itself within him, that his promise had been doomed to be broken from the very start. The inevitability of how he felt, and how he knew he would feel loomed in front of him like a great tidal wave backlit from the sun. Beautiful and devastating. There was no use running from it. The only thing he could do at this point was to act on the small sliver of the promise that still remained. He would not, could not, force his feelings on her. He would be her friend, and gods how he wanted to. Even that, he thought, would be more than he deserved. Jalen smiled to himself bitterly, drops of water clinging to the white strands of his hair as he turned the shower off, staring at the blurred tile beneath his feet. Only her friend.


	3. An Ask and an Answer

Jalen was accustomed to just staying at home on the weekends, but when he woke that Saturday to see that the wifi at his apartment had gone from abysmally slow to nonexistent, he realized that there was no way he could get any of his necessary work done, not where he was. He told himself as he shrugged on his coat that this was easier than going to school, or at the very least comfier, which wasn’t exactly a lie, even if that certainly wasn’t the only reason. The temperature had dropped again overnight, and Jalen was fully shivering when he stepped into the cafe. It was quieter than normal, though there were still several tables occupied, and Jalen recognized Torlain and the dwarven woman from the day before. Torlain looked up as he entered and gave him a friendly wave, saying something to her companion as she did so, who turned around in her chair to give Jalen a once over. She gave him a rather unimpressed look and turned back to Torlain. 

“Don’t pay any mind to Reggie,” came Rashiz’s voice. Jalen looked to see her smiling at him, giving a slight nod in the direction of the red-haired woman who seemed to now be in deep conversation with Torlain. “She only likes two things: muscles and women, and you’re not exactly the textbook definition of either.”

“That’s fair,” Jalen replied, and Rashiz gave a stifled laugh, snorting through her nose. Jalen grinned in reply, pulling out his wallet. “So what am I having today?”

“Minotaur Mocha okay? I’ve got a chocolate scone to go with it.”

“Lovely.” Jalen handed her his card, wincing internally at how it sounded. He needed to rehearse ways of affirming his order that didn’t make him so like some lovestruck idiot wandering through a garden in a romance novel. Rashiz’s voice broke him out of his self-chastisement. 

“I hope you didn’t feel obligated to come here just because of what I said yesterday.”

“What?”

“Well I realized that I told you ‘see you tomorrow’, but then I thought that was really dumb, cause like, I had no idea whether you were planning on coming here or not and then I thought, well what if he does show up just because I said that and then I felt bad cause you’d be walking out in the cold, and anyway, I just want to check, you didn’t come here today just cause I said that yesterday, right?”

Jalen gave a small bewildered laugh. “No, my wifi quit at home and I need to get some work done.” Rashiz looked immeasurably relieved, handing him his receipt to sign. Jalen started handing it back to her, then paused for a moment, looking at her questioningly. “Were you worrying about that all night?”

“Not…  _ all  _ night,” Rashiz said, eyes darting to the side, not meeting his gaze. Jalen truly laughed then, and she looked back at him, almost pouting.

“Sorry, you just- it’s like saying ‘thanks, you too’ when your waiter tells you to enjoy the meal. Except reversed.” 

Rashiz gave a small self-deprecating chuckle, reaching again for the receipt, and this time Jalen couldn’t even fault himself when their fingers touched, though it sent the same thrill of electricity running through him as last time, maybe even worse now, though Jalen didn’t have time to dwell on it before he heard Rashiz gasp and suddenly found his hand clapped between hers. His eyes went huge and he glanced up to see a look of utmost concern on her face, though her gaze was focused on where she was now rubbing his hand between hers.

“You’re freezing!” She cried, glaring up at him accusingly only to see his look of shock. Her hands released his almost as suddenly as they had grasped it. “I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to....” She trailed off. 

“That’s alright,” Jalen reassured her, amazed at the lack of tremor in his voice. “I’m sure the coffee will warm me up in no time.” He already felt like he was on fire. Rashiz gave him a timid yet grateful smile, nodding in agreement and bustling off to take care of it, handing the register over to Nora. Jalen turned from the counter and only allowed himself to let out the shaky breath he’d been holding in once he’d slumped into his chair, hands coming up to his face. 

“Professor?” came a familiar voice, and Jalen glanced up sharply to see two of his seniors, Bob and Lucy, sitting at a nearby table in the alcove area. Jalen wondered how he had missed them, their faces were as familiar to him as just about anyone’s given how much he saw them before he noticed that the alcove they were sitting in was just hidden from sight from both the entrance and counter. 

“Hi you two,” Jalen smiled. “Bob, I’m sorry you weren’t feeling well earlier this week. Better now, I’m hoping?”

Bob nodded, Lucy giving him an affectionate nudge with her shoulder, leaving it there after so that she was leaning on him slightly. “He better be after how much he complained about it.” Bob shot her a look of mock hurt, and Jalen had to bite back a smile, remembering how bumbling they had been around each other just a year ago. Bob turned again to face Jalen, expression more serious. 

“Professor, would it be alright if I talked to you about my proposal now, seeing as I missed our meeting Friday? I know it’s your day off and I’m really sorry, I just keep worrying, and I-”

Jalen waved him off politely, rising to join them at their table. “More than alright Bob. What parts are you worried about?” Bob began detailing his proposal more fully to Jalen, with Lucy chiming in every now and again to clarify some of his points. Jalen listened dutifully, nodding and occasionally providing suggestions or comments, though he found the core of the proposal to be excellent: an in-depth analysis of the intricacies of accurately preserving ancient wind elemental artifacts, in addition to detailing the difficulty of their excavation given that they resided on floating cloud cities. Jalen was so enthralled by Bob’s proposal that he took a sip of his coffee without realizing it had been placed in front of him, and failed to notice the peculiarity of this until Bob slowly stuttered to a stop, his explanation replaced by furtive giggling, aided by Lucy in chorus. Their eyes were focused at a point just to Jalen’s left. 

“No ‘thank you’? Jalen, you wound me.” Rashiz towered over him where he sat, one hand on her hip, the other pressed just over her heart, her eyes alight with mirth. 

“How were you that quiet?”

“I wasn’t.”

Jalen looked to Bob and Lucy for support, but they merely shook their heads, now falling into each other with their suppressed laughter. He merely glared at them in pretend anger. “You’re no help.”

“So you’re the one who’s been giving my poor Bob and Lucy so much stress over their classes.” Jalen turned back to see Rashiz looking down at him disapprovingly, her arms now crossed, though Jalen could see her eyes were still crinkled up at the corners. “You’re lucky they like you so much, or we might have had some stern words, Professor Elkader.” 

“I never told you my last name,” started Jalen accusingly, though that was mostly to hide the small thrill that ran through him hearing her call him by both his last name, and professor. Rashiz merely shrugged.

“They mentioned a certain archeology professor enough for me to put the pieces together. You’ve made them drink a lot of coffee, Jalen.  _ A lot.  _ Be nicer to your children.”

“I am nice!”

“Now Rashiz, he really is,” Lucy protested. “He just has high standards. We don’t mind, we like it.”

“Most of the time,” added Bob, who upon seeing Jalen’s look of mild hurt, frantically added, “I’m kidding! We love your classes.” 

Jalen looked back up at Rashiz, gesturing between himself and the duo. “See?”

Rashiz’s face maintained a stern countenance, though Jalen could see the corner of her mouth twitch up ever so slightly. He suddenly felt an urge to kiss that spot, followed by mortification, certain that his face had somehow betrayed his thoughts. Rashiz continued, seeming not to have noticed.

“Fine, but I still haven’t heard a thank you.”

“Thank you, Rashiz. Really, it’s delicious.”

Her face broke into a grin then, and she waved a hand dismissively. “No problem, no problem. I’m sorry to interrupt, you looked like you were having a really interesting conversation, I’ll let you get back to it.” She leaned over to ruffle Bob’s hair, who seemed to expect this, merely smiling at her happily before she turned to head back towards the counter. 

“I take it you two are regulars?” Jalen asked.

“Oh yeah, we’ve been coming here ever since we first started at school,” answered Lucy. “A lot of students shuffle through, but we spent enough late nights during testing weeks that Rashiz kind of adopted us, in her own way.” Lucy cocked her head. “Did you just start coming here, Professor? We haven’t seen you before.”

“Yes, actually. I’m a new regular, though that sounds like an oxymoron now that I say it.” Jalen shrugged as he brought his coffee to his lips. 

“Well, we hope we’ll see you around more often, even if you don’t help us with schoolwork,” said Bob. “Thank you again for that, I’m sorry for taking up your time.”

“Completely fine Bob, I was more than happy to help. Also, Rashiz told me about the extended hours next week, so if you think of anything else you want to ask me about before the initial submission Friday, I’ll probably be here.”

Bob and Lucy beamed at him, and Jalen felt an overwhelming surge of affection and pride for the both of them. He was going to miss them when they graduated, but was overjoyed that he had seen them blossom and grow so much in just the few years he had known them. In the midst of his reminiscing, Lucy’s phone gave a quick buzz, and after checking it, she gave Bob a short nudge.

“We better get going, Poppy’s going to be there a bit early. It was so nice seeing you, Professor!” Lucy said while rising from her seat. “Oh and by the way, this table has the fastest wifi in the place, just in case you wondered.”

“Thank you, Lucy. Is that Poppy Runningbrook you’re referring to, by any chance?” Lucy and Bob nodded, and Jalen noticed that there was a faint flush on both their cheeks. 

“She’s um… well,” Bob began, only for his blush to deepen. Jalen was now incredibly intrigued, both eyebrows raised in interest. He looked at Lucy for clarification. She shrugged, though Jalen noted she was blushing just as hard as Bob. 

“She’s our girlfriend.”

“Well, congratulations. She’s certainly… a character.” Bob and Lucy both let out somewhat dreamy sighs, and Jalen had to stifle a chuckle at their antics. “Please give her my regards.” 

“Will do,” replied Bob. “Thank you, Professor.” They quickly finished putting on their coats, giving Jalen a final wave before heading out. Jalen gave them a fond smile, even as they walked out of sight, glad to see them so happy. 

“They are sweet, aren’t they?” Rashiz commented from Jalen’s left, making him almost drop his coffee in surprise. She chuckled. “Sorry, I promise I’m really not trying to sneak up on you. I just wanted to let you know I was teasing you earlier. I know how much you care about the kids. Bob told me how accommodating you were about his anxiety, and Lucy told me about when you went to her grandma’s calling hours even though she hadn’t asked you to. You had to drive three hours to get there, didn’t you?”

“Only…two.”

“No, three.” Jalen gaped at her, mystified at how she had figured out the lie. She smirked, but there was a sadness to her eyes as she did it, as if lost in a memory. “I drove there too.”

Jalen paused for a long moment, remembering Lucy’s tearstained face and found some solace knowing that Rashiz had been there for her too. “Looks like I’m not the only one that cares about them.”

Rashiz gave him a smile so full of warmth that Jalen felt as though he was standing in a sunbeam. She gave a slight gesture towards the ceramic mug cupped between his hands. “You let me know when you need another coffee.”

“Will do.”

As she turned to get back to work, Jalen finally changed to the booth Lucy and Bob had vacated to do some work of his own. While a worry had played at the back of his mind that Rashiz’s presence would be distracting, Jalen found he was far more focused than he usually was at home, the white noise of the cafe’s bustle fading into a comforting hum that seemed to buoy him along on a wave of productivity. Rashiz supplied a regular stream of drinks to him, alternating his coffees with some herb and fruit infused water, since:

“You can’t just drink coffee or you’ll start vibrating so fast you’ll phase right through the floor.” She said while handing him the first cup of water, making him laugh.

“I don’t know much about quantum physics, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.” Rashiz raised an eyebrow at him, crossing her arms. 

“Well according to Dr.Rasfodel, there’s a minute possibility it could happen.”

“Wait, you know Dr.Rasfodel?” Jalen imagined the ancient hunched goblin hobbling up to the counter, which would probably be about even with the man’s nose. 

“Sure do, Black Slime Blend with five sugars. Weird combo, but,” she shrugged. “Who am I to argue?”

They had several small conversations like this throughout the course of the day, each happening just when Jalen’s energy was starting to flag, the banter doing as much or more for him as the coffee. A steady stream of customers came in and out of the shop, and Jalen even recognized a few of them, professors from the school. At one point Jalen glanced up to see a very small figure at the counter, Rashiz smiling down at it, only to see the figure turn, revealing it to be none other than Rasfodel himself. Jalen had been wrong, the counter actually came level with the man’s forehead. Jalen glanced up to meet Rashiz’s gaze as she mouthed ‘five sugars’ before winking and turning to make Rasfodel’s drink. Jalen found himself praising the gods that she wasn’t looking his way, given the wink had done more for him than should have been reasonable. He feverishly went back to his thesis. 

At some point, Jalen felt his back growing stiff, and he stretched his arms over his head, doing his best to alleviate some of the ache he felt. He opened his eyes to see the sky outside had actually grown dark, the streetlights beginning to wink on in the thickening gloom. He had been working for longer than he thought. As Jalen looked out the window, movement caught his eye: Rashiz’s reflection, the muscles in her arms tensing as she leaned forward to wipe down a table, her brow creased just slightly in concentration. He found himself transfixed by the powerful motion of her limbs, unable to tear his gaze away. She eventually straightened and turned towards his own table, making her way over. It was only then that Jalen noticed it was only them in the cafe. He turned at the sound of her approach, beginning to get up only to wobble slightly. Rashiz’s eyes widened for a moment, and she quickened her pace towards him, arms raised slightly as if to catch him

“I’m alright, just haven’t gotten up in a while. My anemia likes to make things a little spinny if I’ve been sitting too long.”

“You’re sure? Will you be able to make it home okay?”

“Positive, thank you though.” Jalen felt that same sunbeam in his chest at her concern towards him. “Also I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how late it was. I hope I haven’t kept you.”

“Oh no, you’re alright, I was just coming over to tell you that I have to kick you out in twenty minutes.”

“Thank you, Rashiz.” 

“No problem,” she smiled. As Jalen turned to put on his coat, she asked, “What were you working on for so long, anyway?”

“Oh, my graduate thesis. I’m working for the college, but technically I won’t have my doctorate until it’s done. The school is actually streamlining my tenure if I get it in, which is a little unusual, but I’m not complaining.”

Rashiz looked genuinely interested in what Jalen was saying, cocking her head slightly to one side. “Tenure is gaining extra job security for teachers, right? More benefits and better pay?”

“Yeah, basically getting me under contract, an end to a probationary period.”

“How long is a graduate thesis usually?”

“Well it varies a lot depending on the field, mine’s going to end up being over 400 I think.”

Rashiz’s eyes bulged, and she looked at Jalen as though he had just told her he snowboarded completely naked in a blizzard cause he felt like it. “ _ Pages _ ?” She asked, her voice a frightened whisper.

“Mhm.” Jalen said through a chuckle. “I suppose it does sound like a lot, doesn’t it?”

“You’re insane,” she shook her head. “No wonder you’re so skinny, the stress is probably burning all the calories right off of you.”

“You’re probably right,” admitted Jalen. “I do love my work, though I’ll admit it’s daunting knowing how much is riding on this.” He looked at the floor, letting out a shaky sigh and pinching the bridge of his nose. He was finally feeling how tired he was now that he had stopped working. Jalen felt a weight on his left shoulder, followed by a blossom of heat. He looked up to see Rashiz looking at him, a gently compassionate smile turning the corners of her eyes up. Jalen hadn’t noticed before, but it seemed as though her pupil size changed on the time of day. Right now there were large pools of inky black framed by thin circlets of gold.

“Hey, judging on how hard you worked today alone, your thesis is going to be the best goddamn thing this college, or any, has ever seen. They’re going to have to name a whole field of archeology after you. I don’t really know how that will work, but I’m sure they’re going to.”

Jalen gave her a grateful smile, with only just a slight tremor to it, that anyone would assume was just due to exhaustion. 

“Go home and get some rest, you deserve it.”

“Alright. Thank you, again.”

“Anytime. See you tomorrow?” Rashiz asked as Jalen slung on his messenger bag.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Goodnight, Rashiz.”

“Night, Jalen.”

Jalen went home that night and slept better than he had in weeks. 


	4. A Conversation and A Conflict

Though the next day saw the apartment’s wifi returned to its usual state, Jalen meant to act good on his promise to Rashiz, besides the fact that the cafe had been a much better atmosphere for his productivity. As such, Jalen soon walked through the door of the cafe to see Rashiz’s welcoming smile. 

“Looking forward to the weekend? You don’t work Monday or Tuesday, right?” Jalen asked as he approached the counter. Rashiz’s features seemed to tighten for a fraction of a second before she nodded, taking Jalen’s card from him as she punched in his order. Jalen looked at the crown of her head in concern, but when she raised her head again her face had returned to its cheerful countenance. 

“Sure am,” she said, handing his card back, then noting his expression. “Oh, did you want to hear the order?”

“That’s not- sure,” Jalen said, deciding not to press it. It wasn’t his business, especially if it was something bothering her, maybe something personal. Rashiz read off his order, and Jalen found himself marveling at the strange yet lovely routine they had established. 

“Sound okay?”

“Delicious.” 

She waved Nora over to the counter while Jalen turned to see if the same table he was at yesterday was still available, and was glad to see that it was free, though there was a different cushion on the seat. As Jalen put his things down and sat, he realized that the chair was much more comfortable than yesterday, putting far less strain on his back. He smiled wonderingly, glad to know that his plans to stay here again today wouldn’t result in a stiff spine. Rashiz called out his order, and as Jalen approached the pickup, he heard the door swing open, and glanced to see one of the maintenance workers for the university enter. Jalen recalled this young man had the propensity not to wear shirts while he dug the flowerbeds on campus, often resulting in a wandering caravan of picnic blankets and hammocks as students seemed to inexplicably think that the spots on the green where he worked were the best places to set up.

“Watch this,” Rashiz whispered to him, turning slightly to better see the man approach the counter.

“Hey Nora,” he said in a voice that did not seem to indicate the strongest intellect, but that clearly indicated his feelings towards the girl in question, and Jalen could see that he was looking up at her shyly through surprisingly long eyelashes. 

“Um, hey Milnjov,” replied Nora in a voice that Jalen had never heard her use before, and on closer inspection Jalen could see that her cheeks were distinctly flushed pink. Rashiz turned back to Jalen, eyebrows raised in glee and biting her lower lip, and he had to hold in a snort.

“Stop, you’re gonna make me laugh,” he said in a strained whisper. She grinned apologetically, handing him his order. 

“Sorry, I just thought you would like it, given that Bob and Lucy told me you were part of the reason they got together.”

“I…  _ may _ have overlapped their appointments a couple times. Accidentally.”

“Sure, the same way that I always make sure Nora’s on the register when he comes in. And gets to hand him his food.”

“Look, I won’t tell if you won’t.”

She squinted at him through a smirk. “Deal.”

Jalen returned to his table chuckling, which earned him a couple of curious looks from the tables nearby, including, Jalen realized, the school’s astronomy professor, seated across from a Tiefling woman with purple skin, not Torlaine though. Jalen gave her a small wave. “Morning, Seren,” Jalen said, surprised at his boldness. He didn’t usually talk with professors from other departments, and briefly he worried that she might be scornful towards his greeting. Instead, she gave him a cheerfully surprised smile, returning his wave before turning again to her conversation with the other woman. 

Jalen sat at his table, and found, much as the day before, that his work poured out of him like water from a stream, time once again rushing by in a blur of empty coffee mugs and pastry crumbs. Rashiz was his companion in conversation, her brief quips and stories buoying him up when his reserves were running low. During one momentary lull, Jalen leaned back in his seat with a mildly frustrated sigh, frowning at his screen, only to hear Rashiz say, “Okay, break time.”

Jalen felt mildly confused as to why she was announcing her own break to the cafe, then felt a gentle poke on his upper forearm. “That means you, genius.”

“Huh?”

“I’ve clocked you working for four and a half hours straight. Your longest break was only five minutes. So it’s break time; you’re clearly stuck on something, right? Give your brain a chance to rest.”

Jalen almost argued, but couldn’t find fault with anything she said, closing his laptop again, not without a hint of resignation, just as Rashiz slid into the seat across from him, placing a small tupperware container on the table. At his startled look, she stated:

“I’m on lunch and need to make sure you don’t cheat to try and do more work.”

“I wasn’t going-” Rashiz notched her eyebrow skeptically. “Okay, fine, I probably would have.” She gave a smug look of triumph and began to dig into her lunch, a blend of fruit, hummus, and pita chips with a small salad, though Jalen thought that it seemed rather small for someone of her build. Again, Jalen reminded himself, he wasn’t in any position to question her, and it certainly wasn’t any of his business. 

“Nora and Milnjov?” Jalen asked, trying to cover for his internal argument. Rashiz swallowed, and put down her fork so she could gesticulate with both her hands. Jalen thought it was the most endearing thing he’d ever seen. 

“They’ve been dancing around each other for  _ ages _ , and I keep telling her to just go for it, but she’s convinced he doesn’t like her for some reason.”

“Really?”

“ _ Yes _ , I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with them.” Rashiz shook her head, taking a vicious bite out of a pita chip. She looked thoughtful for a moment as she chewed, looking off through the window before sighing slightly, turning back to Jalen. “Still, I think they need to figure it out for themselves. Gods know I’ve tried to tell her how he clearly likes her, but that doesn’t change the fact that she won’t be able to be with him until they finally start talking to each other about how they feel.”

“I feel like a lot of life’s problems could be solved if people did that.”

Rashiz nodded sagely. “So, do you mind telling me what your thesis is about?” Jalen beamed, absolutely delighted, wracking his brain on where to start.

“Okay, so do you remember the annex to Atlantis that happened about five years ago?”

“Vaguely, I remember that the land was supposed to be part of the city originally, right? But then it got closed off and forgotten?”

“Yes, exactly. Well, all they knew about it was that the there was this gate that stood in place and that there must have been some pretty powerful sorcery on it, because there was an arcane dome at least a mile high going up around the region and none of the Atlantian research teams that approached it could see what was inside. There was an inscription on the gate that surrounded the land though that they were eventually able to transcribe.”

“What did it say?”

“Only that the area under the dome had to be sealed until 10,000 years had passed.”

“Wait, but from when?”

“That’s exactly it, no one knew when the gate was going to open, until five years ago, when it did.”

“Wait, what was inside?”

Jalen paused, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. He leaned forward, Rashiz inclining her head to meet him as he whispered,

“ _ Cones.” _

“What?”

“Cones!” Jalen spread his hands out for dramatic effect.

“Your thesis is about….cones?”

“Yep.” 

“Okay, okay, but I’m assuming there’s something special about them, right?”

“Absolutely, so the cones they found seemed to have multiple functions in this society, residential buildings, religious centers, almost every piece of architecture from this time was made in a conical shape, though there were some variations in height, and the base radius among the buildings. Now the really interesting thing is, is that there seemed to be some criterion for the dimensions of the building and what it was built for. So my thesis is delving into those differences, possible hypotheses for the motif, given that it didn’t necessarily seem to offer any advantages from a structural standpoint, and basically just providing a comprehensive analysis of all the aspects of their society that we know about so far.”

“Does this region they discovered have a name?”

“Well the Atlantean dialect unfortunately requires double vocal cords and to be underwater when spoken, so my accent is pretty lousy, but the closest translation we can get to in Common is Dunshire, which I think is a little lackluster, but,” Jalen, shrugged. “I didn’t get to name it.”

“Still that’s really amazing, so you’re like a Cones of Dunshire expert?”

“Well there’s still so much we don’t know, and I’m nowhere close to knowing everything, so I don’t know if I would say expert-” Rashiz shot him a skeptical look. “Um, yes.” Jalen noticed that Rashiz had finished her food. “So, that’s pretty much it. Did you have any more questions?”

“Only this, will you tell me when you finish so I can congratulate you properly?”

“Absolutely.”

She grinned at him, then glanced regretfully at her phone to check the time. “Sorry, I better get back to work. Good luck on writing the rest, Mr.Expert.” Jalen returned her smile gratefully, pushing down the feeling of regret in the pit of his stomach at her departure, and quickly turned back to his thesis, now fully rejuvenated by their conversation. Jalen managed to maintain his energy for the rest of the day, completing far more work than he was accustomed to, but which seemed to be his standard at the cafe. He leaned back from his laptop with a contented sigh, looking out the window once again to see that it had grown dark, though this time his back felt far better than yesterday thanks to the cushion, which Rashiz had admitted to putting down given how long she knew he was bound to sit for. 

Jalen glanced down at his watch, and was surprised to see that it was slightly earlier than yesterday, with still about an hour before closing. Jalen debated staying longer, but judging by how droopy his eyes felt, and given how much he had already done, he decided it would be better to go home and clean his apartment a bit before going to bed, considering he wouldn’t have the energy to clean it during the week with work. As Jalen shrugged on his coat, he heard the door open, and someone stumbled inside. Rashiz looked up in surprise from where she had been organizing some of the mugs by the drink preparation counter. She quickly assumed her post at the cash register, as the human man who had walked in stumbled up to it. Now that Jalen could see him, the man looked to be fairly disheveled, his clothes somewhat askew, and his cheeks red from the cold. Then the smell hit. Booze. 

“Hello sir, what can I get for you this evening?” Rashiz asked politely, ignoring the man’s state of disarray and assuming a friendly smile. 

“Loviatar’s tits, you’re the biggest bitch I’ve ever seen,” the man slurred. “You got any hard stuff back there? Something that’ll really put some hair on my chest?”

Rashiz somehow managed to hold her composure, letting out a dry laugh, and somehow refraining from slapping the man, though Jalen certainly thought he himself might, and began moving towards the counter on instinct. 

“I’m afraid we don’t, sir, I think you may have the wrong establishment.”

“Well if you don’t, then how’s about a kiss?” the man puckered up, shutting his eyes, and Rashiz finally gave him a look of complete disgust.

“Please leave, sir.” The man’s eyes snapped open as quickly as his inebriated state seemed to allow, and he glared angrily up at her before spitting on the floor.

“Come on you fucking slut, what the hell’s your problem?”

“You bastard.” Jalen grabbed the man’s shoulder, seeing red, and started to turn him, before feeling a strong push, and finding himself on the ground. 

“Stay out of this, cun-” There was a flash of green and when Jalen blinked, the man was suspended three feet in the air, Rashiz holding him up with one hand as she leaned over the counter, with a look of rage so potent on her face that Jalen almost felt afraid himself to see it, her pupils merely slits, fangs bared. 

“And now,” she said through gritted teeth, voice murderous. “You’ve crossed the line. Leave now, or I will call security, and unfortunately for you,” she leaned in, a cold smile on her lips, “I am security.” Rashiz dropped the man without warning, and he landed in a crumpled heap before scrambling up and bolting for the exit. Almost before the door had started its swing back, Rashiz had appeared at Jalen’s side, crouching next to him on the floor.

“Are you alright? Are you hurt?” Her hands twitched as if she wanted to check, but they stayed at her sides, while her eyes brimmed with concern. 

“I’m-I’m okay.” Jalen made to get up, and Rashiz hovered over him worriedly, wringing her hands. “I’m alright, really.”

“You’re sure?” Jalen nodded in assent, standing. “I cannot  _ believe _ the nerve of some people,” Rashiz fumed. “He  _ threatened  _ you.”

“I mean, he also called you absolutely horrible things.” She waved her hand dismissively.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about that, but he could have hurt you.”

“Sure but, I’d say words are just as bad, if not worse. They can stick.”

Rashiz shook her head, smiling softly. “I am a big bitch, nothing wrong with that, and slut’s just a word men use when they feel threatened.” 

“I don’t think you’re a bitch,” Jalen said, serious. Rashiz looked at him, eyes wide and mouth twisted into a surprised smile that looked almost as though she was trying not to cry. A beat of silence passed where neither said anything, then both cleared their throats at the same time, Jalen gesturing towards where he had left his things at the table. “Guess I better finish packing up.”

“You’re going home?”

“Was planning on it.”

“Ri-right.”

Jalen gave her a brief smile, retrieving his items. Just as he was slinging on his messenger bag, he heard Rashiz’s voice again, hesitant.

“Jalen?”

“Yes?” he asked, turning to see her wringing her hands again, features once again plastered with worry. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just… what if he’s still out there? What if he tries to jump you or something? Or worse?”

“I don’t think he will, not after your very convincing threat.”

“I meant it.”

“Oh,” said Jalen, surprised. 

“All the same, would you… would it be alright if you talked to me on your way home? So I’ll know if anything happens.”

“Um, s-sure.” Jalen’s heartbeat felt very fast all of a sudden. “You need my number, right?”

“Oh, yeah.” Rashiz pulled out her phone, holding it out as she walked forward. Jalen did his best to ensure his hands didn’t tremble as he took it from her. He punched in his information quickly, and Rashiz took it back, almost apologetically. “Thank you, it would just make me feel a lot better, is all.”

“No problem, I get it. Thank you for caring so much.”

She gave him a smile, though Jalen saw it didn’t reach her eyes, and cursed himself for straying too close to how he felt, she probably felt uncomfortable. Jalen ducked his head, trying to cover his shame by grabbing for his own phone. 

“I’ll call you once you’re outside, okay?”

“Okay,” he glanced up, and saw that Rashiz’s features had returned to normal, and gave an internal sigh of relief. It seemed all was forgiven. Jalen walked to the door, shivering as the almost arctic air hit him as it swung open. As soon as he had turned to walk down the street, his phone gave a buzz, and he saw Rashiz gesturing through the window at where her own phone was pressed against her ear. He smiled, picking up.

“Hello?” he asked. 

“Hi,” Rashiz waved at him from the other side of the glass. It was somewhat odd, having a barrier between them, yet feeling as though she was right next to him at the same time. 

“Shall I be off, then?”

“Sure, just please tell me if anything happens, I’ll come get you.”

“Alright,” Jalen said through a mildly incredulous laugh. He gave her a last wave as he turned to make his way towards his apartment. For a moment, the only sound accompanying Jalen was the sound of his own footsteps, his breath sounding too loud to his ears, but then Rashiz’s voice came through, and Jalen had to suppress a small shiver. It was odd, hearing her without seeing her, and it felt almost like she was whispering in his ear.

“I didn’t get to ask you cause of that dickhead, but did the rest of your thesis go alright today? It looked like you got a lot done.”

“Yeah, it was really nice. I don’t know what you put in the coffee, but I’ve been really productive over the past few days.”

“I’m glad.”

A small silence, but comfortable, the thin layer of snow crunching under Jalen shoes, the kind that almost squeeks for the cold. Then a question popped into Jalen’s mind, and he found his mouth speaking before him before his brain could decide whether it was a good idea or not.

“Rashiz?”

“Hm?”

“Does stuff like with Horace and the guy tonight happen to you a lot?”

“It’s happened a little in the past, I’m not sure if it’s just the cafe getting more popular or what. Sometimes I swear someone’s putting chemicals in the water making everyone more horny. The frogs too.”

Jalen laughed out loud and it echoed off of the buildings. “Oh gods that’s funny.”

“It’s true. Oh, speaking of Horace, him and Torlain huh?” Jalen could practically see her eyebrows wriggling. 

“I know, they really threw me off guard the other day, but I’m glad to see more people give him shit. It’s tiring being the only one.” It was Rashiz’s turn to laugh, and Jalen realized that since they were on the phone he could smile as sappily as he liked without worrying about her seeing, which was truly lucky, given that Jalen could feel just how stupid and soft he must look. Her laugh really wasn’t fair, utterly exuberant, with the occasional snort that made Jalen’s heart melt. 

“I’m glad there weren’t any hard feelings about how I treated him the other day.”

“If anything, I think you were the straw that broke the gryphon’s back, he really did feel bad about making you upset, and I genuinely think he’s been trying to be more conscientious. Torlain helps too, I think, even just yesterday.”

“Yeah, well, hopefully she’ll continue being helpful, considering they’re dating now.”

“ _ What?” _

“Yep, she just sent me a text today, with waaaaay too much detail about,” Rashiz hemmed, “ _ certain _ activities. And… anatomy.”

“Oh bleurg,” Jalen gagged. “Gods know he’s tried to show it to me too many times to count.”

“Really?” asked Rashiz, delighted. 

“Yeah, you know, I think you’re right about those chemicals.”

“I would never lie.”

Jalen gave another chuckle, only to realize he was already turning the key to his door. “Huh- I’m home.”

“Oh wow, you live pretty close, huh?”

“Yeah, I usually walk to work, but I do have a car for errands and things. Easy commute, only about five minutes.”

“Wait, if you live so close, how come you’ve only just started to come to the cafe now?”

“I um- went to a different shop before?”

“Jalen, how could y-wait, was it Andy’s?” 

“If I say yes, are you going to get mad at me?”

“Jalen, his coffee was shit! I can’t believe you went there, what like four years?”

“Three and a half,” Jalen muttered. “But I swear, it was just because I didn’t know about yours.” Rashiz began listing off the various attributes of Andy’s coffee shop that made it the most deplorable place on earth as Jalen started getting ready for bed. 

“I mean, he used to supplement his coffee with instant Jalen,  _ instant. _ And don’t even get me started on his pastries, gods.” Jalen smiled around the toothbrush in his mouth. 

“So I’m not saying Andy deserved to be waterboarded in his own vile swill that he liked to call a Basilisk Blend, but I’m not  _ not  _ saying it.” she finished as Jalen crawled into bed. 

“Well, I’m glad I’m not drinking it anymore.”

“I’m glad too. Oh, shit.”

“What?”

“I just didn’t realize how late it was, I have to close and here I am talking away and you have to work tomorrow. I’m sorry, Jalen.”

“You’re fine Rashiz, please don’t apologize.”

“Sorry, shit, I mean sorry,  _ shit-” _

Jalen laughed quietly to himself, hearing Rashiz give her own chuckle on the other end. 

“Well… goodnight, Jalen.”

“Goodnight, Rashiz.” Jalen’s finger hovered over the end call button for a moment too long before finally pressing it. The silence that followed was almost deafening, and Jalen let out a sigh, running his hand through his hair and staring up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and pretended not to feel the ache in his chest that longed to hear her voice again, here with him in the dark. It took him a long time before sleep finally claimed him. 


	5. A Dream and a Desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sauce time

He was back in the cafe, but he didn’t remember how he got there. All the various chairs and tables were missing, the place seemingly entirely deserted except for him. The walls were curiously blurred, as though he was viewing them through frosted glass, and no matter how hard he looked, Jalen couldn’t seem to bring them into focus. Jalen frowned, spinning quickly in a circle. He didn’t feel frightened at all, merely curious, though a feeling crept up to him that he wasn’t alone, but that couldn’t be right, there was no one else here. He blinked.

Rashiz stood in front of him, and unlike the rest of the room was in clear focus, every detail present. Jalen felt a profound sense of relief wash over him, taking a step towards her automatically.

“There you are, I was hoping- I don’t remember when I got here, and everything feels... Rashiz?”

She said nothing, and her usual smile was absent, a look of thoughtfulness replacing it as she gazed down at him. Then she was surging forward and Jalen felt himself being lifted bodily from the ground, his back thudding against one of the walls. Jalen’s eyes felt the size of dinner plates, his heart thudding like a caged rabbit’s as he remained suspended, pinned to the wall by her arms under his shoulders as the scent of jasmine wreathed around him. 

“Rashiz what are you-”

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

“W-what?”

“To be at my mercy, to have me do what I want to you.” She leaned forward, a smirk on her face, eyes half-lidded. “Isn’t that right?” Her voice was a hungry whisper. 

“I-I don’t know what-what you mean,” Jalen stammered, his heart now threatening to break out of his chest.

“Oh, but I think you do.” Jalen gasped as she moved her thigh between his legs to press against his cock. He ground down on instinct, a moan escaping his lips before he could stop it. “That’s it, go on now.” Jalen shuddered at the almost proud tone of her voice, her eyes full of heat, ashamed at how quickly those eyes were tearing away his resolve. 

“I,” Jalen gulped, licking his lips. “I shouldn’t.”

“Who says?” Rashiz slipped a hand under the hem of his shirt, thumb rubbing lazily against the jut of his hip, her skin hot as a brand on his. Jalen let out another gasp, breath coming in high-pitched pants as her hand traced up further, finding his nipple and giving it a small flick. Jalen keened, grinding down again as a bolt of pleasure shot through him, like before but better, stronger, consuming him utterly. Jalen’s body felt like a tree struck by lightning, burning from the inside.

Rashiz’s head lowered, and then the furnace of her mouth was sucking at the place just behind his jaw, and Jalen let out the most needful whine of his life, clutching at her back, so sturdy and strong. Her muscles rippled under his hands as she moved, her other hand retreating from the wall to join where the other was alternating between rubbing his abdomen soothingly before rising up without warning to tweak his nipples. His breath was coming faster and faster as Rashiz’s head lowered further, sucking first at his neck, then his clavicle. He pleaded,

“Rashiz, please,  _ please _ , I just want- I need...”

She raised her head and looked into his eyes with a piercing gaze that stalled the breath in his lungs. Jalen felt like a taut string, standing at the edge of a precipice. She leaned forward gently, her mouth resting directly next to his ear, pausing for a moment before her lips moved almost like a kiss.

“Come for me.”

Jalen woke with a cry, his back arching as wave after wave of mind-numbing pleasure cascaded through him. As the last ripples of his orgasm faded, he lay there a moment, chest heaving and breath thunderous in his ears before he felt his release beginning to cool. Jalen felt tears pooling in his eyes, and he raised his hands, pressing his heels savagely to them to try to keep them in.

“Fuck.”


	6. A Review and a Reunion

The next two days, Jalen was almost glad that Rashiz wasn’t working, unable to imagine having to face her after the dream. Almost. Jalen had managed to talk himself down after waking up, justifying it in that he had no control over what had happened, though some guilt still remained, and anxiety at having to face her. Jalen went to the cafe both days, though thoroughly embarrassed himself the first day by forgetting that Rashiz wasn’t there to order for him, and found himself scrambling to make up an order, though the cashier- a halfling with a frightening amount of body hair who only seemed to refer to himself in the third person- didn’t seem to mind. Though his breakfast had been good, Jalen found himself eating it somewhat listlessly, the combination of flavors from his coffee and his pastry being somewhat bland and asynchronous. Even on Tuesday, when Jalen had a better idea of what he wanted, he found himself frowning as he chewed, something about his order failing to come together in the same way it did as when Rashiz composed it. 

By the time Wednesday rolled around, Jalen felt at once desperate to see Rashiz, and he admitted not just for the return of delicious breakfasts, and terrified that she would somehow be able to tell that he had dreamed about her and kick him out forever, though the logical part of his brain did try to supply that that seemed a bit of a stretch. Jalen entered the cafe jittery, and considering the amount of adrenaline in his system, wondered if it was a good idea for him to have coffee in the first place, though his train of thought ground to a halt when he finally stepped up to the counter.

Rashiz was smiling at him, just as usual, but her eyes were slightly bloodshot, with deep bags under them. 

“Morning, Jalen.”

“Good-good morning. Are you alright?”

“Oh I’m fine, just a little tired is all. Couldn’t sleep.” She gave him a smile, but it was weak, crinkling at the edges. She was lying, but Jalen knew that the counter was not the best place to broach that he knew this, so he simply put more emotion than maybe was required when he said: 

“I’m sorry, Rashiz.”

“That’s okay. I’ve got you down for a Goodberry Blend and a plum blossom sticky bun.”

“Sounds lovely.” She rang him through before handing him his card and receipt. She paused for a moment before relinquishing them, looking down at Jalen with a grateful smile, some of the sadness seeming to flee from her eyes, though not fully. 

“Thank you for checking, by the way.” Rashiz let go. 

“Of course.”

Jalen retreated to his seat, and was in the process of placing his things when a somewhat familiar voice came from behind him.

“Um, excuse me, Professor Elkader?”

Jalen turned to see one of the students from his Intro course standing behind him, a bugbear named Khuth, picking at his claws nervously. 

“Yes, what can I do for you?” Jalen asked, trying to sound as reassuring as possible given the distress evident on Khuth’s very fluffy face. 

“I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry I missed your office hours, and I’m not going to be able to make them again today, and it’s just- I’m  _ real _ nervous about the test Friday.”

“Okay Khuth, is there another time today that works for you?” Before Jalen was done asking, Khuth was already shaking his head, virtually despondent. He looked almost on the verge of tears. 

“No, Professor, that’s the thing. My schedule’s totally full today, and the problem is I’m not going to make your office hours for the rest of the semester, this job opened up nude modeling for one of the still life classes, and I need the extra cash, and I just-I just don’t know what to do.”

Jalen held up his hands, trying to soothe his virtually panicking student.

“That’s okay, I’m sure we can work out something.” A memory of the conversation between Rashiz and himself from last week came to Jalen, and he looked up at Khuth, and asked comfortingly, “Khuth are you free to meet after school today?”

Khuth looked startled, the tears in his amber eyes refraining from spilling from their confines in the face of his surprise. “Yeah, why?”

“I’m holding a review session here tonight, it’ll run until, oh wait-Rashiz?”

She glanced up from where she was putting a slightly beat-up turnover in a paper bag, looking somewhat guilty, and Jalen assumed that she was probably giving him more extra food on top of his now customary portion. “Yes?”

“How late is the cafe open this week?”

“Until midnight.”

“Thank you.” Jalen turned back to Khuth, giving a nod in Rashiz’s direction. “Review will run until midnight, or at least as late as everyone stays, alright?” Khuth’s face was now streaked with tears, their paths tracing dark lines in the fur on his face, making him look like someone who had put on a great deal of mascara and then had a meltdown. All of a sudden, Jalen felt himself being swept up in a crushing embrace as Khuth hugged him. As Jalen’s eyes bulged from their sockets, he could see Rashiz laughing at him from where she leaned against the counter, and he mouthed ‘help’ at her, to which she merely shook her head. Khuth put him down soon enough, wiping at his tears as Jalen tried to regain feeling in his lungs. 

“Thank you so much, Professor, you have no idea how much this means to me.”

“No...problem,” Jalen wheezed. Khuth gave Jalen another tear-streaked smile, waving at him as he practically skipped out of the cafe. Jalen tried his best to stumble his way over to the counter. Rashiz greeted him there with a grin, still laughing, and Jalen saw that the sadness had almost fully left her eyes now, and with that knowledge, Jalen felt a small fist of tension in his chest unclench. He decided then that some bruised ribs were a small price to see her smile again.

“Feeling alright there, Professor?” 

“Of all...my students...it had to be...Khuth,” Jalen managed to choke out, to Rashiz’s continued laughter. 

“Well, maybe this will help your recovery.” She held up the bag as if it were a trophy. Jalen took it gingerly, playing up the twinge in his sides as he did, which led to Rashiz devolving into snorting once more. 

“Thank...you.”

Rashiz rolled her eyes good-naturedly at him. “I’ll let you catch your breath before delving into any sort of debate, okay?”

Jalen gave her a thumbs-up, beginning to hobble back to his table, and heard Rashiz snort again from behind him, and Jalen smiled to himself, only to see an incredibly wrinkled old woman and equally wrinkled goblin woman holding hands across the table and staring at him with curiosity, eyebrows raised. Jalen straightened up immediately, and heard Rashiz let out another peal of laughter from behind of him, calling out,

“Be nice to him now, you two, he’s just had the wind knocked out of him.” Jalen turned to see her biting her lower lip trying to contain her smile, and found that the embarrassment he expected to come crashing down on him simply didn’t arrive, given how preoccupied he was with the fact that he didn’t see any more traces of sadness in Rashiz’s face. Jalen managed to seat himself at his booth without asphyxiating, though in the blur of running into Khuth and being ogled at by an older couple, Jalen had somewhat forgotten that it wasn’t the weekend, starting when he glanced at his phone’s time, quickly packing up his things and virtually running to the door before hearing Rashiz call out to him,

“See you tonight.”

Jalen could only give her a quick wave as he glanced over his shoulder, dashing out of the shop and down the street towards campus, a huge grin plastered on his face and his chest lighter than it had felt in two days. 

🝰

The review sessions held that night and the next were riotously successful, with an abundance of students pouring as a steady stream into the cafe at around 6 and staying just up until it closed. The end of both nights saw Jalen absolutely exhausted, his shoulders stiff from writing on the inside of the cafe’s windows with dry-erase markers, at Rashiz’s discretion of course. She was just as busy, if not more so than Jalen, bustling about the cafe just trying to keep up with the orders pouring from the students packed into booths and tables. When Jalen had tried to apologize after the last of his students had left the shop the first night, Rashiz had only waved him off.

“Are you kidding? Do you know how much money I made in tips tonight? If you wanted to start doing this every time you had a test, I wouldn’t mind. And besides,” her smile grew brighter. “I love seeing the kids. They really respect you, you know.”

Jalen felt flooded with a sense of happiness and even a small amount of pride that was almost too much to bear, and had to duck his head, shooting a wobbly smile at the floor. “Really? I mean, I knew a lot of them liked me, but that’s-that’s nice to hear.” His voice was somewhat thicker than he wanted it, but Rashiz didn’t seem to mind as he raised his head, just fixing him with another radiant grin. 

“You’re a good teacher, Jalen.”

Her compliment buoyed Jalen through the rest of the week, and he rolled out of bed that Saturday morning imbued with excitement, wanting to see if the review sessions had helped his students’ comprehension. He was hopeful that he’d be able to share their success with Rashiz, who he knew would be happy to hear about it. Rashiz grinned at him as he entered the shop, and they went through their routine that felt as natural to Jalen as breathing at this point. Jalen had expected his grading to take only about three-quarters of the day, but found that almost all of his students had written much longer essays than he had expected, and it seemed to Jalen that the topics of the essays were almost all on the topics he had been able to provide more depth on in the review sessions, and for that matter were excellently written. 

The sky was fully dark by the time Jalen was finally able to lean back in his seat, smiling down at the large stack of papers in front of him. His students had done very well. Rashiz saw he was finally done and came over from where she had been wiping down a table, drying her hands on the towel tucked into her apron. He smiled up at her, tired yet satisfied, gesturing to the papers in front of him. 

“They all passed.”

Rashiz positively beamed at him. The bell over the door rang, and Rashiz turned on her heel quickly to get behind the counter, then froze in place as she turned to see whoever had just entered. Jalen himself began to lean forward, but a blur of sky-blue shot towards Rashiz, and caught her up in a hug, swinging her around in a circle as she laughed in delight. 

“How’s my big sister?” asked what Jalen could now see was an incredibly tall dragon-born man, taller even than Rashiz, his voice a dulcet tenor with an Irish accent. 

“Harpo! You came home early!”

“Sure did,” he put Rashiz down on the floor just as Jalen stood up, the world feeling as though it were falling away. He took a few faltering steps towards the man who had turned to look at him in curiosity. 

“Harpo?” Jalen asked, his voice shaking.

“Yes?”

“It’s me, Jalen.”

Harpo stood as still as a statue, staring at Jalen with wide eyes as blue as his scales before he was rushing forward and hugging Jalen almost desperately, and Jalen felt himself returning the embrace in much the same way. 

“It’s so good to see you again,” Harpo cried out, and Jalen felt a few tears dropping onto his head. “It’s been, what, fifteen years?”

“Yeah, it has.” Jalen felt tears pricking his own eyes, and he scrubbed at them with the back of his hand as Harpo released him, holding him at arms’ length and looking at him up and down in astonishment.

“Look at you, you’re all grown up.”

“I could say the same for you, and besides, I’m older.”

Harpo threw his head back and laughed, bringing Jalen in for another hug, calmer this time. Jalen couldn’t remember the last time he’d been hugged this much. He returned it with a smile. A small noise broke him out of his reverie, and Jalen looked up to see Rashiz looking between the two of them, utterly confused.

“You two know each other?”

“We grew up together,” Harpo replied with a smile, turning so that they faced her, Harpo’s arm slung across Jalen’s shoulders. Jalen nodded at Rashiz in assent. She looked puzzled for a moment, the gears turning in her head before her eyes widened and she leveled her gaze at Jalen again. He was glad to see that there didn’t seem to be any pity in her expression. 

“At the…”

“Orphanage, yes.” Jalen finished for her. “You can say it.” 

She gave him an apologetic look, which he quickly returned with a smile. Harpo gave his shoulder a squeeze.

“How about we sit down and get everyone up to speed?”

They sat, Rashiz across from Jalen and Harpo pulling up a chair to sit on the side. 

“So, now that you know how Harpo and I are connected, do you mind if I ask how you know each other?” Jalen asked.

“Rashiz found our mum,” Harpo supplied nonchalantly. Jalen looked at him, amazed, turning to look at Rashiz, who looked almost sheepish, her finger tracing patterns on the tabletop. She glanced up at his astonished gaze, shrugging. 

“I don’t deserve any credit. I found her by accident.”

“How?” Jalen asked.

“Well,” she started. “I didn’t actually know Harpo, Nelle, or Evets when I found her. She was just vomiting on the side of the street, and fell over as a car was coming. I grabbed her before it got to her.” 

“Rashiz, that’s amazing.” She merely shrugged again. 

“It’s what anyone would have done.”

“Maybe, but not everyone would then proceed to check a stranger whose life they happened to save into rehab, meet with her personally to see how they could help her, and then proceed to ask a friend to hack into the state’s database illegally to track down the kids she had given up over twenty years ago,” Harpo added. Jalen turned again to Rashiz, who now seemed thoroughly embarrassed, slinking further down into her chair and continuing to avoid either of their gazes. 

“It’s what anyone would have done…” she repeated weakly. Her shoulders were hunched up by her ears. Harpo shook his head in exasperation, reaching over to take her hand where it rested on the tabletop. 

“It’s not and you know it.” Harpo turned to Jalen after giving her a fond smile. “We weren’t quite old enough to remember why our mom gave us up, not even Evets.” Jalen nodded, remembering. “Turns out our Mom was married to a real dickhead. He left her with all of us and she just couldn’t do it. Gave us up to adoption services, asked that we not be separated.”

“Xela wanted to keep you so badly.” Jalen saw Rashiz give Harpo’s hand a squeeze. “She turned to alcohol after losing them.” She had turned back to Jalen. “It had gotten past the breaking point by the time I found her, around five years ago, and rehab was hard, but she pushed through. She really wanted to be a part of their lives again, and told herself she would only do that when she was well and truly better.” Harpo smiled and nodded. “So while she was getting better, I had my friend Alfie track down what had happened to our trio.”

“Wait, Alfie? Do you mean Professor Larique, the robotics teacher?”

Rashiz looked horrified, realizing she had accidentally revealed that one of Jalen’s colleagues had committed a fairly serious law violation, but Jalen merely shook his head, smiling. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell or anything, I’m just surprised. I didn’t peg him as a hacker.” Rashiz’s features had softened to look relieved, and Jalen reached for her other hand without thinking, taking Harpo’s simultaneously to form a chain. He squeezed both of them, looking between them. “I’m happy he could help.”

Rashiz gave him a watery smile, and Harpo pulled him in to give him a one-armed hug. He smiled as he pulled back, glancing between Rashiz and Jalen happily. 

“So how long have you two been dating?”

Jalen froze, becoming aware of Rashiz’s hand heavy and warm on his own just a moment too late . Both of them flinched back from each other simultaneously.

“We’re not-”

“That’s not-,”

They spoke over each other, cutting off together to leave a ringing silence that was far more embarrassing in its place. Jalen glanced at Rashiz without meaning to, just as she glanced at him and felt his shame only increase at the panicked look on her face. Jalen turned back to Harpo with a pained smile, hoping to make things right, the latter looking increasingly confused, wondering at their erratic behavior.

“Rashiz and I aren’t dating, Harpo, we’re just friends.” Jalen couldn’t meet Rashiz’s eyes, couldn’t bear to see the relief he knew he’d find there. Harpo cocked his head as if he didn’t understand. Jalen saw him look quickly over his shoulder at Rashiz, and whatever he saw apparently made him decide the conversation wasn’t worth pursuing. His jaw shut, and he looked back at Jalen with an unsatisfied glint in his eye, but he smiled anyway. 

“Do you want to come to our family dinner tomorrow?” Harpo asked, changing the subject. At Jalen’s confused look he added, “We have it every Sunday, and I know for a fact that Nelle and Evets will be ecstatic to see you again. Plus, I want you to meet me mum.” 

A memory came to Jalen of he and Harpo, no older than seven, talking to each other late at night in the dormitory when they were supposed to be sleeping. Harpo had whispered in the dark of the dreams that the daylight made seem foolish and fragile. Somehow it was always easier to talk about such things at night. Harpo’s dream had been to find his mother. Not to reunite, not for her to enter his life again for good, just to find and meet the woman he couldn’t remember. Jalen found himself blinking at that same boy, now grown, and nodded to him, smiling through a sudden surge of tears. Harpo looked delighted. 

“Well then, you’re going to be our little secret until tomorrow. Rashiz,” Harpo leveled a stern finger at her. “Don’t go telling the others on accident, alright?”

Rashiz notched an eyebrow and then Harpo was in a headlock, laughing, though from Jalen’s point of view it seemed that Rashiz was clearly the stronger in this situation, even with Harpo’s greater height.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, let me go now?”

Rashiz released him though not without giving him a thorough noogie first. Harpo giggled again, rubbing the top of his head as he rose from the table. “Will you be able to get off work early tomorrow?” he asked, turning to Rashiz. She grinned. 

“Don’t need to, holiday weekend, so we get to close early. We can meet here and I’ll drive us.”

Harpo smiled in agreement before snatching her up in another hug. He then turned to Jalen and did the same, though Jalen noted this hug seemed to be a great deal more gentle than the one he had shared with Rashiz, and his still recovering ribs sighed in relief. Harpo pulled back, hands on Jalen’s shoulders. 

“I can’t wait to see the look on their faces tomorrow.”

“You sure I won’t be imposing?” Jalen asked as Harpo’s hands let go. 

“Not at all, Jalen you’re practically family.”

Jalen felt his throat tighten immediately, and tears fell from his eyes unbidden. He shook his head in apology, scrubbing at his face with the heel of his hand almost like a child, and was still doing so when he felt Harpo’s arms close around him again, caging him in a warm embrace. “You  _ are  _ our family,” Harpo whispered fiercely. Jalen returned the hug, burying his face in Harpo’s shirt. He regretfully patted at the wet spots he had left in after he pulled back.

“Nothing a wash won’t fix,” Harpo said placidly before Jalen could apologize. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Jalen smiled at him happily, following him to the door where Harpo picked up a guitar case covered in stickers that he must have set aside before hugging Rashiz. Harpo turned and gave Rashiz another hug before leaving, and Jalen waved at her as he followed behind Harpo. She waved back, a smile turning up the corners of her eyes. 

“I’ll see you here at 5:00, okay?”

Harpo gave her a double thumbs-up, and Jalen nodded, still not sure if he could trust his voice not to crack .  Harpo turned to Jalen once they were out in the cold, giving him one final hug, and Jalen, who had already been worrying about meeting with the rest of the dragonborn clan, felt reassured without Harpo saying anything. Jalen fell asleep that night smiling. 


	7. A Dinner and a Disclosure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick content warning: there is a brief reference to physical abuse of a child later in this chapter. Please read to your own comfort level.

The next day passed much the same as the day before, though Jalen left the shop to drop his laptop off and change into slightly nicer clothes. He eyed his elbow-patch jacket and glanced out the window. There had been a thaw overnight, bringing the temperature up from the usual arctic range. Jalen grinned to himself and shrugged it on. Rashiz wouldn’t have to wait for spring after all. When Jalen had made his way back to the cafe, he saw that Rashiz had already turned the sign to closed, but saw Harpo sitting at a table inside. Seeing Jalen’s approach, he rose from his seat and unlocked the door with a smile, giving Jalen another hug.

“I’m not late am I?” Jalen asked once he was inside.

Harpo shook his head. “You’re fine, Rashiz is just getting changed in the back and then we can go. Excited?”

“Absolutely.” Jalen wasn’t lying but there was a distinct cord of anxiety that thrummed within him that he couldn’t seem to shake. He was still dwelling on it somewhat as Harpo chatted amiably with him when he heard Rashiz approach from behind him. He turned to look at her and immediately felt his mind go blank. Jalen hadn’t realized that he had never seen Rashiz with her hair down. It cascaded down to the middle of her back in auburn waves, framing her face, somehow making her eyes seem brighter and her face even softer. She had also changed out of her usual tshirt and khakis into what looked like a velvet mulberry turtleneck with a cutout and ripped jeans, both of which hugged her form much more than her usual attire. Jalen felt that his mouth had dropped open slightly, and snapped it shut. Rashiz didn’t seem to notice, just looking between Harpo and him cheerfully.

“Ready to go?”

Jalen nodded mutely, beginning to stand only to hear Rashiz gasp delightedly and tug at his sleeve.

“You’re wearing the jacket!” she exclaimed, grin huge. Part of her hair had fallen just over one of her eyes and Jalen had to resist the urge to brush it back into place, smiling at her instead, noting in a distant way that the anxious knot in his stomach had been replaced by a gentle glow of warmth. 

“Yes, yes, I’m wearing the jacket.” Jalen said in false weariness, turning in a circle so she could see better. Rashiz beamed at him even more widely which Jalen couldn’t help but return with a smile of his own, but then Harpo slung an arm around his shoulder, breaking him out of his reverie. The three of them left, Rashiz locking up the cafe behind them, and went around to a small back lot that Jalen hadn’t noticed before, a blue hatchback parked there. Harpo turned to Jalen, arm still around his shoulder.

“Shotgun,” Harpo said deviously, making a bolt for the car. Rashiz snatched him up by the scruff of his neck before he had made it three feet, holding him off of the ground and turning him to face her.

“Jalen is a guest. He gets to ride wherever he wants.”

Jalen gulped as an entirely inappropriate thought popped into his head, and made a small noise of protest to cover it up. Rashiz turned to look at him inquisitively. “That’s alright, really. I’m not that tall, I don’t need the legroom, Harpo can have it.” 

Rashiz considered what he said for a moment, then leveled her gaze back on Harpo, raising a warning finger up to his snout, though her words sounded amused when she spoke.

“Alright you can have shotgun, but only cause Jalen is being nice.”

“Yes ma’am,” Harpo responded meekly, Rashiz lowering him to the ground. He shot Jalen a sheepishly appreciative grin. They piled inside, Harpo turning as soon as they were in to start talking to Jalen in the backseat, Rashiz smiling to herself at his behavior as she started the car. Harpo continued to talk to Jalen the entire ride there, excitedly telling him about his most recent tour and some of the more interesting places he’d been able to visit. Jalen had forgotten what a natural storyteller Harpo was, and had hardly noticed how long they’d been driving before Rashiz was pulling into the driveway of a white farmhouse. 

“We’re here,” Rashiz said. She turned in her seat to look at Jalen with bright eyes. “Ready?”

“Y-yeah.”

“I’m going to go in first, say that we have a special guest,” Harpo said as they got out of the car. He gave Jalen a quick pat on the back, holding up his hand as he went inside to indicate to Jalen that he should stay on the porch as he opened the door. It didn’t quite close behind him and Jalen stared fixated on the sliver of golden light that shone out of the gap. He hadn’t noticed he was starting to breathe unevenly until he felt a gentle pressure at the center of his back. Jalen glanced up to see Rashiz looking down at him, a comforting smile on her face. 

“It’s alright to be nervous.” Jalen felt her hand give his back an almost imperceptible rub. “They’re gonna be really happy to see you.” At her words, Jalen let out the breath he’d been holding, feeling the tension leave his body in a rush. He gave her a weak yet grateful smile just as the door opened, Harpo backlit by the light of the hallways and grinning ear to ear, turning and extending his arm to a number of figures standing behind him. 

“May I present our esteemed friend, Jalen.”

Jalen heard a series of gasps, and then he was being swept up in a hug by a set of burly red-scaled arms, and Jalen saw the face of his old friend Evets bawling into his shoulder, his sister Nelle popping into view a moment later, tears in her eyes too. It was all Jalen could do not to cry just as hard as Evets when Nelle wrapped her arms around the both of them, Harpo joining in as well. After Jalen’s shirt had gotten thoroughly soaked by Evets’ tears, he was placed gently back on the ground, only then noticing the other person still standing at the end of the hall, two small dragonborn children holding onto either one of her hands. If Jalen hadn’t known better, he would have thought it was Nelle if she had aged another thirty years. Her scales were the exact same shade of copper, but as Jalen met her gaze he realized her eyes were the same blue as Harpo’s, and her mouth had the same set as Evets. She gave him an unreadable look, and then her face broke into a craggy smiling revealing a gold fang that glimmered in the light from the hall.

“So you know my kids?” she asked in a gruff voice. Jalen gave her a respectful nod. She let go of the childrens’ hands, and one of them, a little girl with bright scarlet scales, ran past Jalen, Rashiz scooping her up in her arms as the woman walked towards Jalen slowly. She held out her hand to him as she got close. “Name’s Xela, nice to meet you.”

“The honor’s all mine,” Jalen said while taking her hand. 

“Well I don’t know about honor, but I’m glad my kids had a friend while they were going through all that shit.”

“ _ Xela _ ,” Evets said askance, glancing at the little girl Rashiz was holding and to the toddler who had walked forward and was now looking up at Jalen with huge dark eyes that stood in stark contrast to his shimmering rose gold scales.

“Sorry, sorry.” Xela muttered, turning to walk into the room at the end of the hall, where Jalen could see plates of food spread out on a long table. The toddler continued to stare up at him. 

“Um, hello. What’s your name?” Jalen asked, squatting down to put their heads at more of an even level.

“That’s Rowan,” came Evets’ voice from behind. “Doesn’t talk just yet, but he knows how to get what he wants.” Jalen looked up at him.

“Yours?”

The proud smile on his friend’s face told Jalen the answer, and he turned to smile back down at the little boy in front of him. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Rowan.” The boy continued to look at Jalen with a somber gaze before suddenly raising both of his tubby arms, still soft with baby fat. 

“Oh, he likes you,” Harpo commented. “He won’t even do that with me.”

Jalen glanced at Evets, who gave him a nod, then back to Rowan who gave his arms a slight shake as if to remind Jalen that his demands had not been met. Jalen chuckled.

“Alright, alright, up we go.” Jalen picked Rowan up, tucking him against his side and was surprised at how much he weighed for a creature his size. All of them headed to the dining room, where Jalen could now clearly see that the table before them was nearly groaning with the weight of the prolific amount of food on it, platters of roasted meat and vegetables sitting alongside an entire tureen of soup, a basket fresh-baked rolls, and a plate of baked cinnamon apples, their cores removed and filled with nuts swimming in a mixture of melted butter and the apples’ own juices. Jalen’s mouth immediately watered. 

“You can sit here, Jalen,” Nelle said, pulling out a chair for him on the nearest side of the table comfortably sandwiched between two others. He sat down, Evets gently taking Rowan from his arms to place him on a high chair next to himself, Harpo plopping gracefully into the seat on Jalen’s right, Rashiz sitting on his left, the young girl going to her own small chair on the other side of the table. Evets took the left end of the table, Xela on the other end, and Nelle on the opposite side. Jalen looked in confusion at the unoccupied chair next to her before hearing a door open off of the back of the house and the sound of a sink running and shoes being kicked off. Jalen heard the squeak of the sink being turned off and footsteps approaching before a golden, clawed hand, a ring on its middle finger clutched the door frame as a dragonborn woman peered her head in.

“Sorry everyone, milking took longer than I thought, feel free to start, I just want to make sure I don’t smell like cow manure and ruin dinner.”

“You sure, honey?” Evets asked, turning in his seat to look at her, and Jalen noticed his expression was that of someone completely smitten, eyes liquid and smile almost tremulously soft.

“Go right ahead. I’ll be down in just a few.”

She gave a quick wave to the others at the table before disappearing from view, the sound of feet on stairs following a beat later. Evets turned back to the table and gestured for them to help themselves. Jalen’s plate was soon on the verge of overflowing, even though he’d been careful to take only a little bit from each platter that went by. The first bite was heavenly, and Jalen tore into his plate ravenously, for the moment too preoccupied with his food to realize he should probably be visiting, though he realized the rest of the table was also fairly quiet, a mark of how delicious everything was. After only a few minutes, the sound of the woman descending the stairs reached Jalen’s ears, and she emerged into the dining room, going immediately to Evets and giving him a kiss. 

“Dinner smells amazing, babe.”

Evets just looked up at her happily, then his eyes widened, and his head whipped around to look at Jalen, then back up to her excitedly.

“Bernadette, I’m so sorry I forgot to introduce you, this is my friend Jalen. Jalen, I’d like you to meet my wife, Bernadette.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Jalen said, beginning to get up. Bernadette waved her hand in dismissal, smiling at him.

“No need for all the fanfare- please, enjoy your meal.” Jalen sat back down almost sheepishly, taking his fork in hand once again, and was surprised to see he had almost finished his plate already. The bowl of garlic mashed potatoes floated into his field of view. Rashiz was grinning down at him as she held it out, eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Good, huh?”

Jalen’s answer was to take the bowl and give himself another sizable spoonful, Harpo handing him the gravy shortly after. Rashiz laughed. 

“So, Jalen,” came Nelle’s voice a few minutes later. Jalen was snapped out of his food coma, looking across the table at her, where she had rested her head on top of her folded hands, looking at him almost shrewdly. “What do you do now?”

“Oh-I’m an archeology professor at the local university.”

“That’s amazing!” Evets’ cried, turning to look at Bernadette. “Honey, Jalen was always so smart when we were kids, he had practically the entire library memorized. Any time anyone had a question we didn’t know the answer to, we went to him.” He looked back up at Jalen gleefully. “I’m glad you’re helping kids just like you helped us.”

Jalen felt thoroughly embarrassed by all the praise and attention but smiled nonetheless. He looked back and asked, “What do you do, Nelle?”

“That’s classified.” Her deadpan response made Jalen laugh, but then he realized Nelle hadn’t smiled, expression completely serious as she continued to look at him over the table. Jalen felt a small chill run up his spine, but Nelle’s features softened somewhat seeing his discomfort. “No harm in asking. Well- not if you ask at least.” Jalen gave a nervous chuckle. 

“Why don’t you tell Jalen about the farm, dear?” Bernadette asked. Jalen sent her a quick telepathic thanks and she winked at him, turning to look at Evets fondly as he began to gesticulate wildly about the variety of crops they’d been growing, the yields of different chicken breeds and their friendliness, and seemingly every other aspect of the farm that possibly existed. At one point, Rowan gestured to his mother that he wanted to be released from his high chair, Bernadette complying and placing a kiss on his stoic head before he walked around the length of the table. He tugged insistently on Jalen’s patched elbow. Jalen smiled, hefting Rowan onto his lap, where the tiny dragonborn looked out over the table with solemn eyes, drinking everything in. Rowan’s sister seemed to think this was a good idea too, making her way over between Jalen and Rashiz. She looked up at Jalen thoughtfully as she stood before beaming up at him.

“I’m Lily,” she whispered.

“I’m Jalen,” he whispered back just as quietly. She giggled, then turned and crawled into Rashiz’s lap, who smiled down at her and began stroking her head. Lily was asleep within minutes, likely due to the rumbling voice of her father and the soothing motion of Rashiz’s hand. As Evets seemed to be winding down in his speech regarding the farm, he said something that made Jalen jolt in his seat.

“Ya know, this place actually belonged to our parents before they passed.”

“Your-oh, Evets, I’m so sorry.” Jalen remembered an older couple with kind eyes visiting the orphanage when he was around 13, the way their faces had lit up when they’d seen his trio of friends. 

“Happened a long time ago, no need to be sorry. Actually, we owe you an apology.”

“What for?”

Nelle took over and began to explain. “When we first moved in, it took us a while to write a letter back to the orphanage to ask how you were. They gave us a call and told us you’d been taken in by a foster family that had moved and that they couldn’t release the address to us due to confidentiality. We’re sorry we lost touch.”

“But hey,” Harpo chimed in. “How did everything go with the family?”

Jalen felt himself freeze, bile rising in his throat before he felt Rowan’s tiny hands squeeze his arm, grounding him. He put on a casual smile. 

“Didn’t work out.”

The three of them let out commiserating noises. It had been a common theme of orphanages: kids leaving only to return in a few weeks, an air of shame hanging over them. Harpo put his hand over Jalen’s in support. 

“Well fuck them,” Xela said matter of factly. Jalen looked at her startled, while Evets let out a sound of dismay, glancing at Rowan and Lily, still asleep. Xela didn’t elaborate any more on what she’d said, simply sipping her glass of water and looking at Jalen almost as if daring him to challenge her. 

“Yeah, fuck them.” Jalen turned to see Rashiz looking at him fiercely, brow furrowed. She opened her mouth as if to say more, but stopped as a small voice issued from Jalen’s lap.

“Fuck them,” Rowan said, eyes fixed on Jalen’s face. Xela let out a guffaw of laughter, along with Bernadette, Nelle, and Harpo. Evets had a very different reaction, letting out a moan of despair and laying his head on the table.

“His first words... his first words…,” he whispered despondently, Bernadette giving his back a comforting rub. 

“I’m-I’m so sorry,” Rashiz stammered, only to have Lily, who had apparently awakened, jump up in her arms and exclaim,

“Daddy, if Rowan gets to say it once, I wanna say it too. FUCK.”

“Alright, time for bed,” Bernadette said with a commanding air, the table now completely lost to laughter, Harpo literally falling against Xela while clutching at his stomach. She plucked both Lily and Rowan efficiently from their perches and bustled them upstairs, one under each arm while the table’s occupants further devolved into hysterics. Evets finally managed to raise his head at one point, then let out a small gasp. 

“I’m so sorry everyone, but it’s getting late and Bernadette and I need to be up in time for the morning chores. Jalen, it was so nice to see you again.” Evets had risen from the table, the rest of them following suit, and Jalen found himself wrapped in yet another warm embrace, completely cocooned by Evet’s bulk. “You’re free to come here anytime, you know. If you ever need anything, or even if you don’t, give us a call.” Jalen quickly exchanged numbers with Evets, the dragonborn giving him one last tearful hug before ascending the stairs. Nelle also approached Jalen, enfolding him in an embrace that, if it was not quite as intense as Evets’, seemed to hold just as much emotion. 

“I’m not allowed to give you my number, but I’m home often enough. We’ll be seeing plenty of each other, and that’s a threat.” Nelle pulled back and suddenly ruffled his hair, just as she had done when they were little.

“Hey!”

“Sorry, couldn’t resist.” Nelle snorted at him. “It’s a good look on you.” Jalen glanced in the mirror that hung just down the hall and saw that his hair resembled a ruffled white haystack. He frowned at Nelle’s back, who had somehow managed to make it halfway up the stairs in the time he had had his head turned. Xela came forwards and gave Jalen a rough pat on the shoulder, somewhat awkward, but somehow more reassuring for it.

“Well it was nice to meet you, kid. Don’t be a stranger.” She turned to Rashiz and gave her a full hug, which Rashiz returned happily. 

“See you next week.” 

“You bet your fucking ass.” Xela then made her ascent, leaving Jalen, Rashiz, and Harpo in the hallway. Harpo looked close to tears.

“I don’t want to say goodbye yet,” he said, voice strained. Jalen smiled at him sympathetically before a memory of a dusty bottle, long-forgotten in the back of a cabinet came to mind. 

“Well, tomorrow is a holiday…” Jalen began. Harpo looked at him sharply, Rashiz inclining her head in curiosity as well. “And I know that I have a bottle of wine back at my apartment, and no little ones to wake up.” Jalen was feeling rather giddy, not used to coming up with plans this suddenly, and feeling increasingly excited the more Harpo’s smile grew. “What do you say?” Harpo actually clapped his hands in and bounced up and down on the balls of his feet.

“Rashiz, could you be DD?” Harpo asked, putting on what Jalen thought was the most extreme puppy-like look of begging he had ever seen on a humanoid. She rolled her eyes good-naturedly and nodded. The ride back felt even shorter than the ride there, and in what felt like no time at all, Jalen was unlocking the door to his apartment, Harpo bounding past him excitedly to exclaim at the books haphazardly scattered about the main room and more neatly placed on Jalen’s bookshelf. 

“I’m really sorry about all the mess,” Jalen began in apology. 

“If you call this a mess then I’d say the inside of Harpo’s old van’s a fallout zone,” Rashiz said as she entered. “Your home’s lovely, Jalen,” she finished, more serious, and looked at him warmly. Jalen tried not to blush. It felt like her comment on his home reflected back on him somehow. 

“I’ll get that wine, shall I?” Jalen asked, heading towards the kitchen as Harpo nodded enthusiastically, grabbing one of the books off the shelf and opening it to the middle. He frowned.

“What language is this?”

“Atlantean,” Jalen answered, grinning as he heard Harpo’s blustering behind him. He grabbed the wine bottle out of the back of the cabinet with minimal rearranging, snagging two wine glasses along with it and setting them on the counter. Jalen peeked his head around the corner to see Rashiz standing next to Harpo and running her index finger from left to right across the page. When she reached the end of the line she ran it the other way.

“See? When you read it, it’s like water flowing.” Harpo nodded at her words, his own hand coming up and tracing along the page.

“You read Atlantean?” Jalen asked. Rashiz shook her head regretfully.

“No, I just looked it up after you told me about your thesis. I can recognize it and I remember the rules to reading it but-” she shrugged her shoulders. “That’s all.”

Jalen smiled at her like a fool before remembering the reason he had poked his head in in the first place.

“What would you like to drink?”

“Water’s fine, though I’d love tea if you have it.”

“Coming right up.”

Jalen quickly got out a mug after turning on his electric kettle, glancing in his cupboard at the various tins and boxes of tea he had, uncertain of which one she would like. His gaze fell on an unopened tin of oolong that he remembered buying but hadn’t had a chance to open yet. He managed to pry it open, it’s rich, smoky scent furling around him as the lid came off, the electric kettle shutting off a moment later indicating the water was ready. Jalen let the tea start steeping, taking the wine and the two glasses out to Harpo before returning to get the tea. As he came back into the living room, Jalen saw Harpo already filling both glasses, both of them much more full than he would have normally drunk, but Jalen shrugged internally, accepting that these were extraordinary circumstances. Jalen put Rashiz’s mug of tea down gingerly, afraid of spilling it. She smiled at him gratefully. Jalen sat down and Harpo immediately shoved the very full wine glass in his hand, holding his own high in the air with a triumphant grin. 

“To old friends and new. Cheers.”

“Cheers,” Jalen smiled, clinking his glass against Harpo’s and against Rashiz’s mug, very gently on the last. He took a fairly sizable gulp of his wine, then remembered as it hit his throat that this bottle had come from Horace after his sabbatical, and that the country his friend had been in had a much stronger vintage than those found at home. Jalen had to force himself not to gasp as he felt the wine travel down his throat, warm as sunlight. Thank the gods he had had such a robust dinner earlier. Harpo himself let out a crow of delight, looking down at his now half-empty glass with starry-eyed appreciation. 

“Jalen, this stuff’s  _ good _ , you sure you want to waste it on us?” Rashiz gave him a skeptical look over the rim of her mug as she took a pronounced sip of her tea. “I mean on me?”

“Of course,” Jalen chuckled. “I can’t imagine when else I’d drink it.”

“Well then,” Harpo took the bottle in hand again to top himself off, leaning over to do the same for Jalen, who found he didn’t really mind, holding his own glass out in unspoken acceptance. As he leaned back to sip a bit more tentatively, Rashiz glanced between the both of them, then leaning forward and placing her hand on the coffee table purposely. 

“Alright, I’ve got to ask,” she began. “How is it that you,” she gestured at Harpo, “have an Irish accent while  _ you _ ,” she swivelled to look at Jalen, “have an English accent?”

“Oh that’s a funny story, actually,” Harpo giggled, his cheeks already looking somewhat flushed with a faint hint of cobalt. “You see, the music teacher that worked at the orphanage was Irish, and the librarian was English. We ended up kind of picking up their voices after a while. Won’t lie, I probably should have lost mine when I moved in with my parents but I’m going to let you both in on a little secret.” Harpo leaned forward and brought his hand up to his mouth to whisper, “I kept the accent because it helps my image.”

“What?” Jalen guffawed.

“I’m serious, the minute I tried my accent back on, my ticket sales went through the roof. And I like how it sounds. Besides, it’s easier keeping it up all the time to make sure I don’t slip up on stage.”

Rashiz was fully snorting now, putting her mug down so as to not spray tea everywhere with how hard she was exhaling. Jalen himself just looked at Harpo’s grinning face incredulously. Harpo glanced at Rashiz briefly who had just picked up her mug again, then back to Jalen, who saw a mischievous spark in the dragon-born’s eyes as his friend propped his head on one hand.

“Jalen, did you know I used to have a crush on you back when we were kids?” Rashiz fully spluttered into her tea, which came back and splashed her face, droplets catching in her hair. Jalen himself felt his cheeks flush. 

“I-I didn’t.”

“Mhm, had a wee journal I wrote about you in. Nearly had a heart attack when I caught Nelle reading it one day. Turned out she’d been doing it for weeks and wanted to tell me it was getting boring. I think that’s the only reason why I ever found out she’d been reading it in the first place.”

“Okay...is there any reason you’re telling me this now?”

“Nope, I just thought it would be nice to reminisce about the old days.” Harpo stood up abruptly, still grinning, and started walking towards the back hall. “Have to use the loo, be back in a minute.”

There was a brief moment of silence, and Rashiz let out a deep sigh, shaking her head. Jalen glanced at her and saw that her face was still covered in tea. “Um, would you like a towel?”

“Please,” she muttered wearily. Jalen rose, somewhat wobbly, having underestimated how quickly the wine would take effect, and Rashiz immediately reached out a hand to steady him, standing herself.

“Sorry,” Jalen mumbled, clutching at her arm, realizing his words were getting slurred, his tongue sitting heavy in his mouth as he looked up at Rashiz’s face. She smiled at him and Jalen felt his cheeks light aflame, grateful for the excuse of alcohol as a cover for the color in his face.

“Lead the way,” Rashiz said, hand never straying from the small of his back as he led her to the kitchen, rummaging through his cabinets before procuring a small hand towel with a flourish. 

“Ta-da.”

“Thank you, Jalen,” Rashiz chuckled back, reaching the towel up to wipe at her face. She pulled back after a moment. “Did I get it all?” Jalen peered up at her.

“You missed a spot,” Jalen took the towel from her hand without thinking, gently pressing it to a spot just under her lower lip, where a speck of tea still remained. Jalen froze as he realized how close his fingers were to her mouth. How warm her skin was. He snatched his hand back as if burned, starting to stutter.

“I’m-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Rashiz, Jalen? Where did you guys go?” came Harpo’s voice from the other room. 

“Coming,” Rashiz called over her shoulder, turning back and giving Jalen another warm, yet somewhat regretful smile. “That’s okay, you don’t need to apologize,” repeating his words back to him. She let Jalen go ahead again as they marched into the living room, though she distinctly didn’t place her hand on him as she had done before. Jalen silently mourned its loss. Harpo was seated cross-legged on the floor, swaying slightly and face now fully flushed sapphire. He glanced between the two of them as they sat down, and his face filled briefly with something akin to disappointment before he seemed to shrug off whatever was bothering him, instead pouring what seemed to be the last of the wine into Jalen’s glass, his own seemingly filled in their absence. There was a brief moment of silence where they each of them sipped their drinks, and Jalen gazed down at his distorted reflection on the surface of his wine before smiling softly to himself.

“You know, I think today was the first time I ever saw Evets cry in front of other people. He always hid it before.”

“You saw Evets cry?” Harpo asked, his face incredulous. Jalen nodded.

“A few times. I remember one day I walked in behind him when he was sitting on his bed and I almost called out to him, but I saw his shoulders shaking and realized what was happening. I figured he didn’t want anyone to know about it, so I just left. There were a couple other times after that, but he never saw me. I think-I think he used to cry when he knew you two wouldn’t be around for a bit. He wanted to be strong for you.” Jalen’s gaze had slipped back down to his reflection as he got lost in the memories, but as he glanced up, he saw Harpo’s eyes swimming with tears, a few of them escaping and slipping down his face as Jalen watched. He let out a noise of dismay, reaching across the table towards Harpo. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make  _ you  _ cry.”

“It’s okay, I just-I never knew,” Harpo said, scrubbing his face with his sleeve. “He got a lot better at accessing his emotions after we got adopted, you know. Our parents saw how angry and sad he was and got him a really good therapist. Nelle and I went too.”

“That’s wonderful, Harpo.”

Harpo smiled at him happily before sipping his glass, Rashiz smiling at both of them. All of a sudden Jalen remembered her earlier question about accents. Before his now significantly slower brain could persuade him out of asking, he felt his mouth open.

“Rashiz, you asked about Harpo’s accent and mine earlier, but what about yours? It’s like somewhere between Greek and Russian.” Rashiz raised one eyebrow at him, giving him a somewhat incredulous smirk.

“Well, my dad’s Greek and my mom was Russian.”

“Oh,” replied Jalen, once again astounded at the extent of his mental faculties. Rashiz chuckled. 

“Both human too.” Jalen sat staring at her in confusion, head cocked to one side as he tried to rationalize this information with Rashiz’s prominent fangs and bright green skin, all while she just smiled at him more broadly. She leaned forward. “I’m  _ adopted _ , Jalen.”

“Oh.” She snorted at him, shaking her head and reaching forward to grab her tea again. 

“I’m sorry for teasing you, but it was really funny watching you trying to figure that one out. Believe me, you’re not the first person that I’ve gotten with that.”

“That’s-that’s really cool that you’re adopted, though. You were young then?”

Rashiz nodded, a contented smile on her face, which fell slightly as she looked back into Jalen’s eyes. He felt pinned in place for a moment as the gold of her irises shimmered in the dim light of his living room. She reached forward slowly, taking his hand.

“I didn’t fully finish telling you how sorry I was that that family wasn’t the right fit for you. I wish things had worked out differently.”

“Me too,” Harpo chimed in. Jalen looked at him and saw that his eyes too were filled with sympathy. He felt a similar rise of panic in his chest as he always did when conversations strayed too close to what had happened all those years ago, but then the weight of Rashiz’s hand on his filled him with a different feeling, a longing for closure, for someone to know. Jalen pulled his hand shakingly out of Rashiz’s, lifting it to begin to unbutton the collar of his shirt. They only shook slightly as he got the first one open. The next. Jalen took a deep breath, gaze focused insistently on the cover of a book sitting on his coffee table:  _ The Vedalken Library at Uzanya: a History _ , before peeling his shirt down. He heard Harpo gasp, felt rather than saw the flash of his hand coming up to his mouth. Rashiz was silent. Jalen glanced up at her only to feel his breath still at the pure rage he saw in her eyes, her gaze focused on the perfectly circular scars from cigarette burns that were dotted in a line that ran just under his left collarbone. 

“They did this to you?” Rashiz asked softly after a long moment of silence. Her eyes once more locked with Jalen’s, the expression in them a combination of searing anger and a cool and soothing gentleness. He nodded. She held his gaze, his breath a rushing ocean in his ears as the silence stretched between them, and then Rashiz was shifting, crawling forward on her hands and knees until she was on his side of the table. She sat, facing him, and then Jalen saw her arms open, held aloft in invitation, but not forcing. Jalen almost didn’t let himself, couldn’t bear the prospect of comfort when the voices in the back of his mind were clamoring in their old way that the scars were marks of what he deserved, that he wasn’t allowed to want this. But then her eyes were on his again and he was falling, falling into her embrace as the tears streamed down his face, tears that he had never fully let himself succumb to before, and her arms were coming up around him, warm and safe and the voices stopped their hateful whispering as her hand came up to cup the back of his head, her voice soft as she murmured.

“They can’t hurt you anymore. I won’t let them.” Jalen could only sob quietly in response, his hands clutching her back as if she were the last thing on this earth. He felt another pair of arms enfold him. Harpo’s. 

“Jalen, I’m so sorry. I’m s-so sorry.” He was crying too, his tears falling onto Jalen’s head and he found a margin of comfort in that, and he felt a knot of tension around his heart, one that he held so long he had forgotten it was there, suddenly come undone, a sense not that he was healed, but that he could be. 

“Thank you,” Jalen whispered, the tears still falling but slower now, calmer. They stayed like that for a long time before Jalen finally sat back, his friends’ arms retreating respectfully, first Harpo’s then Rashiz’s. Jalen smiled at both of them genuinely, if a bit watery still. He felt a small shift under him, and glanced down to see that he was fully sitting in Rashiz’s lap, he looked up to see her smiling at him somewhat regretfully as she extricated herself. Jalen’s limbs flopped ungracefully at his sides, and he was reminded that he was distinctly still intoxicated. Rashiz seemed to be more aware of this than him, saying,

“I’m going to get you a glass of water, okay?” Jalen seemed to remember that water was a good idea and nodded. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to look at Harpo.

“Do you want to talk about it the rest of the night or would you rather we just goon around until we can talk about it later?” Harpo asked. Jalen considered it.

“I think I’d like to talk about it more, but when I’m sober.”

“Fair enough.” Harpo grinned, turning to Jalen’s TV and scanning the coffee table for the remote. “You wanna do karaoke?”

Jalen laughed at Harpo’s excitement. “Sure.”

Rashiz returned with water just as Harpo pulled up a karaoke version of  _ 500 Miles _ . The three of them then sang for well over an hour, Harpo doing most of the legwork, with Rashiz singing along very offkey. At one point, there came a knock on the door, Jalen’s landlord, who looked irate at first, but was quickly disarmed by Harpo’s charm.

“And may I add, though my good friend Jalen has spoken at length of how much he enjoys your frankly luxurious apartment, he failed to mention that it came attached with one of the most exquisite benefactors I have ever had the privilege to meet.” The landlord blushed to the top of his bald spot, waving his hand in embarrassment. 

“I’m sorry to disturb you. Please, enjoy yourselves.”

“We will, I’m sure,” Harpo winked. The landlord flushed even further, standing there mutely as Harpo closed the door, somehow managing to seem polite as he did so. He staggered back towards the two of them, Rashiz now rolling on the floor trying to hold in her laughter while Jalen giggled.

“If the two of you will excuse me,” Harpo began before collapsing on his side and immediately falling asleep. Rashiz glanced at her phone.

“Oh gods, it’s late.” Jalen hummed in agreement, eyes flagging as his head nodded, a smile on his face. “I think I should get him home soon.” Rashiz added, nodding to Harpo’s form on the floor.

“Okay,” Jalen said, realizing that he should probably stand. His head nodded again without his accord, eyes closing, and he heard Rashiz sigh before he felt an arm at his back, another slipping under his knees. She picked him up like he weighed nothing and Jalen giggled as he clung to her. His face was buried in the crook of her neck and Jalen found his breath filled with the scent of her hair and skin. He let out a hum of contentment, smiling. Jalen heard a rustling sound and then she was laying him down on the bed, turning him on his side to face her, hand lingering on his shoulder as she looked into his eyes.

“We can stay, you know, if you want.” Jalen shook his head emphatically, his hair falling in front of his glasses. She reached forward, her face going blurry as she slid the frames from his face. Her hands were so big. Jalen grabbed at one of the green blobs by his bedside stand, bringing it closer to him where it cleared into a palm, five fingers. There was a scar on her thumb, and Jalen’s fingers ran absentmindedly over it. He pressed the hand to his face, snorting at how completely it covered him. A slight shift, his hand now held, and Jalen’s eyes fell closed, a feeling of utter peace blossoming through him as he fell swiftly into sleep, the last thing he heard a barely audible whisper.

“Goodnight, Jalen.”


	8. A Parting and a Profession

Jalen woke the next morning to a fairly strong, if not debilitating headache, terrible breath, and fortunately most of his memories from the night before, though the ones from just before he fell to sleep were fuzzy at best. Jalen fiddled with his sheets for a moment, frowning slightly, before the memory of Rashiz carrying him, of his completely and utterly foolish behavior, and of her staying with him until he fell asleep came rushing back to him in one jumbled rush. Jalen put his hand out to his bedside stand where she had put his glasses while his unoccupied one cupped his forehead as he groaned, the flood of memories suddenly crystal clear regarding every embarrassing thing he had done. As his hand brushed the wood of the table, he felt a small papery rasp on his fingers before they made contact with the cool metal of his glasses’ frames. Jalen shoved them on hastily, vision sharpening to reveal a small note left just next to his phone, which was plugged in, though Jalen was certain he hadn’t done that. He unfolded the paper only to have two ibuprofen fall onto his lap. Jalen glanced quickly at the note, which read,

‘t _ hought you might need these, hope you slept well! Don’t forget to eat something with them!!! -Rashiz _ ’

Jalen continued looking at the note as he reached for the glass of water sitting on his nightstand, only realizing after he had swallowed both pills that Rashiz must have left the water for him too. Though he really didn’t want to get out of bed, which seemed more comfortable than ever, Jalen managed to haul himself up and stumble to the kitchen, finding a sleeve of crackers and tearing into them, then reminding himself that he could stand to make his repast a little more refined, and reached for his peanut butter and honey jars, smearing a little of each on his crackers. As he ate, Jalen thought back on what he had finally managed to say, and how much lighter he felt for it, even today. There was still some residual panic and feelings of guilt, but the memory of his friends’ arms and caring looks soothed these somewhat. Once Jalen felt the ibuprofen kick in, he figured it was probably safe to look at a screen, turning his phone on only to see a message from Rashiz from around 4am. It was a picture of her and Harpo in the car. His head was slumped completely back and it looked like he was drooling, Rashiz’s right eye shining gleefully in the foreground, her wavy curtain of hair tucked behind her ear so as not to obscure Harpo. 

_ ‘made it home okay!’ _

Jalen shoved the cracker in his mouth, his thumbs tapping lightly over his keyboard.

_ ‘How’s Harpo’s head?’ _ Jalen put his phone down on the counter, expecting that Rashiz wouldn’t be up for another couple hours judging on when she had sent that message, and started making himself a cup of tea, the motions virtually automatic with how many times he had done it before, the act of it comforting in and of itself. As he poured the hot water over the leaves, the smell wafting up on the steam from the cup he heard his phone buzz. Flipping it over, he saw another message from Rashiz.

_ ‘i imagine just a little bit worse than yours. how’re you feeling?’ _

__ _ ‘Fine thanks to you. Thank you for putting up with me last night, I know I got sloppy’ _

__ _ ‘you’re far from the worst drunk person i’ve taken care of. downright gentlemanly’ _

A few beats passed where Jalen flushed, thumbs frozen above the keys and unsure what to say before a new message popped up.

_ ‘also if you feel too bad, please don’t stretch yourself but as soon as harpo fully woke up this morning he started crying cause he wanted to see you again before his flight left. wanna say goodbye to him at the airport? evets is seeing him off, along with nelle (also she wouldn’t tell you this but I know she’d like to see you too)’ _

Before Jalen could type a yes, another message.

‘ _ but DON’T go if you still feel sick!!!!!’ _

Jalen laughed, smiling to himself.

_ ‘I would love to see him off, thanks for the heads up’ _

__ _ ‘np’ _

Jalen got dressed quickly, already feeling much more energetic than the other times he had woken up from a night of drinking, and drove to the airport in quick time, scanning his eyes over the crowd near the check in as he entered. Jalen thanked the gods that the siblings were all over six feet, and made his way over to them, weaving through the crowd. He snorted just slightly as he got closer, spotting a pair of sunglasses perched resolutely over Harpo’s eyes. Nelle noticed him first, expression barely shifting, but Jalen could tell she was still glad to see him, giving both Evets and Harpo a nudge. The brothers turned, expressions of delight breaking over their faces as they saw him approaching, Harpo reaching him first and crushing him in a bearhug, Evets following swiftly. Jalen thought it a small wonder his ribs hadn’t broken yet as they put him down. Tears were running in an impressive burst down Harpo’s face as he stepped back, appearing from behind the glasses like a miniature waterfall.

“You came!” Harpo cried happily, voice just a tad hoarse despite how much he’d sang the night before. 

“Of course, Rashiz told me you wanted to see me before heading off.” Jalen glanced around, unable to spot her. “Has she gone already?”

“Oh no, she went to see her dad at the-” Evets began before Nelle cut him off with a vicious elbow jab to the sternum. She turned to look at Jalen as Evets crumpled to the ground, wheezing. 

“We’ll let her tell you why she wasn’t here. It’s not our place to say.”

“O-okay,” Jalen replied, somewhat fearfully, glancing at Evets’ quivering form, still sounding like he was unable to draw a full breath.

“Well, shall we get going?” Nelle said cheerfully, grabbing Harpo’s carryon for him and marching towards the security. Harpo shuddered as Evets managed to crawl to his feet.

“It’s a wonder she didn’t kill us years ago,” Harpo murmured, giving Evets a rub on the back, seemingly to open his lungs back up. The remaining three of them followed her obediently, eventually making it to the back of the line, which unfortunately looked rather long, but was moving quickly. Harpo turned to give each of them a hug in turn, saving Jalen for last. 

“You keep in touch, alright?”

“You better believe it.” 

They waited until Harpo had made it through security, where he gave them one final wave before turning and shambling off towards his gate, only somewhat looking like a man who was recovering from a severe hangover.

“I feel bad, I didn’t know that he was flying today or I wouldn’t have suggested-”

“Hey, it’s not your fault. He had a great time last night, wouldn’t stop talking about it on the ride here,” Evets said. Nelle nodded in agreement. The three of them headed out of the airport together, headed towards the parking lot, Evets and Nelle stopping before Jalen, having parked closer. He stopped to give them both a hug before saying goodbye, but Nelle stopped him just before he could walk away with a hand on his shoulder.

“Jalen, you don’t have to talk about it now but...on the ride here Harpo started crying right after he cut himself off talking about last night. He didn’t tell us anything but he said you might have something to say. Again, no pressure but-”

Jalen put his hand on hers giving it a small squeeze and smiling with only a hint of remorse.

“I don’t mind, just…” he paused for thought. “Would the two of you mind walking with me while I tell it?” The two of them nodded, and Jalen told them in some detail of what had happened last night, even giving them a little more information than he had Harpo and Rashiz. 

“So since my foster dad hadn’t contacted the orphanage when we moved, it took them longer to find us. They took me back as soon as they did. Think they would've even if they hadn’t seen what was happening, suddenly packing up and moving in without informing the people that are required to check in on your living situation is kind of a deal-breaker.” They had been walking up through the parking garage and had made it out onto the open air level. Jalen stood in the cold winter breeze, the air tugging lightly at the edges of his coat while the steel grey and dusty blue clouds floated by swiftly above them, promising snow. He looked up at the sky for a long moment, breathing deeply, the air sitting cold and clear in his lungs before looking back at Nelle and Evets. The brightness of the clouds left faint residuals of blue black shadows on their faces. 

Nelle’s face was completely impassive, but something about the way she held her body felt to Jalen like a bowstring pulled taught. Evets was crying, huge, stifled sobs wracking his hulking form. Jalen smiled. He felt almost as light as the clouds floating above him. 

“I won’t tell you that you don’t need to feel sorry, but I feel good. Not perfect, but good. I love my job and-and I’m really happy I was able to find you all again.” Jalen ignored the fact that he had almost confessed his love for Rashiz in front of two of his childhood friends, continuing to smile at them while the wind whistled by, brushing the edges of his hair into his eyes and stinging the tips of his ears. “I promise, I won’t lose you again.”

Jalen walked forward, hugging both of them fiercely. None of them said anything. They didn’t really need to. They walked together back down to their cars, their footsteps echoing softly off the vaulted ceiling of the garage. Jalen gave each of them another hug as they parted ways, not forever, but for now, and drove home, happy and warm. 


	9. A Fever and a Fading

The next two weeks passed relatively calmly. The routine of Jalen’s life had fallen into a comforting monotony that seemed to imbibe him with more energy rather than sucking it away. Rashiz certainly helped with that. He hadn’t asked her why she hadn’t been there the day they saw Harpo off. Her eyes had been slightly puffy and bloodshot the next time he saw her, and Jalen couldn’t tell if it was from lack of sleep, or crying, or maybe both. Jalen wanted to ask her, to help her, felt the question crawling up his throat trying to get out everytime he saw her eyes looking downcast, her smile as false as it was bright, but then he would hear the bustle of the cafe and the chatting patrons and decided that she would tell him, in her own time. He hoped. 

Jalen was ruminating on this thought one day in his office when he suddenly felt a chill run up his back. He shivered, glancing behind him to see how his window had managed to get open only to find it tightly shut, which then left the question of why he felt so cold. Jalen shook his head and returned to his work but the next few minutes saw him actively shivering, and his head felt light and heavy at the same time, the fluorescent lights above him swirling at the corners of his vision while his hands gripped, white-knuckled, at the edge of his desk. He felt absolutely horrible. Horace had already gone home and there wasn’t anyone else nearby that would hear him if he called out. Jalen almost considered getting up but as soon as he shifted his weight forward to do so, his vision swam, going black for a brief moment, and Jalen got the distinct impression that if he stood up fully he would pass out cold. 

Panic rising in his chest, his mind scrambling over what to do, his eyes suddenly lit on his phone and without thought, he was holding it to his ear as it rang, realizing what he was doing only as the ringer stopped, a warm and familiar voice coming from the other end.

“Jalen?”

“H-hi Rashiz,” he answered back. His voice came out a raspy gasp, and Jalen winced at how pathetic it sounded even to his own ears.

“Are you alright? Wait, are you sick?” Rashiz’s tone was brimming with concern, and Jalen could almost see her furrowed brow, her lips pursing together slightly as she tended to do when she was worried.

“I thi-think I am.”

“Okay, okay, where are you?”

“I’m at work.”

“What building?”

“W-what?”

“Can you tell me what building you’re in? I’ll come get you.”

“You, you don’t have to-”

“You walked right? I don’t want you out in the cold if you’re sick, it’ll just make it worse. Can you meet me out front?”

“I-I don’t know if I ca-can.”

“That’s okay. Hey,” Her voice was so gentle that Jalen felt almost like crying. “It’s alright, I’ll be there in five minutes, okay? I just need you to stay where you are, I’ll be right there. Now, can you tell me the building and room number? I’ll stay on the line with you then.”

Jalen told her weakly, and in what felt to him like much less than five minutes, though time was starting to lose its solidity, Rashiz was striding through the door, only hanging up when she locked eyes with him, stowing her phone quickly in her pocket. Jalen felt a distinct sense of whiplash seeing her in his office, something about her form filling the space reminding him somehow of seeing a bird in an airport. She knelt in front of his chair, eyes scanning his face while she pressed her hand to his forehead. Jalen closed his eyes with a shudder, the warmth of her hand felt like a balm against the shivers that were racking his frame, but she pulled it away with a start and Jalen opened his eyes to see hers filled with worry.

“You’re burning up.”

“I’m c-cold,” Jalen answered dumbly. Rashiz stood, glancing around the room until she snatched up his coat hanging at its stand a few paces from her. She gently folded it around him, crouching once again so that their eyes were level with each other, speaking calmly.

“I’m going to take you home and call the hospital to see what they think, alright?”

“Okay.”

“I’m going to pick you up now, okay?”

“I can try to st-stand.”

“Jalen, the anemia means you’re prone to fainting, right, especially when you’re sick? Please let me carry you.”

He nodded, feeling ashamed, but the look of relief on her face when he acquiesced made him feel somewhat better, and then Rashiz was moving to his side, slipping her arm under his knees while his arms wrapped around her neck, and Jalen was suddenly reminded of the night he was drunk, the motions feeling almost natural, practiced. He bit back a whimper as she pressed himself to her, the feeling of her body heat sinking into him like descending into a steaming bath. Jalen felt the chills recede somewhat as she began walking out of the office, shutting the door behind her. Jalen thanked the gods that he didn’t have any more classes, and thanked them still further when they made it out into the deserted hallway. He didn’t know how he would explain the sight to any of his coworkers, especially Horace, who would take it in entirely the wrong way. They made it to the doors to the building, and Jalen let out a preemptive shiver at the cooler air that swirled around them, the chill crawling under his skin like something alive. Rashiz clutched at him more tightly, and Jalen closed his eyes, bracing himself for impact, but felt something soft and warm being wrapped around his head, and opened his eyes to see Rashiz tucking the tail end of a knit scarf into the front of his coat, holding him with one arm. She then shrugged out of her own coat faster than Jalen could protest, wrapping that around him as well. 

“Now, it’s going to be cold for just a second, but I left the car running, so it’ll be nice and warm when we get there. Ready?” Jalen gave her another nod, and then the door was opening and he couldn’t think. The cold was worse than anything he’d ever felt. If the air by the doors had been something alive in a benign, harmless way, then the cold outside felt like a beast, predatory and deadly. But no sooner had the cold sunk its claws into him than he was being placed with incredible gentleness into the passenger seat of Rashiz’s hatchback. She hopped in just a moment later. Once her door was shut she reached over to buckle him in, her hair falling to her left, light shining through it like the sun through stained glass. Her car was warm like she had promised, but Jalen found himself missing the heat of her, his shivering returned as she sat back in the driver’s seat, shifting the car into reverse and slinging a hand around the back of Jalen’s seat to look behind her as she backed up. Jalen stared transfixed at the line of her neck, the arch of her shoulder, the curve of her arm but then her hands were at ten and two and the car was moving forward, the snow whipping past the windows in a blur of white. As they drove, Rashiz kept up a constant stream of reassurance, her voice rolling over him in waves.

“It’s only going to be a little bit and then we’ll get you all fixed up, okay? You’re gonna be just fine.”

Each statement curled comfortably in Jalen’s chest, the meaning lost to him, now slipping into a kind of hazy consciousness, but the tone recognizable. The snow outside was turning to feathers, falling in slow motion instead of time hurtling past backwards and the noise stopped. Jalen started to weep, tears of silver leaking from his eyes because that voice was important but he couldn’t remember why, only that it was tethering him to something vital, but then a great panther of ice with eyes of brightest blue loomed on the horizon, hunting him. It sprang forward and Jalen quaked before it, but as it drew near a tiger of flame roared into life, claws flying out and gouging its face, ice melting into a deformed unholy conglomeration. The creature screamed, muffled and hideous and fled from them as the tiger turned and enveloped Jalen fully, its stripes of molten gold detaching and forming bracelets on his wrists and ankles, a collar of living flame wreathed around his neck and Jalen was kneeling as a golden sun descended, beams of light stretching out to his shackles, connecting them. Jalen closed his eyes as he was consumed utterly, falling into inky blackness. 


	10. A Revelation and a Reminiscence

“And you’re sure he’s going to be alright?”

“He should be just fine. The fever should break in a couple of days, might have some crazy dreams in the meantime, and he’ll be a bit weak when he wakes up, but nothing to be worried about. We get cases of magmin fever every year around this time. Just make sure he gets plenty of fluids and bedrest, he shouldn’t exactly be running any marathons. And his blood pressure is going to be really low, I know that you said he has anemia?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Just make sure he doesn’t try to change his position from lying down, sitting, or standing too suddenly, he’ll be at risk for fainting. Did you have any other questions?”

Rashiz shook her head no, then realized the woman on the other end of the phone couldn’t see that.

“No, thank you so much.”

“You be sure to call back if they’re any significant changes.”

“I will, thank you again.”

A click from the other end. Rashiz rose from the couch with a shaky sigh and went to stand in the doorway of Jalen’s bedroom. He lay still now, white hair fanning out on his pillow, stark against the darkly dyed cotton. Rashiz swallowed. She turned, padding softly into the kitchen and looked down at her phone, pulling up the contact she needed. The phone rang for a few beats before the caller at the other end picked up.

“Heya Rashiz,” said Horace cheerfully. “How may I be of service?”

“Hiya Horace,” responded Rashiz quietly. “Would you be able to contact Jalen’s students through an email list or anything like that?”

“Well sure, but why? Is he okay?” Horace’s voice was slightly tinged with panic.

“No, no, he’s fine,” Rashiz reassured. “He’s just sick. I thought it would be a good idea to let his students know why he wasn’t responding to their emails, give them a couple days off.”

“Is he so sick he can’t answer emails?”

“He seemed pretty loopy when I got him inside and the doctor said he should be getting lots of rest.”

“Okay, alright, I’ll let his students know. Is anyone with him? Does he need anything?”

“He’ll be fine, and yeah, someone’s staying.”

“Who?”

“Oh, well-um me.”

There was silence from the other end of the telephone and for a moment Rashiz thought the call had dropped. Then Horace’s voice came through, somewhat somber.

“Rashiz...please be gentle with him.”

“What?”

“It’s just-he cares about you a lot, you know?” Rashiz was pulled violently into the memory of the day Jalen had told her he wasn’t like Horace, which she knew was just a roundabout way of telling her he wasn’t interested, and that she had been obvious enough that he’d had to feel the need to say it. Gods, she’d remembered how nervous he’d seemed, his refusal to meet her eyes as if he was afraid of seeing how hurt she’d be. She snapped out of the memory with a start, staring at a small scuff on the kitchen floor, dark grey against the linoleum.

“Yeah, I know. I will. Thank you, Horace.” She hung up just a little bit before what would be considered polite, burying her head in her hands. She didn’t know why she was surprised that Horace knew, but it still hurt, like getting a scrape on an arm that was already broken. Rashiz straightened up and strode to Jalen’s bookshelf in the living room, doing her best to let go of the pain. She’d need something to pass the time. Jalen’s shelf seemed to be filled with mostly archeological texts, which didn’t surprise her, but the few that she cracked open had her eyes glazing over within seconds. Gods, how did this stuff sound so interesting when Jalen was talking about it? Her eyes lit on a smaller volume, bound in an unassuming light brown.  _ Leaves of Grass _ . When she cracked it open, Rashiz realized that it was actually a book of poetry, not a nature guide as she had thought. As much as she would have wanted to find out the differences in local flora, this would do. Besides, it was better to actually be outside than to read about it anyway, although Rashiz would have taken even just reading about nature at this point. Since her dad had gotten worse, she hadn’t been able to hike the way she used to, and she hadn’t been able to walk the dogs at the local shelter in more than four months. No use dwelling on it. Book in hand, Rashiz made her way back to Jalen’s bedroom. 

She moved into the room slowly, trying not to make any noise, and slowly sank into the chair she’d placed near the head of the bed, putting her book down on the side table and leaning forward to examine his face more closely. The same twinge of guilt she’d felt when she’d stayed to watch him when he’d been drunk filled her chest, but she pushed it away under the pretense that she was only looking to make sure he was sleeping soundly, nothing more. Gods. She loved him, of course she did. Looking at him now, pale and weak though he was, she couldn’t help but think he looked as beautiful as the day they’d met, what felt like a lifetime ago.

Rashiz smiled to herself, remembering his nervous grin, his long slender fingers rubbing absentmindedly at the sleeve of his coat, the way his voice seemed to flow out of him like water, at times bubbling and bright, at others a sudden depth. She’d been doomed from the start. Jalen frowned in his sleep, murmuring and head tossing to one side and Rashiz reached out automatically, caressing his cheek trying to soothe him. He stilled at the touch of her hand, his expression melting back into that of a deep sleep, and he let out a puff of warmth breath, turning so that his lips ran over her palm. Rashiz had to resist the urge to flinch at the unexpected touch and the bloom of heat it brought with it, instead withdrawing her hand slowly, cradling it to herself. She was a mess. It was always like this with him. Whenever their hands touched, whenever they touched at all, she would dwell on each moment as if it was holy, running over it again and again in her mind like waves on a stone, even though she tried not to. 

As much as she wanted to crawl in, to wrap her arms around him and protect him from the world that had already hurt him, she couldn’t. Even if the prospect of holding him in bed under different circumstances didn’t lance an electric thrum of desire through her, she couldn’t, wouldn’t take advantage, no matter how much her core ached to know every inch of him. There had been so many moments where she’d almost caved, almost let the hunger overtake her, when he’d wiped the tea off her face, when he’d been standing at the door to Evet’s house looking so small and so vulnerable. When he’d lean forward to grab his food at the cafe and the thought would spring to her mind of grabbing his collar and finally, finally feeling his lips against hers.

She’d dreamed of him, multiple times. She’d wake up alone, the image of him writhing under her, his panting and gleaming and begging form burned into her skull, and she’d turn on her side, desperately trying not to not to think of him as her hand slipped down. The first night it had happened she’d refused to touch herself, had refused to give in, but had lain there the rest of the night, completely unable to sleep and wracked with guilt. She’d almost spilled boiling coffee all over herself the next day at work as a result. Ever since then, she’d been able to fall asleep each time after it happened, but the guilt hadn’t left for having done it more than once. Each time she saw him afterwards she was sure he’d be able to see in her face what she had done, but he would just smile at her in his gentle way and she would feel herself fall all the further. 

The worst of it was that it wasn’t just a physical attraction to him, that would have been manageable. She loved hearing him talk, watching the way his expression changed when he was explaining something. She loved his laugh, his intelligence, his earnestness. Everything. She remembered all the times Bob and Lucy would talk to each other about “Professor Elkader”. Hearing the way they admired him from the tone of their voices, about the utter kindness and consideration he showed his students, and the passion he obviously held for his subject had captured Rashiz’s attention on more than one late night. She would imagine what this professor must be like in real life, only to scoff at herself and continue with whatever she was doing. The day she’d met Jalen, she hadn’t realized who he was, and it had taken a few days more before the truth snapped into focus as she watched him talk with Bob and Lucy. By then it had already been too late, and all her prior knowledge just served to make her that much more of a fool for him. 

And she was certainly acting the fool now. She knew that she had a somewhat reasonable excuse, she was worried for his health and the doctor had implied he shouldn’t be left alone, but anyone with half a mind would be able to tell why she was really here, Horace obviously had by what he had said. Rashiz looked at Jalen lying there and smiled, bittersweet. Was it sad how happy she was just to be here like this? How happy she was every time she saw him? Maybe. But as she leaned forward to pull the blanket more firmly around him and he smiled just a little, still asleep, she found she couldn’t bring herself to care that much. 


	11. A Longing and a Leaving

Jalen came out of sleep like he was coming out of deep water, slowly and then rising towards the light of consciousness in an ever increasing rush. But when he opened his eyes, hand reaching automatically for his glasses on the bedside, he realized he must still be dreaming, because Rashiz was there, sitting in one of his kitchen chairs, her head craned back, eyes closed and mouth open, deep in slumber. Light was streaming in through the windows of his bedroom, illuminating the dust motes in the air as they fell in lazy spirals. Jalen sat up, putting a hand out sharply when his vision went dark for a moment. At the rustle of his hand on the coverlet, Rashiz let out a small groan, wincing as she moved her head forward, reaching up to rub the back of her neck. Her eyes fluttered open after a moment and a beat passed where she looked at him blearily, but then she was smiling at him, eyes still not quite focused and face soft from sleep. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked, voice scratchy from sleep.

“Fine, a little woozy, but-how long have I been asleep?”

“Around two days.”

“ _What?_ ”

“You would kind of come out of it every once and awhile, you’d eat a little or use the bathroom and then fall right back asleep, though I’m not really sure you were awake, you didn’t really respond to much. Don’t worry about your students, Horace emailed them and they’ve just been working on their projects over the weekend.” 

“Okay-okay.” Jalen looked around the room for his laptop, not quite frantically but getting close, but then Rashiz put her hand on his shoulder, turning him slightly to look into her face.

“I’ll bring you what you need, but you have to _promise_ you’re not going to overexert yourself. I-just, please? For me?”

All Jalen’s resolve melted away in a moment with the way she was looking at him. She seemed exhausted, deep bags under her eyes and her shoulders somewhat hunched, looking smaller than he was accustomed to, like she was shrinking in on herself. 

“I promise.” Rashiz’s face washed with relief, and her shoulders relaxed somewhat, but Jalen was frowning even as she got up to go to the kitchen. When she returned with a glass of water and a plate with buttered toast, he took the former politely while she put the toast on the bedside, sipping and then staring as the water sloshed within the glass as he lowered it.

“Rashiz…” he began. She looked at him inquisitively. “You said I was out for two days?”

“Mhm.”

“Were you here the whole time?” Rashiz paused for a moment, opened her mouth and closed it, looking torn. Finally, she nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Gods-shit, I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“Well, I mean-you had to take time off work right and I’m just-you shouldn’t have had to take care of me and gods, that’s not fair to you and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called, you shouldn’t have to-”

“I could have driven you to the hospital whenever I wanted. You do _not_ have to feel bad about this.”

“Then...why didn’t you?”

“Well for one, you’re my friend and that means I want to make sure you’re alright. Secondly, I didn’t want to land you with a hospital bill without your consent, you weren’t exactly in a fit state to do that. And finally,” she punctuated her point by handing him the plate of toast. “I’m used to taking care of mild to severely unresponsive patients, you were far from my worst.”

“Did you work for a hospital?”

“No I-I worked for a little while as a volunteer at a nursing home. Still do, sometimes.”

Jalen sat for a moment, quiet. Rashiz had looked away on the last, shoulders coming up again, subtle, but enough that Jalen noticed and was reminded once again of all the times he had seen her after her weekends, eyes swollen and face somber. That shadow of what she had yet to tell him loomed in the silence like something large moving in deep water. Rashiz’s eyes had glanced back up at Jalen’s silence and he smiled at her, soft and somewhat sad, desperate not to scare her off.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” he asked, as gently as he knew how. Rashiz’s face screwed up for a second, her bottom lip sucked in, nose crinkling, and eyes swimming with unshed tears, and she nodded. She took a great juddering sigh, looking down at her hands clenched tightly in her lap. 

“Before I do, are you okay to hear a lot of emotional baggage?”

“If it will mean you feel better then of course.”

Rashiz glanced up to give him a grateful look, but then her face fell somewhat as her eyes fixed on the middle distance.

“I was sixteen when my mom died. Drunk driver. The medical examiner said it was instantaneous. The driver died too and gods, I can’t tell you how many times I used to wish he’d lived so he could see how much pain he’d caused, but over the years I realized I just stopped caring about that, you know? Like everything had already happened and him suffering wasn’t going to change it. I was at home alone when the crash happened but my dad was in the car with my mom. He survived but he was in bad shape, I mean the brain trauma was so severe that he was actually in a coma for a few days afterwards, and when he woke up, I remember hearing him say he almost wished he had died too, the pain was that bad. 

“The settlement we got from my mom’s life insurance was enough to cover the cost of my dad’s medical expenses, but things got tight after that. I tried to keep up with school, but my dad wasn’t able to go back to his old job, his body had been damaged too much for him to do much of anything in the way of work, at least not the work he’d done before. My dad had been a carpenter-he actually built the house I grew up in- but the nerves in his arms and hands had gotten really messed up. I dropped out of school, luckily I was old enough where there wasn’t a cap on the hours I could work, and things were alright at first. But then my dad started having memory problems. He and my mom had adopted me kind of late in life, and he was already in his fifties by the time the accident happened. It turns out that the accident had accelerated the dementia that he would have gotten later, or maybe not at all, we just don’t know.

“At first it was just new information he’d forget, like he’d ask me if I’d gotten that raise five minutes after I had already told him. Then later on he got confused, I’d wake up sometimes and find him in the kitchen really late at night and he’d be crying because he couldn’t remember why he’d gotten up in the first place. It got so bad that one time I came home and he was gone, like not in the house, and the worst part was I just knew that he couldn’t remember how to get back, and I was terrified that he was going to get hit by a car or even worse, that-that I wouldn’t be able to find him at all and I wouldn’t know what had happened. Luckily he hadn’t made it very far, he was just in the local park looking at the birds, but that was the worst hour of my life, when I didn’t know. After that, I found the best facility nearby and got him settled. I had to sell our old house to help pay for his care.

“I still visit him on my weekends and I kind of take over things when I go, reminds me of when he used to…” Rashiz gulped, eyes squeezing shut and knuckles paling to spearmint as her hands clenched in her lap. “When he used to remember who I am.” Her voice broke and Jalen turned the covers aside, slipping his legs down to rest on the floor so that he was facing her, her eyes still tightly closed, a tear slipping out, then another as her face twitched and clenched with how hard she was trying not to cry. Jalen reached out very gently to rest his hand on hers and Rashiz opened her eyes, now completely filled with tears to look at him. Jalen let his hand retreat only to raise it along with his other, offering a hug silently, just as she had done for him. She was still a moment before leaning forward, slow, almost as if she was afraid he would disappear.

She settled in his arms like a leaf coming to rest on the surface of a pond, her suppressed sobs echoing through him like ripples. Jalen ran his hand up and down her back soothingly and whispered,

“I’m sorry, Rashiz. No one deserves that, least of all you.” Jalen felt her tears wetting where his neck met his shoulder and continued to rub her back as she cried, her arms encircling his waist as she gripped him tighter. They stayed like that until the wet patch formed from her tears had spread from the top of Jalen’s shoulder to an inch past his collarbone. Rashiz shifted her weight back, wincing at the darkened fabric of his shirt, her hand coming up and fluttering over it regretfully as his arms retreated, settling at his sides awkwardly, almost unsure what to do now. Her eyes glanced up to meet his and at the look of gratefulness in her now thoroughly red eyes was almost overwhelming. She gave him a shaky smile, still wobbly at the ends.

“Thank you, Jalen.” Her voice was croaky and broke on his name. Jalen smiled comfortingly to hide the overwhelming urge he had to lean forward and kiss the tears from her face, then remembered the toast she had made him, looking over his shoulder regretfully.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to let it go cold after you went through the trouble of making it.”

“It’s just toast, Jalen, and I think you should be apologizing to yourself since I used your bread. Here-” Rashiz leaned forward and to his side “I’ll make you some more.” Jalen started to lean back to give her room, but then Rashiz was yelping and falling forward and suddenly her weight was crushing Jalen down, her body pressing flush to his. Rashiz scrambled to lift herself, hands coming to rest by either side of Jalen’s head as her eyes darted nervously over him.

“I didn’t hurt you did I? Oh gods- I’m so sorry, I slipped and…” Rashiz trailed off, frozen, Jalen much the same. Her hair was hanging down, closing the two of them in like a curtain. The muscles of her arms were tensed with holding her body aloft, the length of her collarbones standing out like drawn lines while Jalen could feel the jut of her hips, not quite aligned with his own given her greater height, pressing against him insistently, the heat of her soaking into him like sunlight. Her eyes were huge, her mouth hanging open just slightly like she was surprised and where her breath would usually be, an absence, like she was holding it in. Jalen thought to himself how easy it would be if she bent down only those few inches...but then she was lurching backwards, face mortified. The whole thing had lasted less than a second. 

Jalen put on a commiserating smile before she had the chance to see how desperate he’d been. “No harm done, I’m fine.” A look of obvious relief washed over her and Jalen occupied himself by turning to get the plate of cold toast himself, avoiding looking at her in favor of observing the different porous air pockets in the toast, some filled now with solidifying butter. “I’m sure I’ll be fine on a quick jaunt to the kitchen.”

“You sure? I really don’t mind bringing it here.”

“No, I think I’d really rather try to walk sooner rather than later. Besides, if I can get about on my own then you don’t need to take care of me anymore- I mean I’m sure you’d love to get back to your own place.”

“Y-yeah.” An expression flitted over her face too quickly for Jalen to catch it, but then she was standing, offering him a hand to haul himself up, which Jalen took gratefully. They made their way to the kitchen with little incidence, Rashiz having dropped his hand after it was clear he wouldn’t faint after getting up. Once they got there, Jalen reached to put the toast in the microwave.

“No way, not doing that.” Rashiz was staring at him severely, arms crossed. 

“What?”

“Jalen, I’m not going to tell you what you can and can’t eat _except_ microwaving toast that’s already been toasted. Maybe it’s not a federal crime as it stands now, but I personally think that’s bullshit.”

“I don’t want to waste it though. It’s fine, I don’t mind.”

“You might not mind, but let me just show you something.” Rashiz reached over and turned on the oven, holding her hand out expectantly. Jalen handed her the plate. She put it in the oven, setting a timer on her phone for a few minutes, then grinned at him. “I guarantee that this is going to taste a hundred times better than-” she shuddered “-microwaved.”

Jalen snorted good-naturedly, which only made her smile broader. Her eyes widened suddenly, glimmering with excitement, and she leaned forward biting her lip before she asked, “Can I make you something else too?”

“Sure, but- what is it?” Rashiz shook her head. 

“Nope, this is a surprise.” Jalen squinted at her suspiciously, then shrugged.

“Fire away.”

Rashiz looked positively gleeful, turning to turn on his electric kettle while Jalen leaned back against his kitchen table. As Rashiz bustled around, grabbing mugs along with cinnamon and honey from his cupboards, Jalen smiled to himself and thought back to a time all those weeks ago when he’d imagined what his home would feel like with Rashiz in it, how much longing he had felt at the thought of her here. The reality was so much better. He felt a pang knowing she would be leaving today, and some part of him clamored to beg her to stay, which he shunted down firmly as she turned, having pulled the toast from the oven.

“Careful, plate’s hot.” She handed it off to him along with the oven mitt it was resting on. Jalen took it gratefully, munching on it as Rashiz turned on his electric kettle, putting a large dollop of honey and a dash of cinnamon at the bottom of each mug. She turned one last time, shooting him a mischievous smile before pulling the milk out of his fridge and setting it on the counter just as the water in the kettle came to a boil. As Rashiz poured the water into each mug, the scent of cinnamon grew even stronger, filling the kitchen, and Jalen found his eyelids drooping in spite of how much he had just slept, the scent incredibly relaxing. Rashiz added milk to the mugs, turning to Jalen again.

“Do you want something on the cooler side or hot?”

“Hot, please.”

She nodded, popping both mugs in the microwave. She turned to see Jalen’s notched eyebrow.

“It’s different from toast!”

Jalen only laughed, hands gripping the table’s edge behind him as his shoulders shook, Rashiz glowering at him from across the tiles, but Jalen could see her lips twisting as she tried not to laugh in turn. The microwave dinged, Rashiz carefully drawing the mugs out before handing him one, their fingers brushing by necessity as she let go of the handle. She held out her own and Jalen clinked his own to it gently before bringing it to his lips. It was delicious. Sweet and warm and utterly comforting, it felt as close to a hug as Jalen thought a drink could. He gazed down at the mug in wonder as Rashiz chuckled.

“My mom used to make this for me. I drink it every time I feel like I need a pick-me-up. Do you like it?”

“I love it, what’s it called?”

“Oh, well, there’s not really a name for it, it’s just kind of honey in milk.”

Jalen took another sip, closing his eyes and sighing as he felt it warm him from the inside out while the ceramic of the mug between his hands infused his fingers with heat. He and Rashiz drank quietly for a few more moments.

“I really liked that book of poems you have.”

“Oh? Which one did you read?”

“Only part of it, but _Leaves of Grass._ It just-” Rashiz paused, bringing her hand up and gesturing, as if she was unsure of how to put her thoughts into words “-you know?”. Jalen smiled and nodded. 

“I’m glad you liked it, do you want to take it with you to read the rest?” 

“You-You’d let me borrow it?”

“Of course.” Jalen put down his now empty mug and went to the living room, finding the volume at its customary spot and turning to hand it to Rashiz, who had come out from the kitchen as well. She took it tentatively, handling it almost as if she was afraid of hurting it. “Now my deal with lending books is that you have to let me know whenever you get to a part you really like, alright?” She nodded, smiling.

“Thank you, Jalen.” Jalen shook his head slightly. 

“This is the least I can do with how much you’ve done for me. I-I really appreciate it.” 

Rashiz opened her mouth for a moment before pausing, glancing at the now ruddy patch of light on his bedroom floor. The sun was setting. 

“Can I do anything for you before I go?” She had turned back to him, eyes full of something Jalen couldn’t read. He wanted to tell her yes, not to go, but then the guilt from how much he’d already inconvenienced her and the dark wisp of his mind that loved reminding him that she didn’t feel the same curled up against his longing and twined around the thought, smothering it. Jalen fixed a smile on his face. 

“I’m fine.”

“Okay.” Almost like a dream Jalen watched as they walked to the door, Rashiz grabbing her coat and drawing it around herself, scarf trailing out her left pocket. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jalen.” She was smiling at him and Jalen heard himself parroting back,

“See you then.” The door shut quietly a few moments later with a click that had a distinct air of finality to it. Jalen stood there numbly for a few moments before lowering his forehead to rest against it, his hand coming up as he felt some invisible line drawn from his heart to her stretching and thinning as he imagined her walking down the hall, getting to her car, driving away. Leaving. 

🝰

Out in the hall, a few tears were falling to the ground, catching the light of the sun and turning them to tiny rubies as Rashiz pressed her forehead against the door she had just closed, hoping against hope that it would open, that she wouldn’t have to leave. She stood there until the sun slipped below the horizon before finally turning and walking into the night. 


	12. An Eviction and an Entreaty

The next two and a half weeks passed more or less normally. Rashiz assured Jalen the next morning that she hadn’t gotten in trouble at work, and even had texted him a few times to tell him about the poems she liked. Jalen was still putting the finishing touches on his thesis and getting prepped for finals week, the cafe streamlining his usual manic preparations, making them smooth and easy. The Saturday after classes had officially ended for the semester saw Jalen walking into the cafe cheerfully, his customary excitement at the prospect of seeing Rashiz coming crashing to a halt as he approached the counter to see Nora looking back at him. 

“Um-hello Nora.”

“Morning.” Jalen stood there in silence for a few seconds before remembering that he actually needed to order, but as he opened his mouth to do it, Nora was leaning forward over the counter, her expression serious. “You need to call Rashiz.”

“What?”

“You need to call Rashiz,” she repeated. Her eyes were boring holes into him. Jalen had never seen her like this. Her voice lowered to a quiet hush. “She called in today crying and wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. Check on her.” Jalen nodded unthinkingly, already turning and walking out of the cafe, phone pressed to his ear as the line rang. It rang so long that Jalen was terrified it was going to go to voicemail before he heard it pick up, Rashiz’s voice coming through on the other end.

“Jalen, I’m sorry, this isn’t a good time.”

“I can hang up, but just answer me this, are you alright?” The line was silent a long moment before Jalen could hear Rashiz burst into tears. 

“No,” she whimpered, voice breaking.

“Okay, okay, is it something that would help if you talked about it?”

“Jalen, I don’t know what to do-it’s- I’m sorry.”

“Take your time,” Jalen was now fully speed walking back to his apartment, almost running. “I’m right here.” Jalen’s heart broke as he heard Rashiz continue to sob, the robotic tone of the phone line doing nothing to disguise the sound. He got to the front of his apartment, turning towards the side lot as her breathing evened out slightly, unlocking his car as she started to talk.

“My dad had a fall. He’s fine, but I had to use my rent money to pay for his medical treatment and he’s going to need more care which means more money a-and-” she took a shaky breath while Jalen turned the key in the ignition “-I got evicted.” Jalen’s hand on the steering wheel shook as white hot rage on her behalf seared through him, but his voice was surprisingly calm as he spoke.

“I’ll come help, can you give me your address?”

“I’m not-I just left, my stuff is in my car. I’m up at the park.”

“I’m on my way.”

Jalen cursed his car for going at what felt like half its normal speed but managed to make it there quickly, frantically scanning the lot before spotting a familiar hatchback, Rashiz herself standing not too far off, the wind whipping her hair around her. Jalen scrambled out of the car, making his way over to her. She was looking towards the town below; the park itself had been built on a hill which had been kept free of trees so as to offer those who went up there a perfect view. The gold of her eyes glinted bright in the light of the winter sun, the tracks of tears down her face like shimmering streams. She turned as he approached, attempting a smile only to have it cave in on itself, the line of her mouth going crooked and wry as her features tightened, her hand coming up to clutch at the collar of her coat as her shoulders shook. 

“Hey, it’s going to be alright.” Jalen put out a hand to touch her arm gently, keeping it there as he continued talking. “I promise, we’ll make sure that you have a place to stay. Do you think that Evets and Bernadette could...” Rashiz was already shaking her head no.

“They live too-too far away, I can’t-and the shelter is too far too and I can’t live out of the car and I just-”

“Come stay with me.” Rashiz’s head snapped up and she looked at him, incredulous.

“What?”

“Come stay with me,” Jalen heard himself say again and somehow it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Rashiz’s eyes were wide as the wind whistled between them, standing on the top of the hill.

“You would...you would let me?”

“Yes-I, I want you to have somewhere to stay until you’re back on your feet. I live nearby, you could even walk to work, you won’t have to pay rent, and-it’s the least I can do.”

“Hardly,” Rashiz laughed tremulously, hand coming up to wipe at her face. Jalen felt weightless. 

“Here, we can have you moved in in no time at all,” Jalen turned to look back towards her car, spotting only a few cardboard boxes in the back. He shot her an inquisitive look.

“My apartment was furnished,” she explained. “I don’t have much.” Jalen nodded.

“Well it’ll be an even faster move-in than I thought.” Rashiz laughed again, stronger this time, and Jalen felt his spirits lifting as she looked at him, her expression now a modicum happier. She shook her head slightly, looking down at her feet for a moment before shifting her gaze back to him, her face intent as she asked,

“How did you know to call me?”

“Well you weren’t at the cafe for one, and…” Jalen shifted his feet, not wanting to possibly land Nora in hot water. He glanced away before murmuring, “Nora was worried.” Rashiz sighed, fondly irritated, and Jalen felt a margin of relief. It seemed like he hadn’t gotten anyone in trouble. Well, maybe himself. By the time he and Rashiz made it back to his place and got the boxes inside, Rashiz glanced at the clock, then back to him. 

“Jalen, if it’s alright I’m going to go and work a half day, I feel bad for leaving Nora in the lurch. I should be back by 5, okay?”

“Of course, and Rashiz-” she turned from where she stood with one foot out the door. “-you don’t need my permission to come and go. This is your place too.” She smiled at him gratefully, giving him a quick wave. Jalen stood for a moment in his living room before the full reality of what he had done crashed over him in one terrible rush.

“Oh gods, oh gods.” He paced glancing around frantically as if some divine entity would pop out of the floorboards and tell him how to fix this. “Shit-goddamn-fucking shit fuck.” He was never going to be able to hide how he felt now. There was bound to come a point where her kindness would run out and she would realize what he really was and then she would be gone forever, he just knew it. Jalen ran to the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror before pointing one finger threateningly at his own reflection.

“You are  _ not  _ going to make her uncomfortable. You are  _ not  _ going to show how you feel. You are going to be a friend and you are going to help her and you are going to forget while she’s here that you love her more than anything in the world and that seeing her smile is more important to you than breathing and-gods damn me!” Jalen sank to the floor, holding his head in his hands. He focused for a while just on the rise and fall of his chest as he held each breath before releasing it. Jalen craned his head back and stared up at the ceiling before another swell of determination rose inside him and he closed his eyes, taking another, deeper breath.

“You  _ are  _ her friend, and she knows that, she wouldn’t be here otherwise.” And Jalen came to a very important realization. They  _ were friends _ . A smile washed over him along with a wave of relief, and knew somewhere in his gut that even if he didn’t love her the way he did, he would have invited her to stay anyway. “Alright...alright. So now you just have to act like that’s all you feel. You can do that. You can do this.” 

🝰

Jalen couldn’t do this. As five o’clock came nearer and nearer, he paced the length of his apartment, chewing on his nails, tidied, prepared dinner, basically anything to distract him from the looming truth that Rashiz was going to come back and was going to be in his house for the foreseeable future. He was so focused at one point on dusting the bookshelf that he failed to hear a knock on the door, only snapping out of his concentration when Rashiz’s voice came from the hall outside.

“Jalen? Can you let me in?” Jalen barely stopped himself from wrenching open the door like a madman, instead opening it somewhat more normally all while exclaiming in a rush,

“I’m so sorry, I completely forgot to give you the spare key this morning, I’ve got it here.” 

“Hey it’s alright, I forgot to ask for it,” Rashiz said calmly, taking the key from his hand. They stood together for a moment in silence before Rashiz’s head tilted up and she sniffed the air. “Are you cooking something?”

“Dinner, is stew alright? I had a bunch of beef tips frozen that I thought I should use up and that way there’d be plenty, I mean I usually cook a lot anyway for leftovers but I also thought you’d probably be hungry and, well, um…” Jalen realized he was rambling and trailed off, but Rashiz just looked overjoyed, still looking towards the kitchen and luckily not at his thoroughly flushed face.

“It smells amazing.” 

“Just finished, and I’ve got some bread to go with it. How was work?”

“Oh, it was fine. Nora was so sweet when I got back. Told me to tell you thanks from her, she was really happy I was doing better,” Rashiz said, shrugging out of her coat and hanging it on the hook near the door. “I think she would have been happy even if me coming back meant we weren’t understaffed.” 

“I’m sure she would have,” Jalen said as they walked back to the kitchen.

“You know, I think it actually worked out well that I wasn’t there earlier,” Rashiz added, an air of mischief to her voice. Jalen notched an eyebrow as he handed her a bowl from the cupboard. “Well, you see, Milnjov noticed how upset Nora was and came back as we were closing. Ended up confessing how he felt when he was saying how worried he’d been. Hearing it from him finally got it through to Nora and well…” Rashiz shrugged, a huge grin plastered on her face while Jalen filled her bowl. “She headed out early.”

They sat down at the kitchen table, and began eating in comfortable silence before Jalen shook his head. “I don’t want to be too harsh on them, they’re young after all, but how could they have thought they didn’t like each other? It was just so obvious.”

“I  _ know _ , they’re the worst.” Rashiz ate a large spoonful of stew, waving the piece of silverware around for emphasis as she continued, hand reaching for the bread. “Even when I’d point out everything to Nora, like the way he’d act around her, how he always seemed to come in when she’d be working-you know I would see him do trial runs where he’d walk by and look through the window to see if she was there-she never seemed to be able to accept the fact that Milnjov was head over heels for her.” 

“Well I’m glad it sounds like they’ve finally gotten things figured out.” 

“Mhm,” Rashiz agreed through a mouthful of bread. She swallowed and Jalen saw the column of her throat bob before tearing his gaze away and staring fixedly on the stew in his own bowl. A beat of silence passed.

“Jalen?”

“Hm?” He looked up, forcing his face to remain calm. Rashiz’s hands were fidgeting where they rested on the table, her shoulders hunching slightly and eyes flitting down before meeting his own.

“I’m not going to make you uncomfortable staying here, am I?”

“Wh-of course not.”

“You’re sure? I mean, I’m sure I can look around tomorrow, see if there’s anyone else who could.”

“Rashiz, you couldn’t make me uncomfortable if you tried, I mean it. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Oh, good.” More silence. Jalen felt the question crawl out of his throat like some sort of animal with a mind of its own.

“I won’t make  _ you  _ uncomfortable, will I?”

“ _ What? _ No way.”

“Alright then.” He stood up, equal parts relieved and mortified. “Sounds like we’ll be just fine.” He reached forward for Rashiz to hand him her bowl only for her to frown and draw it closer to herself.

“Uh uh, you cooked, I clean.” She held out her own hand, insistent. 

“You worked!”

“Too bad, give me that bowl.” There was a small smile creeping up from the corners of her mouth. Jalen felt an answering grin take root on his own face.

“Come get it.” Jalen rushed to the sink, turning the water on at full blast, the spray misting the front of his cardigan while he frantically dolloped soap into the bowl, the oil from the stew on the bottom retreating from each point like it was flinching. He could hear the scrape of a chair and Rashiz cursing and laughing at the same time.

“You son of a bitch, give me it.”

“Sorry, what was that? The water’s too loud, I can’t hear you.”

Jalen felt a looming presence at his side and glanced up to see Rashiz glaring down at him, snorting with repressed laughter. She held out her free hand again.

“We don’t need to do this, Jalen. Be good and hand over the bowl.”

“Fine,” he sighed, lowering his head and making as if to hand it to her before shoving it under the faucet as fast as he could. Unfortunately, he had failed to take into account how hard the water was on. The spray immediately turned on him like a miniature typhoon, arching up and hitting his glasses, his hair, soaking the front of him completely. He spluttered, reaching blindly for the faucet’s handle and finding it just as Rashiz’s hand was pushing it down. He could hear her trying to hold in her laughter, and squinted petulantly at her through his glasses, her form obscured by the water still streaking the lenses.

“Don’t look at me like that! That was all you,” she managed to choke out before finally succumbing, her laugh ringing throughout the kitchen, and Jalen couldn’t help but join in, the sounds mingling and twining together. 

“I better get changed,” Jalen said breathlessly, wiping at his eyes. Rashiz made a noise of agreement. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

“Oooh, yes!” Rashiz clapped her hands together once. “Can I pick?”

“‘Course.” Jalen headed to his bedroom, throwing on sweatpants and his favorite old hoodie along with a pair of fuzzy socks. As he padded into the living room he saw that Rashiz had already pulled up the movie on the TV. “Tarzan?” he asked. Rashiz turned, a grin on her face only to stop and stare at him wide-eyed. “What?”

“I’ve never seen you outside of your teacher clothes before. You look-different.”

“Good...different?” Jalen asked haltingly.

“Yeah, I mean, you actually look normal-wait,  _ no _ , not normal, you don’t look weird or anything like that usually, just-you look cozy.” Jalen snorted a little, sitting down on the couch and drawing his legs up before throwing the hood over his head and drawing the strings tight while Rashiz laughed. 

“Well, I feel cozy.” He tilted his head at the paused screen. “Want to start?”

“Sure, is this okay? If you hate it you can say no.”

“I love this movie. It’s a great choice, just wasn’t expecting it.” 

“What did you think I was going to put on?”

“I don’t know why, but I was expecting something like Planet Earth.”

“Okay, for one-” Rashiz raised her finger. “-Planet Earth is amazing, but it’s not a movie. And two-” she raised another finger. “-the last time I put it on for someone they fell asleep in five minutes.”

“ _ How _ ?” Jalen asked, incredulous.   


“I don’t know!” Rashiz cried, throwing up her hands. “It’s literally so interesting. Although the narrator does say glacier weird but you’d think that would make you more awake.”

Jalen’s mouth pursed and he looked off to the side before muttering, “I say it like that too.”

“Sounds like a personal problem.” Rashiz smirked. “Might want to fix that.”

“Could you put on the movie,  _ please _ ?”

“Sure thing, ‘glassier’ boy.” Jalen gently tossed a throw pillow at her which she caught one handed while looking at the screen. “You’re gonna have to throw it harder than that if you want to change my mind.”

“You know-”

“Shhhh, Phil Collins,” Rashiz whispered as she raised her finger to her lips. Jalen crossed his arms and glared at the title screen, though the effect was ruined somewhat by the fact that he was smiling. A pillow hit his shoulder softly and he looked over to see Rashiz smiling too, eyes reflecting the image of a burning ship while she drew her legs up, reclining and draping them over the back of the couch. They both settled in, Rashiz singing loudly off-key whenever a song came on. During one scene where Tarzan and Jane were swinging around on some vines, Jalen made a thoughtful sound, remembering something.

“What is it?” Rashiz asked.

“Nothing, it’s just-I’d forgotten the crush I had on Tarzan as a kid.”

“ _ Really _ ?” Rashiz exclaimed, surging up from her seat and gesturing to herself. “I had a crush on Jane. Wait, are you bi?” Jalen nodded, smiling. “Me too! Neat.” 

Jalen chuckled a little and they kept watching. By the time they were done, Rashiz had cried three times and Jalen once. She let out a contented sigh as the credits started rolling, sitting up and stretching her arms over her head, then glancing at the clock. “Looks like I better call it a night.” Jalen nodded.

“Sure thing.” While Rashiz grabbed her toothbrush and what he assumed were her pajamas, Jalen padded to the linen closet in the hallway, grabbing a couple blankets and bringing them out to the couch. Rashiz walked back into the living room, now wearing a loose shirt for a band Jalen didn’t recognize and some red athletic shorts that made Jalen gulp.

“Thank you, Jalen, you didn’t have to make it for me.”

“What? Oh, no, this is for me, you can have the bed.”

“No way.” Rashiz started walking towards him. “There isn’t an icicle’s chance in hell that I’m taking your bed. This is your house.”

“You’re my guest!” Jalen cried, holding his ground. 

“Look, I slept on the couch when I was here before and I know how uncomfortable it is for sleeping, which is why  _ I _ should be the one taking it.”

“No!”

“Well I’m not letting you sleep on it.”

“I’m not letting  _ you  _ sleep on it.” The two of them glared at each other stubbornly for a few moments before Jalen sighed. “You really won’t let me do this, will you?”

“‘Fraid not.”

“Alright, here, follow me.” Jalen picked up the blankets he had laid out and padded to his bedroom, Rashiz behind him. He layed out the blankets on top of one side of his bed, gesturing to it after he was done, one hand on his hip. “Since we’re both too stubborn for our own good, how does this work? I’ll sleep here, you can sleep under the covers on that side.” Rashiz shook her head.

“Nope, you’ve got to be under the covers.”

“Rashiz, you shouldn’t have to sleep on top like that.” She shrugged, arms folded. Jalen growled in frustration, pulling back the sheets and rolling up both blankets into tubes, placing them squarely in the middle and pulling the sheets back over top of them, a raised line marking the divide. He gestured squarely with his hand again.

“There, how’s that?” He asked through gritted teeth.

“Fine.” Rashiz growled back, her own fangs bared.

“Brilliant!” Jalen raised both of his hands in mock triumph. “If you’ll excuse me.” Jalen stalked off to the bathroom, brushing his teeth with far too much force before freezing in place, toothbrush paused mid stroke. Rashiz was going to be in his bed. Even as Jalen spit and shakingly put his toothbrush back in place he noticed Rashiz’s own sitting where the holder was usually empty. Oh gods, this was actually happening. Jalen walked blindly back to his bedroom only to see Rashiz perched on the edge of the bed, looking downcast. She glanced up as Jalen came in, then rubbed the back of her neck, looking away before saying,

“I’m sorry for snapping earlier.”

“No, no, I’m sorry-I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. No hard feelings?” Rashiz looked relieved, nodding, though her expression shifted into that of concern, and she leaned forward slightly.

“Jalen, are you a hundred percent sure I’m not going to make you uncomfortable like...this?” She gestured between him, her, and the bed. 

“Absolutely,” Jalen said while a tiny avatar of himself screamed in his head. “We’ve got the barrier and everything.” Rashiz smiled and Jalen watched himself walk to the other side of the bed, the side he usually didn’t sleep on but he wasn’t going to tell her that now, and get under the covers, acutely aware of Rashiz’s presence at his back as he set his glasses down. “Goodnight, Rashiz.”

“Night, Jalen. And...thank you.”

“No problem.” Jalen watched the blob of her shadow as it turned off the bedside lamp, the room fading to grayish black before he heard the rustle of covers, and then a shifting weight as she lay down. Gods, he could feel how warm she was even from here. Jalen lay awake for several minutes, just listening to her breathe. It evened out eventually, deep and slow as she fell asleep, Jalen sat up quietly so as not to wake her, reaching for the blankets blindly before a voice called out low in the dark. 

“Jalen, if you’re thinking of sneaking out to the couch right now I promise you I will drag you back here and tie you down with your own sheets.” Jalen lay back just as slowly as he had gotten up, thanking every god in the pantheon for the small consolation that Rashiz couldn’t see under the covers to where her words had caused quite a fuss. Against all odds, the steadiness of Rashiz’s breath and the heat of her body eventually drew Jalen down into a deeper slumber than he had ever known. 

🝰

‘Oh gods what the hell is wrong with you, how could you say that-you’re so-so  _ obvious _ ,’ Rashiz thought to herself as she lay there, eyes huge as she heard Jalen lie back down, face as hot as a brand as she continued to berate herself until the sound of Jalen’s breath and the slight weight of him on the bed lulled her to sleep. 


	13. A Humiliation and a Homecoming

It was summer. It was summer and Jalen was lying in a patch of sunlight and he was so warm, warmer than he’d ever been. All around him, green grass waved in the slight wind that blew rhythmically over the field, carrying on it the scent of flowers while white clouds scudded across the bright blue sky. Jalen smiled, closing his eyes and when they next opened, he saw that the grass had come together to form Rashiz, her skin the exact shade as the ground around her. She opened her arms, and Jalen fell into them gratefully, nuzzling himself up to slot into the space between her chin and shoulder as she fell backwards, tumbling him down with her. Jalen closed his eyes as the feeling of pure bliss filled him. When he opened them again, Jalen realized several things at once.

One, the grass was gone, replaced by wrinkled sheets and blankets. Two, he was in the exact same spot as his dream, Rashiz’s arms firm around his shoulders and back, her legs twining with his. Three, she was still asleep judging by her faint snores. Four, Jalen really had to pee, and had no idea how he was going to extricate himself to do so, only to realize that being able to pee would be even more difficult than he thought because five, Jalen was achingly, embarrassingly hard. Rashiz’s skin against his cheek was so soft it almost felt like velvet, hot enough that he could feel it in his bones, which was doing nothing to help his morning wood. Jalen frantically tried thinking of things to make it go down: his thesis, taxes, modern country music, but as soon as he started Rashiz let out a soft sound in her sleep, rolling on her back so that Jalen was now lying directly on top of her, his erection rubbing against her hip as she moved him. Jalen gasped at the friction, unable to cut himself off in time as his brain short-circuited. Rashiz let out a groan at the sound, and Jalen glanced up in horror to see her eyes fluttering open and meeting his own. She lay still a few moments, simply looking at him with a thoughtful, confused frown before Jalen felt her stiffen, arms growing even tighter around him as her eyes went huge and she cried out,

“AHHHHHHHHH I’M SORRY!” She surged upward and let go of him, and Jalen fell back on the bed with a grunt, though not before Rashiz’s jostling sent another thrum of heat through him. Jalen feverishly tried to pull the bottom of his hoodie down so she wouldn’t see but only succeeded in drawing more attention to what Jalen was certain she had already felt. If it was possible, her cheeks flushed an even deeper green, hovering somewhere around moss, and she covered her face with her hands while continuing a litany of apologies, not stopping for breath. “Oh my gods, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I-I-I don’t-I didn’t mean oh gods, I-”

“That’s alright,” Jalen insisted in a very high and strained voice. “I’ll be right back.” Gods, he was almost squeaking. Jalen managed to roll off the bed and sprint to the bathroom as fast as his legs would carry him, slamming the door behind him and pressing his back to it, breathing heavily. He glared at the blurry gray lump of his tented sweatpants, reaching over and turning the sink on to cold, before putting his hands under, praying that it would be enough. Of course it wasn’t. Jalen shot a despondent glance at the shower before turning the knob barely on, stripping as he looked forlornly at the spray of white in front of him. He stepped into it for barely a second and understood in that moment how people on the Titanic felt. His drastic measures had their desired effect and Jalen let out a sigh of relief.

He managed to use the toilet without waterhosing the bathroom despite the fact that he was trembling like a leaf in high wind, and grabbed a towel to dry himself off before chucking his pajamas back on and putting his hand on the doorknob, still shivering. He was so focused on mentally preparing what he was going to say to Rashiz to apologize that he didn’t notice her standing right outside the bathroom until he had almost walked right into her. 

“Woah there,” her hands descended to his shoulders, stopping him in his tracks, and Jalen whipped his head up, opening his mouth to apologize while feeling his cheeks burning with shame, holding back at the sight of Rashiz shaking her head. “You don’t need to apologize, I know it happens.” She looked to the side, hands dropping from his shoulders to wring in front of her. “It was my fault anyway.”

“If I’m not allowed to blame myself then neither are you,” Jalen said stubbornly, crossing his arms. Rashiz looked at him a moment before a small smile crossed her face.

“Deal.” Her head nodded to the bathroom behind him. “Is it alright if I use that? I have to start getting ready for work.”

“Oh-yeah, of course.” Jalen shuffled to the side and Rashiz brushed past him, the door shutting quietly behind her. There were a few beats of silence before the shower turned on again and Jalen realized he hadn’t moved. He scampered to the bedroom as quickly as he could before the mental image of Rashiz in the shower could start his problem over again from the beginning. He’d managed to get dressed, make the bed, and start breakfast by the time he heard the bathroom door open.

“Rashiz, how do you like your-” Jalen poked his head through the kitchen doorway towards the hall where Rashiz was frozen, standing in a towel with her hair plastered to her shoulders and back, much darker than usual, and the volume reduced to a fraction of its normal size. Jalen stood there stupidly, sentence unfinished until Rashiz gave him a nervous grin, shrugging, the muscles of her shoulders flexing as water droplets dripped to the hardwood below.

“Forgot to grab my clothes before I went in. Good thing there was a towel, huh?”

Jalen thought that death would be easier than this as his mind flashed back to the towel he had left hanging on the rack, now touching her. He managed to give her an answering smile while asking,

“How would you like your eggs?”

“Oh, anyway is fine.” She looked slightly more at ease, straightening up which only served to cause more of her to ripple and gleam in the light breaking through the bedroom window. She cocked her head to the side, smelling the air. “Bacon?”

“That alright?”

“Perfect, and hey, thank you for making breakfast.”

“You’ve made it for me often enough.”

“I only put your stuff in a bag after heating it up for you.”

“Well this isn’t so different, is it?”

“Jalen, it’s completely different.”

“Well you still deserve it as thanks.” Rashiz squinted, holding her pointer finger up threateningly.

“You just wait. I’m gonna get you back for this.” She jabbed her finger for effect and Jalen gulped as he saw her towel shift, almost slipping. Rashiz seemed to realize she was still undressed and turned towards the bedroom again, calling over her shoulder. “You just wait.” Jalen rolled his eyes happily and went back to finishing breakfast, the sound of the bedroom door opening reaching his ears after only a few more minutes. Jalen turned as she came in the kitchen, her hair damp but already starting to curl around her face. 

“You’re a saint,” Rashiz said, looking at the separate pans of bacon and fried eggs on the stove. Jalen shrugged nonchalantly, turning back to give the bacon a turn and letting out a small smile at her praise. He heard the toaster pop up and pivoted to get the butter from the fridge, blinking in surprise when he turned to see Rashiz already at the counter. She grinned at him and held her hand out. “At least let me be on toast duty, for old times sake.” Jalen could only chuckle, handing the stick over to her which she quickly took a small pat from, putting it in the microwave to soften it. Through their combined efforts, they were shortly able to sit down for breakfast, and Jalen marveled once again at how seamless her presence felt in this space, in this life, he thought maybe any life, as her fiendish smile at a terrible joke was making his head lean back, sides aching with laughter. Soon, though, she was glancing at her phone and standing, mouth twisted up at one side.

“Work?” Jalen asked.

“Mhm.”

“Well, would it- could I walk with you?” Her eyes brightened a little, and she nodded. “Would it be alright if I just brushed my teeth really quick first?”

“Sure thing.” Jalen then proceeded to do an absolutely terrible job of maintaining his dental hygiene given how fast he was going, and Rashiz raised an eyebrow when he tried to both launch himself down the hall and not seem like he was going that quickly. She gave him a quick once over. “No teacher clothes today?” Jalen glanced down at the outfit he had changed into, a large and lumpy old sweater and a well-worn pair of jeans before looking back up at Rashiz, feigning ignorance.

“Should I change?” She laughed. Jalen smiled, and they walked out the door together. Jalen only realized how odd the whole situation was when Rashiz had to stop and unlock the front door to the cafe, turning to him before they went inside.

“I’m going to have you come in the back before we open so people don’t try to come in, okay?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine. Would it be better if I waited?”

“No, you’re fine,” Rashiz replied, ushering him in. “Follow me.” Jalen trod behind her, experiencing extreme whiplash when they went behind the counter and into the small kitchen just behind it. There was a small room attached with a fridge in it along with some chairs and a table. “You should still have wifi here, if you want to work. We have about an hour to open, but our usual baker isn’t in so I need to go do his prep-lots of kneading.” 

“Can I help?”

“No can do. It would technically violate health and safety laws and besides-” she gestured to his bag. “You’re almost done with your thesis, right? I still have to read it.” Jalen frowned, somewhat put out, but gave a weary sigh and opened up his laptop while Rashiz smiled, waving at him from the door frame. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Alright.” Jalen managed to putter away at his work for a good little while, editing and revising mostly at this point. He could hear a couple people enter the kitchen, the murmur of their voices and Rashiz’s response coming to him from where he sat. The sound of steps approaching reached his ears, and he looked up to see Nora and the incredibly hairy halfling who Jalen seemed to recall had referred to himself as Krodor enter the staff room, both of them storing their lunches in the fridge. Nora held up her hand in greeting.

“Like, morning, Jalen.”

“Morning, Nora. And, uhm-good morning, Krodor.” The man stared at him for a few moments before laughing and slapping the table good naturedly, though the moments when his palm struck rattled Jalen’s laptop.

“Krodor never tell you his name Krodor,” Krodor exclaimed. “You smart. Krodor like you.”

“Um, yeah, like we better get started,” Nora added, gently towing Krodor away. Jalen gave them a weak wave, feeling distinctly shell-shocked. A few more minutes passed before Rashiz’s head poked around the corner, smiling.

“Alright, you can come out now.” She ushered him out of the kitchen after he gathered his things, bringing him out into the main cafe again. Jalen set his things down and made his way over to the counter to order, looking up at Rashiz expectantly, frowning in confusion when she just smiled back at him, eyebrows raised.

“What?” he asked. 

“Are you hungry already? We kinda just ate.”

“Oh erhm.” He stood there for a moment. “Just a coffee then?”

“Sounds great.” Jalen started getting his card out and Rashiz reached across the counter, putting her hand on his to stop him. “No,” she said simply. 

“But I’m buying something.”

“No,  _ I’m _ buying something. For you. Consider it my rent.”

“Rashiz, I drink a lot of coffee here, I don’t want you to waste your money on me.”

“Jalen, do you know how much you’ve saved me? Hm? A hell of a lot. Let me buy you a damn coffee. Besides-” she started punching in an order, swiping with her own card before Jalen could stop her. “It’s not a waste if it’s you.” Jalen stood there silently, completely unable to come up with a rebuttal, something about her words and the way she had said them forming a lump in his throat. She looked up at him after a moment, her brow knitting in concern. “Jalen?” He shook his head.

“Sorry, I just...thanks.” 

“Sure thing.” Rashiz’s voice was soft and full of that unbearable kindness that Jalen could never fully adjust to. Jalen soon found himself sitting at his customary table, sipping on the frankly glorious cup of coffee Rashiz had given him and typing with alarming efficiency on the last passage of his thesis he needed to complete. The cafe’s atmosphere had grown bustling and thriving at this point, and Jalen realized with a sudden start that he was done, the noise of the other patrons falling away as he stared with a strangely whole yet empty feeling at his laptop’s screen. He saved the document once more for good measure, replacing the finished version on his usb and uploading it to his cloud account as a final precaution. He shut the screen when he was done, eyes fixed on the middle distance as he looked forward. He felt a presence at his side. 

“All finished?” Rashiz asked, her eyes sparkling. Jalen nodded, slow, as if all the breath had been taken from him. He felt weightless. From behind her, Rashiz pulled out a small cinnamon bun, the icing clumped into odd shapes and piles, which Jalen recognized as letters as she held it out to him.

_ ‘Congrats Jalen!!!,’ _ it read. He took it from her like it was made of glass, holding it as tenderly as he could while tears sprang unbidden to his eyes. Rashiz just kept smiling at him.

“You made this for me?”

“Sure did. Managed to sneak it in along with the other major thing we had to bake today. Oh, that reminds me, I’m really happy you’re done with your work because things are about to get rowdy in-can I see your watch?” Jalen held out his wrist. “Twenty minutes.”

“Why rowdy?”

“You’ll see,” she replied with a grin. “But in all seriousness, I’m really proud of you.”

“Thank you, Rashiz. I-I don’t think I could have done it without you if I’m honest.” 

“I think the coffee had more to do with it than me,” she laughed.   


“No, I mean it.”

“Oh,” Rashiz was quiet, the moment stretching out between them, and Jalen saw her mouth open as if she wanted to say something but then the bell above the door was ringing and a scarlet blur was hurtling towards her, jumping up into her arms. 

“Hi, Auntie Rashiz!!!!” exclaimed Lily, who seemed to be dressed in a black tutu. Jalen looked up to see Evets entering the cafe as well, Rowan gazing out from his father’s chest somberly, strapped into a papoose. He held his arms out to Jalen, hands curling repeatedly.

“Hey there, you two.” Evets greeted them cheerfully. Rowan continued to make motions at Jalen, his dark eyes growing continuously more stormy as Evets failed to notice his desire to be put down. “Just got out of dance class.” He gestured to Lily’s tutu. Just then Jalen heard the bell ring again and saw the purple Tiefling woman who seemed to be a regular here. She was dressed in a form-fitting black leotard with a very long cardigan thrown over it, and smiled as she saw Lily in Rashiz’s arms. Behind her, two men Jalen had never seen before entered the cafe, one in a wheelchair and one standing, the latter holding the hand of a young girl who looked to be about Lily’s age. 

“Howdy y’all, nice to meetcha,” came in a deep southern drawl from the man who was standing. He flashed a blindingly white grin at all of them, and Jalen looked at him in disbelief, the man looked like he had walked right out of a fashion catalogue, hazel eyes and brown skin that looked burnished by the sun even with the weak winter light outside. Also for some reason he was wearing a cowboy hat. “Name’s Hector. My husband Terrence and I are new in town. We’ve already had the pleasure of meeting Anaris and Evets here. Our daughter Annabelle is in the same class as Miss Lily.” He winked at Lily who managed to blush even with her scarlet scales, burying her head in Rashiz’s shoulder in a fit of shyness. The little girl holding Hector’s hand let go of it and walked over to Rashiz quietly, raising her hands up after a moment. Rashiz smiled at her good-naturedly, kneeling down and picking her up in turn. Annabelle leaned over and touched Lily’s arm, smiling when the other looked at her. 

“Nice to meet you,” Rashiz said, looking between the three newcomers. Terence had moved over to where she stood, a beleaguered yet content look on his face. 

“Come on down now, Annabelle, don’t bother the nice lady.” His voice was a low rumble, and his arms where they reached up to take Annabelle from Rashiz were as thick as Jalen’s legs, probably bigger, muscles rippling under dark skin. 

“She’s no bother,” Rashiz said as she handed her over, setting Lily down at the same time. At this point it seemed that Rowan had had enough, Jalen watched as he put both of his legs out and then drove his heels into his father’s sternum, Evets letting out a wheeze as the air was driven from his lungs, looking down at Rowan in confusion as soon as he got his breath back. The young dragonborn glared balefully at his father before gesturing in exasperation to Jalen, who felt somehow touched and concerned at the same time. Evets quickly set Rowan down. As Jalen picked Rowan up after he toddled over, he watched as Rashiz took Hector and Terrence’s order at the counter, something she said making Hector throw his head back in laughter, Terrence smiling up at him fondly. Jalen found himself smiling too.

“Uncle Jalen, can I show you what I learned in dance today?” Lily was looking up at Jalen hopefully, her hands fisted in her tutu and moving it back and forth as she bobbed in place. 

“Of course,” said Jalen warmly, sitting back as Rowan leaned against his chest. Lily then proceeded to do a series of turns on the spot, and although they were more enthusiastic than graceful, Jalen smiled all the more widely when Lily was finished, looking at him expectantly and out of breath. “That was wonderful, Lily.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.” Lily positively beamed at him before her expression turned slightly more serious and she leaned forward, whispering.

“When are you and Auntie Rashiz going to get married?”

“I-I, well-uhm-”

“Lily, why don’t you go over and keep talking to Annabelle, alright sweetheart?” said Evets. Lily nodded, clearly forgetting her question already before rushing off towards where Annabelle stood near her fathers. Evets gave Jalen an apologetic look. Jalen glanced away from him only to be caught in Rowan’s gaze, the toddler wearing an almost accusational expression on his face as if he too wanted to ask the same question Lily had. Jalen handed him off to Evets without a word, going into the bathroom and standing with his hands at either side of the sink, staring at nothing. The muffled sounds of chatter from the cafe outside sounded almost like they were underwater, and Jalen felt very far away from everyone and everything, his brain turning over the fact that Evets could clearly see how he felt about Rashiz- that the  _ children _ could tell how he felt. The pit of his stomach was hollow, scooped clean. A knock on the door.

“Jalen? Are you alright?” Rashiz’s voice pulled him out of his spiral and Jalen washed his hands quickly, looking up into Rashiz’s concerned face as he creaked open the door. 

“Perfectly fine,” he lied. “Is this what you meant by the cafe getting rowdy?”

“Well, actually no.” Rashiz glanced over her shoulder towards the main area of the cafe. “I had no idea we were going to have new people coming in-not those new people at least. I think some of the new ones are coming now actually.”

“And who are these people?” Rashiz looked back at him and grinned. 

“Why don’t you come and see them?” Jalen followed behind her as she led him back to the main cafe, and Jalen quickly took in the sight of a jet-black lizard folk whose hulking form was causing the antique chair underneath him to groan, an old dwarven man covered in tattoos over his entire upper head, arms, and torso, which was clear to see given the hawaiian shirt he was wearing was completely unbuttoned, a half-elf man who was counting our what appeared to be iron nails, a towering automaton with shining blue eyes, and a slender half-orc woman wearing a white tank top and who didn’t seem to have a coat despite the freezing temperatures outside all sitting at the same table. None of them were talking to each other, though it didn’t seem to make any of them uncomfortable. 

“I had to make the tattooed guy put on a shirt, store policy,” whispered Rashiz. She had leaned down so she could speak into his ear and her breath tickled. “They’re here for the birthday party.”

“Birthday party?” Jalen glanced at her before hearing the bell ring over the door and the sound of someone laughing. 

“Put me down guys!” Poppy’s voice was barely audible through her giggling, and due to the fact that she seemed determined to keep taking turns kissing the six people by Jalen’s count that were holding her aloft through the doorway, which was no small feat as she had to keep contorting herself to reach not only the two men, a gnome and a halfling who were much closer to the ground, but also a tall half-orc man in addition to Bob, Lucy, and another woman Jalen didn’t recognize. “Why are we here anywa-” Poppy cut off as Jalen saw her eyes lock on the figures seated at the table. The six set her down as she rushed forward, catapulting herself from person to person while crying, “You guys  _ came! _ ” Jalen felt a nudge at his side, and Rashiz nodded towards the back kitchen. He tread softly behind her as she led him to the very back of the kitchen, opening the double doors of a giant freezer and pulling out a large ice cream cake with ‘ _ Happy Birthday, Poppy! _ ’ written in green cursive script across its surface, and what looked to be interlocking marijuana leaves drawn in icing all along the cake’s border. 

“Could you light the candles, please?” Rashiz asked, and Jalen spotted a conveniently placed lighter on the table nearby. As he lit them, the room filled with the smell of sweetgrass and Jalen looked to Rashiz, utterly bemused. She simply smiled and shrugged. “You wouldn’t believe how much money we got from making this. There’s CBD oil in it, so mind yourself if you have a slice.” Jalen could only splutter in bewilderment as he followed her back out the kitchen doors. Poppy was ensconced with the strangers at the table, her entourage filling in between them. Jalen could see Bob and Lucy chatting with the tattooed dwarf, they waved at him excitedly as they saw him emerge from the back, though their gazes soon shifted to the cake and they glanced at the lean half-orc man who stood, along with the woman in the tank top from before and began to sing, somehow managing to make Happy Birthday sound good for once, the man producing what looked to be a golden fiddle to accompany them. Jalen felt like he was losing his mind. 

Rashiz set the cake down with a flourish, Poppy sobbing hysterically, huge tears rolling down her face. The gigantic lizardfolk gave her a pat on the back while the half elf man began to cut the cake with a butterfly knife that seemed to appear out of nowhere, Nora and Krodor brought plates out from the kitchen and set them in front of everyone. Jalen stood there for a moment, uncertain if he should go back to his own table, but then he saw Bob and Lucy gesturing to an empty seat next to them and felt Rashiz give him a gentle push in the center of his back, the touch of her hand sending a spark racing up his spine, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up and then he was being handed a slice of cake by the half-elf while Bob and Lucy grinned at him excitedly. 

“It’s so nice to see you here, Professor!” Lucy’s dimples stood out with the force of how hard she was smiling. 

“Did Rashiz tell you about the surprise party, then?” Bob asked. Jalen shook his head.

“I found out when you all walked through the door.”

“Oh! You’re probably wondering who everyone is then.” Lucy began gesturing around the table, starting with the halfling man who had incredibly striking cheekbones. “That’s Trenton, and over there-” the gnomish man with curly blonde hair “-is Phineas. Then that’s Hon,” the lean half-orc man, his dark ponytail swinging over his shoulder as he turned his head at the sound of his name, giving Jalen a disarming smile. “And that’s Hana.” Lucy rounded off by gesturing to a human woman with short sandy blonde hair and a scar on her cheek. “We’re all dating Poppy, but only Bob and I are dating each other, for now.” 

“Everyone else is from Poppy’s old therapy group,” Bob added, nodding to where the lizardfolk and automaton were engaged in an arm wrestling match. “Although I don’t see-”

“Where’s Whore?” Poppy asked. Jalen choked on his bite of cake, coughing violently, the dwarven man on his right offering him his glass of water nonchalantly while Rashiz leaned forward.

“It could be that he had to stay to cover an extra shift at the hospital.” Poppy looked somewhat crestfallen. Jalen saw Hana put her hand in Poppy’s paw, squeezing it gently, and Poppy brightened up, smiling and waving her spare paw in the air dismissively.

“He’s always been too nice for his own good. I’ll be sure to call him tonight.” Poppy punctuated her point by taking an enormous bite of cake, wincing a moment later and rubbing her temples in an apparent brainfreeze. Jalen himself smiled, taking a bite of his own cake, his gaze fixed on one of frosted marijuana leaves, part of it dented from where his fork had passed through. He listened idly to snippets of conversations happening between other groups, content just to be present, though Bob and Lucy would occasionally chat with him. At one point Rashiz set a chai latte in front of him, the top foamy and dusted with cinnamon, and smiled down at him, her hand resting on the back of his chair, near enough that he could feel its warmth. 

“Having a good time?” Jalen nodded. He did feel a lot more relaxed than normal, his usual anxiety at meeting new people, or specifically his anxiety that he would embarrass himself in front of new people was subdued, almost absent, and he felt that his eyelids were drooping. He glanced at his empty plate, connecting the smeared melted ice cream and cake crumbs to the CBD oil Rashiz had mentioned earlier just as he heard both Lily and Annabelle giggling, the two of them lolling on the floor with dreamy smiles on their faces, mouths plastered with melted ice cream. “Oh no,” Rashiz said, she and Jalen both looking to where Evets was talking to Hector and Terrence, his eyes trained on his daughter and brow furrowed slightly. 

She made eye contact with Jalen and shrugged. “Hopefully he won’t notice?” Jalen glanced back at Evets, saw his eyes widen and mouth open as if to say something but then the bell over the door was ringing and a tiefling man with purple skin and a large and prominent burn scar over one side of his face walked in, Poppy launching up from the table to give him a flying midair hug.

“I’m so happy you could make it!” she exclaimed, literally, holding the man at arms’ length. Jalen turned his head to ask Rashiz if this was Whore but saw that her face was already closer than he’d thought, as if she was turning to tell him something at the same time. Her face was barely an inch from his. Jalen saw that her eyes had little flecks of amber in between the gold, and could see a faint reflection of himself in her pupils. He felt frozen in time, only snapping out of it when he noticed the hubbub around them had grown silent, a tension in the air. He turned from staring into Rashiz’s eyes to see the tiefling man gesturing to a male version of Poppy standing at the door dressed in a black hoodie, shoulders hunched and eyes fixed on the floor a few inches from where the real Poppy stood, looking as though she’d seen a ghost. She took a halting step forward, hand raising as if to touch him. 

“Barley?” The other catfolk finally looked up, seemingly in shock, and his face was overcome with an almost offended look of incredulity.

“Poppy, we have the same fucking face, do you really need to-” and then whatever he was going to say was cut off by Poppy crushing him in a hug, tears gushing from her eyes as she sobbed. Jalen looked back at Rashiz only to see she looked just as confused as he felt, but as he glanced around at the others around the table, Jalen got the sense that he was watching something of intense emotional significance, and felt almost as if he wasn’t privy to witness it. 

“Can’t believe Whore found him after all this time.” Jalen turned to look at the dwarven man next to him. He looked back, somber. “He got mixed up in a nasty gang back when they were kids. Poppy hasn’t seen him in five years.” 

“Oh.” He looked back to where Poppy was still clutching Barley, the latter giving her a hug, hesitant at first, then more assured as he buried his face in his sister’s shoulder. Jalen felt a pinpoint of heat on his shoulder, cooling almost instantly as he looked up to see tears streaming down Rashiz’s face, her hand covering her mouth as she cried, gazing to where Poppy was now sitting down, still holding Barley’s paw. Without thought, Jalen reached up to where Rashiz’s other hand was resting on the back of his chair, taking it in his own and giving it a squeeze. She blinked, droplets of her tears scattering into the air like minuscule diamonds. She gave a tremulous smile, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand as she looked at him, shaking her head.

“Sorry, I always get choked up at reunions.” She gave his hand a squeeze in return before going back to work, bustling from person to person and taking drink orders, giving Barley a friendly scratch on the head as she set what looked to be a simple black coffee down in front of him. Though he acted repulsed by Rashiz’s touch, Jalen noticed as she walked away that Barley was blushing. The rest of the party passed relatively peacefully, with small groups shearing off at different intervals until only Jalen and Rashiz were left, even Nora and Krodor having left. Nora had actually been picked up by Milnjov, blushing to the roots of her hair when he took her hand as he opened the door, the bell ringing with a soft voice behind them. 

By the time he and Rashiz had gotten home, Jalen’s eyes were drooping. Rashiz chuckled from the bathroom doorway as he brushed his teeth, swaying like grass in the wind with how insistently his body was clamoring for sleep, and he tried to look as stern as he could with toothpaste foam dribbling down his chin, saying,

“I’ll have you know that meeting that many people at once takes a lot out of introverts like me.”

“It wasn’t anything to do with finishing your thesis?” Rashiz asked, portioning a drop of toothpaste onto her own brush. 

“Oh, right.” Jalen felt that same strange sensation of weightlessness in his stomach again and couldn’t tell if it was pleasant or not. “I almost forgot that was today. Feels like years ago.”

“When are they gonna review it?” Rashiz’s voice was somewhat muffled from talking around her toothbrush.

“The board should let me know tomorrow, I imagine a little into winter break.”

“Around Yule?”

“Yeah, I think so. After finals.”

“And those start this week?” Rashiz was now brushing her fangs which Jalen had never actually considered her having to do, her jaw contorting to accommodate the movement. He snorted. She gave him a feather light smack on the arm, grinning while scrubbing away. 

“Mhm, I’m holding an extra long review session tomorrow in our usual room since it’s study day and they’ll all have the day off. I’d hold it at the cafe but I want each student to have equal opportunity, and the class is around 70 big.” Rashiz spat into the sink, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. There was a small dot of dried toothpaste just at the corner of her lips, the side of her mouth that always turned up when she was trying to hold in a smile.

“Well I’m sure if it’s anything like the review you had that I was there for, the kids are going to ace it.” Jalen couldn’t help but feel relieved by her words, the empty, slightly nauseous feeling of his anxiety melting away only to be replaced by an immense wave of tiredness. He nodded to Rashiz before dragging his way to the bedroom, managing to change into an overly large tshirt before collapsing on top of the covers and immediately falling asleep. 

🝰

She smiled at Jalen’s form where he lay draped on the bed like some kind of princess, picking him up gently with one arm and drawing the covers back with the other before laying him down. He’d forgotten to take his glasses off. Rashiz gingerly plucked them from his face, careful not to wake him, though he seemed almost dead to the world, the only sign to the otherwise being the slight rise and fall of his chest. She double checked that the blankets were in place between them before laying down herself, turning the light off and staring at the ceiling before realizing she didn’t feel tired at all. She groaned, tossing before she finally found a comfortable position, which put her face only a few inches from Jalen’s, who had apparently turned in his sleep as well, now facing towards her and she looked at him in the way she was so rarely able to do when he was awake, marvelling at every small part, every seemingly insignificant detail. 

Though his brown skin looked gray in her dark-vision, his hair remained that stark swath of white, shining like moonlight on snow. A lock of it had fallen over one eye and she reached for it on instinct, tucking it to the side with her fingertips while trying not to touch his skin, though of course she did, memorizing the feeling of him unbidden. Jalen didn’t react other than letting out a slightly deeper breath and curling in on himself slightly. Rashiz bit her lip, her hand retreating to clutch at the left side of her chest where her heart had surged with an unbearable fondness. She turned her head away after a long time, closed her eyes, and sank into sleep. 


	14. A Quickening and a Questioning

Waking up the next morning was like trying to swim back to consciousness through 15 feet of honey. Jalen felt wrapped in a cocoon of warm, golden light, and a very seductive thought kept whispering lovingly to just sleep, to give in to it. Jalen swayed there in that place for a long time before some small, needle-sharp recollection pierced his brain. The review session. Jalen’s eyes snapped open and he tried to sit up but something was holding him down, strong arms wrapping him an embrace far too powerful for him to break free. Rashiz frowned and let out a murmur in her sleep at his movements, turning her head and burying it in his neck. Her lips were pressed to his pulse point, and Jalen felt that was going to explode given the heat rising in his face, but his fear at missing the review session outweighed his embarrassment as he whispered gently,  
“Rashiz? I’ve got to get up.” She let out another murmur, and her arms tightened slightly around him, her legs, already hooked around his, drawing his lower half even closer to her. Jalen could feel her breath brushing over his clavicle and shivered. “Rashiz.” Though he’d raised his voice, embarrassment ever-mounting, Rashiz slept on, and Jalen distantly wondered how the barrier had fallen again, remembering the sight of blankets lined up once more to prevent something like this from happening. As Jalen looked at Rashiz it seemed to him that his voice had only served to make her slumber deeper given that she was now snoring, her mouth ajar and eyes firmly shut. He moved his hand up in between them, resting his palm against her cheek. She smiled in her sleep and Jalen felt a surge of longing to lean down and kiss her awake before shaking it off and patting her gently, his voice insistent. “Rashiz I have to get up now.” Her eyes cracked open, a bare hint of gold before they went wide and she sat bolt upright.   
“It happened again? Jalen, I’m-”  
“It’s alright, it’s alright.” Jalen was already vaulting out of bed and snagging his clothes before rushing to the bathroom, glancing at the clock in the hall as he went. He swore under his breath. “I have to be at the review session in ten minutes!” he called over his shoulder before changing his clothes in a whirlwind, proceeding to scramble down the hall and throw his coat on while giving Rashiz a quick apologetic wave where she stood leaning against the bedroom door frame, eyes still blurry from sleep, her hair a snarled mess and shirt slipping off one shoulder. “I’ll see you when I get home tonight!” With that he snatched up his satchel and rushed out the door, practically sprinting to get to university.   
He managed to get there in time, the students already in the lecture hall looking at him in curiosity as he panted, trying to catch his breath and giving a shaky thumbs up to the ones that seemed more concerned. Jalen caught his breath as the rest of the students filed in, only realizing as he smiled at them and opened up his laptop to start projecting on the board that he’d completely forgotten a lunch, and let out an internal groan at the thought of how hungry and tired he was bound to get. He hadn’t had any coffee either. Shit. Jalen masked his mild panic at the prospect of another caffeine headache very well, continuing the review session without a hitch up until about an hour in, when he could feel himself flagging just slightly, his features becoming the tiniest bit strained. He had his back turned to the class at one point, elaborating a point on the whiteboard.   
“And so why do we care about the preservation site at Morrowhill?” he asked, turning towards the class only to see that their faces were all turned towards the back of the room. He glanced up.  
“Hi,” Rashiz said, giving him a small wave. She began descending towards the front, nodding to some of the students and whispering a litany of apologies as she went. Jalen could only stand dumbfounded as she made her way to the front of the room, stopping just in front of the desk and putting down a to-go coffee cup in addition to a large paper bag. “I’m sorry I made you miss breakfast,” she apologized. Jalen could see some of his students in the front row widen their eyes, turning to the people behind them and whispering.  
“That’s-that’s fine, Rashiz. Thank you.” Jalen felt an increasing desperation to get her out of his students’ sight as he watched the game of telephone play out all the way to the back row, but Rashiz continued.  
“And I wanted to just drop it off at your office so you could get it but then your door was locked and Horace wasn’t there and I didn’t want to just leave it in the hallway, you know? Like what if somebody just took it, and anyway I knew you’d need coffee soon or you’d get a headache but also I had to cook lunch so that took a while and-”  
“Rashiz, I’m really sorry but we have to get back to review.”  
“Oh, okay,” Rashiz answered cheerfully, to Jalen’s knowledge completely unaware of his students' ever-increasing grins and looks of incredulity as they glanced between themselves and the two of them, whispers growing in force. Jalen wanted the ground to swallow him. “I’ll see you when you get home tonight.” Jalen smiled at her, pained, and she shot him a concerned look, giving the coffee mug a tap. “You look like you’re getting a headache already, better drink that now.” Jalen nodded but she didn’t move.   
“What?”  
“Now.”  
“Rashiz, please, I understand-”  
“I’m not leaving till you do.” She crossed her arms, both eyebrows raised expectantly. Jalen took a sip quickly, to which she looked dissatisfied, but it seemed to be enough as she turned on her heel and walked back up to the exit, the class’s eyes following her as she did. She gave Jalen a last wave as she reached the top. “Sorry for interrupting! Good luck everybody!” The class turned back to Jalen as a single force the moment she was out the door, faces plastered in delight.   
“Alright, alright everyone, sorry about that. Now-” Jalen was making a valiant effort to put things back on track. “-back to Morrowhill. Now who can-yes Vila?” Jalen called on the kobold sophomore who had her hand raised.  
“Why didn’t you tell us you had a wife, professor?”  
“I-”  
“She’s really pretty!” Chimed in Oneni, a goliath junior. A chorus of agreement from the rest of the class rang out at their comment.  
“Isn’t she that nice lady that works up at the coffee shop?” asked Ruakkil, a biracial human and aarakocra senior who had the head of a bearded vulture.   
“That she is my friend, that she is,” came a familiar voice, and Jalen looked in horror to see Poppy smiling down at him from the back row, leaning out from behind Ruakkil’s massive frame, her face as smug as if she’d just eaten a canary.   
“Class.” Jalen’s voice rang out clear through the hall, and the sternness of his tone actually caused a visible ripple as students sat up straighter. “I again wish to apologize for the interruption, but she is my roommate, not my wife, and if you cannot refrain from asking personal questions in this review session, then I will be forced to end it early, is that clear?” Nods. “Very good. So who can tell me the significance of Morrowhill?”


	15. A Mistake and a Mortification

Jalen must have managed to recover his students somewhat from the interruption that day, as they all managed not only to pass, but excel on the final, which was by no means easy. Rashiz beamed over Jalen’s shoulder as he finished grading them at home. She picked up the topmost one as he leaned back in his chair, her eyes scanning the page quickly before flipping to the back for the final essay, her eyebrows shooting up as she continued to read.

“Were they all this good?” she asked.

“Most,” Jalen admitted proudly, stretching his arms over his head and letting out an involuntary groan as his spine cracked. Rashiz winced.

“Are you okay? That sounded like it hurt.”

“My back always gets stiff after grading, I’ve got a bad habit of hunching over my papers.” He gestured towards his glasses. “Bad eyesight and all.”

“Do you want me to take care of it?” Rashiz asked. 

“How do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t want to brag but-” Rashiz locked her fingers and flexed outwards, the muscles in her arms tensing, and Jalen swallowed hard. “-I’ve been told I have magic hands.” She wiggled them at him and looked expectant. This was a horrible idea. But his back really did hurt....

“Alright.” Her face practically glowed with her smile, and she clapped her hands together before leaning forward, more serious.   


“How far down does it hurt? Is it mostly in your shoulders or…?”

“Kind of the whole thing, really.” Jalen couldn’t help but be honest. Rashiz nodded sagely, her index finger tapping against her lips.

“You’re definitely going to need to lie down then. And to do a good job I would need-well, would you-” She glanced away. “Would you be comfortable with taking your shirt off?” 

“I-yeah, I mean as long as-” Her eyes met his. “As long it won’t make you-” She was already shaking her head in reassurance.

“Totally fine!” 

“Okay, that’s-that’s good.” The quiet lay heavy for a moment but then Rashiz was gesturing towards the bedroom door.

“I think it’ll be easiest in there, if that’s alright?”

Jalen nodded, standing in a clouded haze and following her in, feeling almost like he was in a dream. Rashiz rummaged in the drawer of the bedside table, pulling out a small bottle of lotion with a triumphant, “Ah-hah!”. She turned back to him and plucked lightly at the collar of her shirt. “Would you...?”

“Yes-of course.” Jalen reached up, his gaze carefully focused on the wooden floorboards below his feet, concentrating on keeping his hands steady as he began unbuttoning his shirt, the linen dry and somewhat starchy under his fingertips. He repeated, ‘This is what you agreed to, this is what you agreed to’ in his head like a mantra as he finished removing his shirt, gently tossing it in the hamper, arms crossing over his chest in some weird imitation of modesty before gesturing at the bed with one hand. “Should I lie down?” Rashiz nodded.

“On your stomach, please.” Jalen nodded in return, stiffly, he knew, but he didn’t think that could be helped, and did so, his head tilting to one side, the pattern of the seam on the top quilt pressing into his cheek as he stared at the wall. He heard the pop of the bottle’s cap as Rashiz opened it, her voice somewhat subdued, calming as she spoke to him. “I’m going to warm it up so it won’t be so cold, but judging by how stiff I think you’re going to be, it might hurt a little on some of the knots. I’ll try to be gentle, okay?” Jalen made a soft sound of acknowledgement and then her hands were on him and his world narrowed to those points of contact, like touching a finger to those tiny plasma spheres, an arc of miniature lightning racing up to meet it, buzzing against the inside of the glass

Her thumbs pressed just barely into the base of his neck, testing his muscles. Jalen had to bite back a gasp at the sensation, shutting his eyes as she began to press them in deeper, looking for knots.

“Oh, Jalen,” she murmured. He glanced over his shoulder to see her face, pensive and eyes fixed on her work. “You’re all tight.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You really don’t have to apologize to me, remember?” He hummed quietly, somewhat muffled by the covers as she continued her ministrations, thumbs rolling over his skin, each indentation tingling as she moved along, her thumbs now pressing into his shoulder blades. At one particular spot Jalen felt a pop, along with a small lance of pain and began to cry out involuntarily only to have it turn into a whimper as an immediate sense of relief hit him, his body going lax. Rashiz had paused for a moment, her hands retreating and Jalen felt a kind of desperation for her to touch him again. He whispered without thought for how it would sound.

“Please don’t stop.” Rashiz was silent, hesitating, but Jalen felt her hands on him once more and sank into that state of ecstasy as she continued rolling out each knot and ache one by one. He felt like he was floating. He tried his best to keep quiet as she worked but she would always manage to find some hidden spot of tension, Jalen’s corresponding cries of shock turning into quiet groans as she dug in, slowing down at the end to soothe the now loose muscle. Jalen couldn’t tell how much time had passed, only that his mind was drifting in a sort of blissful daze when Rashiz’s hands drew away from where they had finished worrying at the muscles of his lower back. She had spent a long time on that area specifically, working out knots Jalen didn’t even know he had. 

“You know, my mom always told me that the lower the tension, the longer that person’s been carrying their stress,” she said thoughtfully. A single finger pressed down, soothing as it rubbed in small circles radiating outward from the center of his back in a spiral until she stopped at the base of his neck, hand spreading out against it. “You, my friend, have been carrying your’s a long time.” Her hand gave a small squeeze and Jalen heard her straighten up. “I’m going to get you some water. Don’t try to get up while I’m gone, you’re going to be really woozy, okay?” Jalen barely had the energy to hum before she left, returning with a glass. She didn’t give it to him, simply sitting up on the other side of the bed and cracking open one of the books she had grabbed off the shelf earlier that week. 

“Rashiz?” Jalen managed to mumble, his words slurred and barely coherent.

“Shhh, just rest for now. You’re going to need at least fifteen minutes before I want you moving, recovery from a massage is a serious thing.” 

They lay in companionable silence, time once again going runny for Jalen, before Rashiz shut her book, a puff of that old, dusty smell released into the air. She walked to the side of his bed, looking him in the eye. 

“Can I get up now?” he asked, clearly this time. She smiled.

“Sure thing, slowly though.” Jalen started shifting on the bedspread, a wave of dizziness hitting him as he began sitting up. Rashiz had been serious. The wave passed quickly enough, though not so fast that Rashiz didn’t notice, her hand at his elbow to steady him, her brow low in a frown. 

“I’m fine.” She made a non-commital noise. She was still frowning too. “Look, I’m really alright.” Jalen made to stand up and immediately felt weak in the knees, falling forward just as Rashiz was rising to catch him, the back of his head resting against her inner shoulder. She smirked.

“Where to?” she asked smugly. Jalen shot her a dirty look.

“Bathroom,” he grumbled. She patiently carried him there, setting him down on the toilet seat lid, now closed. Jalen had gotten into the habit of shutting it once he realized Rashiz probably wouldn’t appreciate crashing into the bowl every time she had to use the bathroom. He reached up to snag his toothbrush, brushing quietly while Rashiz sat on the edge of the bathtub, looking off somewhere that he couldn’t see, her gaze distant. Jalen watched her until he was finished, and still she looked forward.

“Everything alright?” he asked. She gave a start, meeting his eyes before smiling with chagrin, rubbing the back of her neck. 

“Oh, I was just thinking…what do you want for Yule?”

“Yule?” Jalen blinked a few times. “Well, I-I don’t really know if I’m honest,” he said sheepishly. Rashiz groaned, throwing her head back. 

“Jaleeeen, you’re making this so hard.” He smiled, but knew that her question hadn’t been completely honest, that her mind had been somewhere else. 

“Well, while I think it over, why don’t you tell me what you want?”

“I-oh, well, I mean,” she stammered. “I don’t really know either.” 

“Rashiiiiiz.”

“Alright, alright. Let’s sleep on it, okay?”

“Agreed.” She came over, picking him up before he could even protest. After depositing him on the bed, she handed him his water, which he obediently drank. She turned off the light, but instead of coming to bed like he expected, walked back out towards the hallway.

“Rashiz?”

“I’m just going to take a quick shower, you can go to sleep.”

“Okay, um-goodnight, then.”

“Night.”

Jalen lay down, head swirling with thoughts, but the massage’s effects were still in place, and sleep drew him under before he could come to any conclusions.

🝰

Rashiz gasped as her fingers circled her clit, the sounds Jalen had made reverberating in her head like an echo chamber while shower spray fell on her skin. She’d been an idiot. From the moment he had reached up to unbutton his shirt she had felt that same pulse of desire run through her that she had felt so many times before, multiplied ten-fold as he had lain on the bed, so good and obedient, the plane of his back spreading out in front of her, and she had got to touch and touch and keep touching, and she had never wanted to stop. Rashiz bit the back of her fist as a groan was wrenched out of her, her fingers striking at a new angle. 

She heard his cry again, heard the desperation in his voice when he’d asked her not to stop. Gods. Inexorably, the memory changed from him lying on his stomach to lying on his back as she imagined him begging again, different now, but still so close to reality. Touching yet not touching, having yet not having. She was going mad. It was so easy to see him the way she wanted him, the scene playing out on the inside of her eyelids as she pressed an arm to the wall, her knees shaking as he panted and pleaded and shone for her. There were tears glistening like quicksilver at the corners of his eyes and she kissed them away, moving her mouth to his ear and whispering praise. He keened. She drew back, pride etched in every feature as she gazed at him, trembling and heaving. Her hand reached out to cradle his cheek, thumb running along his cheekbone as her fingers brushed through his feather-soft hair and he smiled at her.

She came with a shudder, sinking to the floor, all while the now cooling water fell over her like rain. Rashiz stared blankly at the tile of the wall for a few moments before the crashing realization of what she had done hit her, her hand clapping over her mouth while tears sprang to her eyes, quickly washed away by the spray. She had promised herself she would never think of him while-that it would be easier to pretend, that it wouldn’t show if she didn’t. Shakingly, Rashiz managed to turn off the shower. Her tears were hot against her face, her body shivering from the cold and from the gaping pit in her heart where the fact that he didn’t love her roosted like something alive, gouging and scraping the inside of her ribcage with its talons every time she remembered. 

How desperate was he, she wondered, that he asked her to help him? He knew how she felt, and still he treated her like a friend, still let her do things like this, and she had betrayed that trust. He deserved better than her. How long before his kindness ran out? Before he realized what she really was? Rashiz dried off and got dressed, wandering into the bedroom where he slept, face soft and open, still shirtless, curled just slightly on his side, one of his hands reaching towards the barrier of blankets that she had replaced yet again today. Every morning since the first had been the same, well besides for Jalen’s...Rashiz flushed. Every morning. Feeling him pressed against her like the most natural thing in the world, like he belonged there, was almost more than she could bear. 

She knew she was being selfish, staying. She could have found another job near a shelter, saved up enough to start renting somewhere new. Evets and Bernadette would have let her stay there for free if she’d asked, probably wouldn’t even ask her to help with the chores, but it seemed like Jalen didn’t mind her being around. She couldn’t understand how someone could be as kind and open as he was, especially after everything he had been through. Rashiz sat at the edge of her side- _ her side _ -of the bed and thought about the eventual fallout. She knew she couldn’t keep this up, not with what she had felt tonight, not with how much more she’d fallen even when she thought it couldn’t get any worse. The fact that the thought of him smiling was what had brought her to the brink. She felt a touch at her back.

She looked over her shoulder to see Jalen, still asleep, moving the blankets out of the way and rolling over so that his back was pressed against the base of her spine, letting out a sigh as he settled in. So that’s what happened to the blankets each night. Except Rashiz remembered there were mornings where she woke up to find them flung off towards her side rather than his. Was she doing the same? Rashiz frowned in thought but sleep was settling across her shoulders like a shroud thanks to the warmth of Jalen’s body against her, and she knew there was no use thinking about it now. She gently lifted him to his own side of the bed before slipping under the covers. He immediately turned around, flinging his leg and arm over her and laying his head on her shoulder. Rashiz froze. She tried gently prying him off of her, but he frowned as he slept, letting out a small grumble and clutching at her. The moment she let go he relaxed, nestling in once again until he was comfortable. 

Rashiz lay there, uncertain, her hand hovering over his back before laying it down only to have Jalen sigh, his breath brushing across her skin all while letting out a small smile. Her mind cleared, just for a moment. No matter what, it seemed that at the very least Jalen appreciated a warm body next to him here in the dark, and gods knew she could be that for him. Rashiz closed her eyes and fell asleep for the first time to the feeling of Jalen in her arms. 


	16. A Dissertation and a Demise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for hiatus y'all, we're back baybee

Jalen was on the verge of a mental breakdown as he stood outside the room where his superiors were discussing whether or not to accept his thesis, his stomach churning while he bit his nails in anxiety, though they were already almost whittled down to nothing. He wished Rashiz was here. She would ground him, just a word, a touch, just her being here would have helped, he knew it, but protocol mandated that he address the board alone, no one else was even allowed in the hallway with him after his dissertation. He’d been fine on the ride over, Rashiz’s chatter leaving no room for his thoughts to take hold. Now his only company was the ringing silence. The door behind him opened, and he was called in, walking in a trance in front of the board. He saw their faces, heard the verdict, nodded, and found himself walking out of the room, one foot in front of the other down the tiled hall, descending the staircase, wandering outside to see Rashiz waiting at the car, leaning against it and looking almost as nervous as he had just been, chewing absentmindedly at the nail of her thumb. She looked up at the sound of his footsteps, lurching up and rushing over to him.

“Well? Did it go okay?” she asked, searching his face anxiously. Reality finally seemed to snap back in place and Jalen blinked a few times before shakily nodding, almost unable to believe his next words.

“They approved it. I earned my doctorate.” Time seemed frozen in place for a moment and then Rashiz was spinning him around in a circle while shouting her congratulations and Jalen was laughing, half with delight and half hysterical, the last of his anxiety fading as his arms tightened around her shoulders, the fur of her coat’s hood tickling his nose. She set him down at last, crouching so that their faces were near level.

“I _knew_ you were going to get it, I just knew it,” she exclaimed, her hands balled into fists and shaking them for emphasis. Jalen just smiled at her, too overwhelmed to say anything else. Rashiz straightened up to her full height, her index finger pointing towards the crystal blue sky above them as she proclaimed, her breath fogging around her in a cloud,

“This calls for a celebration.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he began apologetically. “I’m pretty worn out, I-I don’t think I’m up for a big day out or anything.” She beamed at him.

“I know. That’s why I called that Vietnamese place you mentioned last week while you were inside. Your favorite, right? I thought we could pick up the takeout and go home and watch something you don’t have to think too much about, Mr.Dr.Man. I’m sure your brain’s gotta be fried right about now.”

“I-yeah, that sounds wonderful. Thank you.” Jalen hadn’t even remembered mentioning his favorite restaurant, but evidently he had, because Rashiz was smiling even more brightly, opening the passenger side door for him like he was royalty before slipping in on the other side. Later, when they were both sitting with their legs up on the couch, _The Great Berdusk Bake-Off_ enfolding on the TV, Jalen turned to Rashiz.

“You know, this is exactly what I wanted for Yule.” Rashiz smiled at him, nudging his leg slightly with her foot.

“This isn’t a gift, you earned this.”

“I suppose. But-” She cocked her head. “-What do _you_ want for Yule? It’s only in a couple days and I-well, I’d feel bad getting what I want if you didn’t.”

“What I want?” Rashiz was quiet, putting her bowl down on the coffee table as she thought. She looked stricken for a brief moment, her eyebrows bunching together, hands wringing while tears pooled in her eyes. 

“Rashiz?”

“Sorry, it’s just-would you come with me to see my dad?”

“Of course I will.”

“But, I stay there all day, and-I don’t want you to have to, I mean-shouldn’t be so selfish...” Her voice was breaking. Tears leaked from her eyes, streaking down her face and falling onto her hands. 

“You are the furthest thing from selfish I have ever met.” Jalen reached forward and put his hand over hers, the hot-cold splash of a tear hitting it moments later. “I’ll come with you.” She looked up at him, sniffling, and Jalen smiled. “And I’m not counting this as your Yule present. It’s the least I can do, and for that matter I don’t mind. While we’re still on break, I can come with you as many times as you want.” 

Rashiz fully burst into sobs. Jalen could only run his thumb over her knuckles soothingly until she finally looked up, snot running from her nose and eyes red and bloodshot, to give him a tremulous smile. Jalen thought she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

🝰 

The world whipping by outside was muffled and hushed, a blanket of sparkling white snow covering the world and making its edges softer, but the silence in the car rang louder. Rashiz held a tea-green knuckled grip on the wheel, her face impassive. Jalen had made light conversation when they’d first set off, but it had trailed away after Rashiz had only been able to give him a tight smile, her mind off on the road ahead it seemed. He didn’t take it personally. When they’d pulled into the hospital parking lot and parked, Rashiz turned off the car and they sat for a long moment, the silence almost deafening at this point, her eyes still stuck in a thousand yard stare. Jalen reached over very slowly to place his hand on her upper arm, the warmth of her seeping through her coat into his palm. She glanced up at him as if she had forgotten he was there. He smiled, turning up his brows in an unspoken question. 

“Yeah, I’m alright,” she answered. “I-I’m really happy you’re here, but…are you sure you don’t want to…?”

“I’m right where I want to be.” Rashiz let out a chuckle that choked off as her hand reached across to squeeze his. They sat a while longer while she breathed deeply, centering herself before turning to face him with a smile. It still didn’t reach her eyes. 

“Okay,” the two of them walked towards the front entrance, their footsteps squeaking on the newly fallen snow, breath billowing around them like that of dragons, and then they were stepping into the hospital’s lobby, the warmth of the building swaddling them and making Jalen’s ears sting in the sudden heat. The air smelled faintly of disinfectant. The receptionist, an elderly halfling, smiled at Rashiz warmly, looking at Jalen with thinly veiled curiosity.

“Good morning, dear,” she greeted in a quavery voice, pushing up her half moon spectacles with a withered finger, the gold chain that ran from them clinking against her baubled earrings. “And happy Yule.”

“Thank you, Theodora.” Rashiz responded, smiling. “Are we okay to go up and see my dad?”

“Well yes, as long as,” Theodora leveled her gaze on Jalen. “You’re both family, hospital policy.” Jalen opened his mouth to answer, but Rashiz was one step ahead of him. 

“He is.”

“Well then, you can head right on up.” Rashiz nodded, making her way towards the elevator. Jalen started after her, but stopped as he felt a tug on the elbow of his jacket. He looked up to see Theodora smiling at him, a twinkle in her eye. She leaned forward and whispered,

“I know. But we’d do anything for her now wouldn’t we?” 

“Jalen?” Rashiz called softly. He glanced at her, somehow afraid that she had heard, but she only looked bemused, looking between him and Theodora.

“Go on now, dear.” She reached her gnarled hand up to pat his cheek, the skin of her palm papery dry and warm. She released him with a nod, and Jalen quickly headed over to where Rashiz waited, the light from the elevator button glowing like a small halo around where it was set in the wall. She shook her head as he approached. 

“Sorry, I should have warned you, she’s got that friendly grandma persona she likes to pull on people when they meet her. She used to be a cardshark down in Cravenport.” Jalen looked sharply back to where Theodora was still watching the two of them, a content smile on her face. The phone rang at her desk and she turned to answer it, though not before giving Jalen a wink and a hint of a smile that seemed sharp as a blade. He felt a chill run up his spine as he and Rashiz entered the elevator together, the doors shutting slowly behind them, the small lurch in the pit of Jalen’s stomach and the ever-slight wobble of his feet the only indication that they were moving. He gave a Rashiz a quick glance out of the corner of his eye. Her face had closed off again, her eyes far away on something he couldn’t see. A small ding, and the elevator doors opened, a small but lovely Yule tree festooned with candles placed in the main entryway, another receptionist, a dusky blue firbolg with shaggy black hair covering their eyes, a gold ring in their nose, was sitting behind a nearby desk. Jalen saw a placard on the wall that read ‘ _Assisted Living_ ’.

“Hey, Rashiz,” the Firbolg said in a rumbling voice, speaking slowly. 

“Hiya Aisling. Are you off the maternity ward today? Where’s Carlos?”

“Family surprised him for Yule, I came in.”

“I’m sorry-” Rashiz started, but Aisling was already shaking their head. 

“The desk job is a lot more restful than delivering babies.” Jalen let out a small chuckle at that, and Aisling turned their head to face him, moving their hair out of their eyes, enormous and dark and framed by the longest eyelashes Jalen had ever seen, to get a better look at him. A very slow smile crossed their face. A small squeak of their chair was the only warning Jalen got before Aisling stood to their full height, and Jalen almost took a step back, their frame throwing a dark cast over him as their head and shoulders blocked the light overhead. Jalen had thought Rashiz was tall, but this was obscene. They held out a massive hand to him. Jalen was proud of himself for only hesitating a moment before taking it only to find himself being pulled over the desk and into a hug, which was a far-cry from the handshake he’d been expecting. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” they rumbled. Jalen felt their voice reverberating through him, and he looked frantically at Rashiz for help. She was smiling, seemingly unconcerned, and Jalen felt some of the tension leaving his body at the realization that the smile on her face was genuine. Aisling hugged him for what felt about thirty seconds longer than what would be considered normal before handing him off to Rashiz, who took him with a laugh. He scowled at her from where she held him suspended from both armpits, but his heart swelled as she threw her head back and laughed harder.

“Would you kindly let me down?” He felt his feet touch the floor and adjusted his jacket, clearing his throat and sounding just on the edge of stuffiness. He turned to Aisling and gave them a small nod, as polite as he could. “It was lovely to meet you as well.” 

“See you later,” Rashiz managed to get out through her residual chuckling. They made their way down the hall, their heels sounding out sharply against the linoleum, the lights overhead gleaming on the waxed surface. Jalen waited a moment before whispering,

“You knew that was going to happen.”

“Not to that extent, and I had no idea Aisling was going to be here today, but, yeah, they’re like that.” Jalen looked up to see her grinning down at him. “Good hugger thought, huh?”

“Yeah, actually.” Jalen realized he felt far more relaxed than before, and not just on the account that Rashiz seemed in better spirits.

“You should see them on the maternity ward, it’s _insane_. I once watched them pick up a baby that’d been crying for twenty minutes straight. Immediately fell asleep.”

“You’re joking,” he said just as the sound of someone singing echoed from down the hall. It got louder as they grew closer, and Jalen glanced in through the doorway of what looked to be a common area, where a woman with red hair sat at a piano, an audience of elders sitting in front of her, each head boasting a crown of liver-spots or wispy white hair, fine as down. Many of them were in wheelchairs, some seemed unresponsive, the latter of which were seated next to aids. Jalen looked to Rashiz to see if her father was among them, but she shook her head, a wry smile on her face, and he followed her down the hall once more, Rashiz waiting to speak until it seemed as though they were well away from disturbing the concert. 

“He’d normally go there, he loves music, but since he fell he’s needed to be hooked up to some special equipment in his room. Krysilla might come and play for him later.”

“She comes every year?”

“Yeah, she’s great. She comes on other days besides, but always on Yule, really livens the place up. She does it for free too. Oh, hold on.” Jalen glanced away from her face to see a closed door in front of them. 

“Is this…?” he began to ask when she didn’t say anything else.

“Yeah,” Rashiz murmured quietly. Her face wasn’t quite as drawn as it had been earlier, but she still looked smaller than Jalen was used to. She turned to him “Hey, listen, I don’t...I don’t know what kind of day it’s going to be. Sometimes he just sleeps, but I mean, he might-I just don’t know what he’ll be like.”

Her voice was growing increasingly tremulous and Jalen saw the tears she was trying to hold back. He reached forward to place his hand on her upper arm, assuming as kind an expression as he knew. “No matter what, I don’t want you worrying about how _I_ feel. I’m here for you.” 

“Okay,” she said, and the start of a shaky smile broke over her face. “Okay.”

“Whenever you’re ready.” 

Rashiz took a deep breath, resting her hand on the handle and shooting him another grateful smile before turning it and revealing the room beyond. There were two beds, the one nearest the door empty and the sheets made. It seemed like it was unoccupied. The other bed, the one placed next to the window contained a sleeping form, chest rising and falling slightly while a heart rate monitor beeped out of synch nearby. Jalen knew Rashiz was adopted but for some reason he still expected her to look something like her parents, imagining that they were probably both tall until Rashiz had said in passing that her mom had been fairly short. Jalen’s imagination had then shifted that height to her father alone, but the man asleep on the bed in front of them was a far cry from what he’d envisioned. Though it was hard to tell due to the blankets, the man had to be 5’6” at the highest, a full foot shorter than his daughter. But even in sleep, Jalen saw that his face was home to deep-set smile lines that reminded him of the creases that formed next to Rashiz’s eyes so frequently. 

He looked at her to see what to do, and Rashiz leaned forward to whisper,

“I like to let him sleep, he needs the rest. I’m sorry, I should have told you to bring a book-there’s some on the library shelf in the common room if you want one.” Her voice was hushed to the point where her face almost touched him from how close she was standing. Her breath tickled against the shell of his ear. She pulled back to see what he wanted. Jalen shot a glance at her father and felt his stomach lurch slightly as he beckoned her to bend down again. She had to pull her hair back so it wouldn’t hit him as he leaned in close. He could smell her shampoo. 

“I don’t mind, I’ll stay here.”

She pulled back, smiling. She gestured towards the window where Jalen saw a small armchair. He headed across to it, trying to make his footfall as quiet as possible as he watched Rashiz sink into a smaller chair placed near the head of the bed, her gaze locked on her father. It stalled Jalen’s breath to see the utter love and devotion in her eyes. The only sound in the room was the beep of the heart-rate monitor and the occasional snatches of song from the concert down the hall. It started to snow outside. After about twenty minutes, the door to the room opened gently, and Jalen looked up to see the same tiefling with the scarred face that had been at Poppy’s birthday party entering the room, pushing a small cart in front of him. Jalen thought he caught a glimmer of recognition in the other man’s gaze, and nodded to him politely, which the man returned in kind. Rashiz stood to greet him, giving him a quick hug before nodding to the cart.

“What’s on the menu today?” she asked in a hushed voice. 

“The catering company got brought in today, so it’s a bit nicer than normal.” The man pulled out a covered plate and a packet of plastic silverware, handing it to Rashiz, who had already begun reaching for it, apparently used to this routine. “Smelled like lamb, I think.”

“Oh good, he’ll love that.” Rashiz looked at Jalen, gesturing for him to come over. “I’d like you to meet my friend Jalen. You guys never were properly introduced at the party.” The other man held out his hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” the man said as they shook. Jalen gave him a nod, remembering his name.

“Nice to meet you too, Whore.” The man froze, his grip tightening slightly on Jalen’s hand just as Rashiz’s eyes went wide and Jalen realized that the name Poppy had called him definitely wasn’t his real one. Jalen felt the pit of his stomach drop and his chest tighten.

“I-I am so sorry, I-I-I di-didn’t think-,” he stammered before the man shook his head, releasing his hand and holding his own up placatingly.

“That’s alright, you wouldn’t have known. My name’s Harexius. Only Poppy and the others call me...that.”

“Still, I am-I’m so-” Harexius gave him another small shake of his head, reassuring. 

“It’s okay, really, just surprised me is all.” He put his hands back up on the cart, giving a nod to Rashiz. “You let me know if he needs anything, I’ll come back round in a bit.”

The door shut softly behind him with a small click, and Jalen turned to Rashiz, still shaky.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more embarrassed in my life,” he murmured weakly. Rashiz gave him a comforting smile. 

“Hey, look, you really couldn’t have known, and I mean I didn’t even think to tell you. Plus, Harexius isn’t the kind of person who gets mad over something like that, he could tell you were just being friendly.”

“Why do they call him that anyway, what kind of a nickname is-” a soft sound came from the bed nearby and Jalen cut himself off. Bleary brown eyes looked into his, silvery brows contracted in a slight frown. Jalen saw Rashiz move towards the bed, sitting in the chair by its head and smiling kindly at her father, whose face seemed to relax somewhat. 

“Hello,” she said in a soft voice. “My name’s Rashiz. I’ll be taking care of you today. Are you hungry?”

In lieu of saying anything, Rashiz’s father simply nodded, to which she turned the nearby tray attached to the hospital bed so that it rested just in front of him, placing the container on it along with the silverware. Rashiz opened it for him with a puff of steam, the air that wafted out smelling of lamb, potatoes, and applesauce. As she set the silverware out, she said,

“You let me know if you need any assistance sir, I’m just going to go and get some music on for you.” 

As she stood and walked past Jalen with a small, soft smile, his gaze shifted and he realized that her father was staring directly at him. Jalen heard the sound of Rashiz meddling with something behind him, but still her father’s eyes were locked on him, narrowed slightly. 

“Ehm-” he began.

“What’s your name, then?” her father asked, his voice startlingly familiar from the accent alone.

“Jalen.”

“Why are you here?” 

“I, well-”

“He’s a potential hire, sir. Wants to see what the job entails,” Rashiz answered from behind. Jalen turned quickly to glance at her. Her demeanor was completely calm, and she gave him an almost imperceptible nod. He returned his gaze once more to see her father’s brow soften, his shoulders losing the line of tension they’d been holding, reaching now for the silverware Rashiz had set out. As he did, Jalen’s eyes were drawn inexorably to his hands. His heart gave a twinge to see them.

The fingers were knobbly, beyond that of simple age, with waxy white scars showing where they had been damaged in the accident. His fingers twitched as he attempted to pick up his fork, the plastic clattering lightly against the tray and Jalen watched as his brows contracted once more in frustration. He could still hear Rashiz fiddling with the CD player behind him. He walked up to the bed.

“Would you like any help with that?” 

Rashiz’s father eyed him shrewdly before slumping back on his pillows with an air of a man defeated. Jalen reached forward gently, picking up the fork. He portioned a dollop of minced lamb onto it, extending it out. Rashiz’s father opened his mouth without making eye contact, closing it around the fork once Jalen had moved it forward before letting out a satisfied hum, looking down at the meal in front of him.

“S’good,” he murmured. Jalen smiled.

“Would you like to try the potatoes next?” 

Jalen continued to feed Rashiz’s father for a while before realizing with a start that he wasn’t sure how she’d feel about it, shooting a glance her way only to see her hands clutching either side of the table that housed the CD player. From the bed, her father could only see her back but from Jalen’s vantage point he could see the tears slowly rolling down her face. Jalen almost called out to her before he realized that she was smiling. 

“Hey, quit ogling your girlfriend and feed me, _παιδί_.”

Jalen whipped his head back to see Rashiz’s father grinning at him, his dark brown eyes twinkling with amusement. Jalen opened his mouth to argue which Rashiz’s father countered by opening his own mouth wide and pointing to it. 

“Empty, see?”

Jalen couldn’t help but snort, shaking his head and doling up more of the meal, deciding it wasn’t worth it. After a few more moments, the sounds of a piano began to play quietly from where Rashiz stood, her father looking up and smiling. 

“My wife and I used to dance to this.”

“Really?” asked Rashiz, turning around. She’d somehow managed to make it look as if she had never cried at all. “I’m glad I picked it, then.”

“I remember…” her father began, looking somewhere far off. “It was always in the kitchen, at night. I remember...” 

He blinked for a moment, brows drawing together for a moment. He looked around the room, then back to Rashiz. 

“Where is she?”

“She’s so sorry she can’t come in today, but she says she’ll be able to stop by tomorrow. She sends her love,” Rashiz responded calmly. Jalen had the unerring sense that she’d answered this question many times. Her father nodded, though his face was lined with disappointment. He turned to Jalen. 

“Alright, back to it, _υιός,_ ” he said with a wry smile.

Jalen returned to his task diligently, the piano gently accompanying. When the plate had been scraped clean, Rashiz’s father leaned back, letting out a contented sigh, glancing between the two of them before raising his eyebrows.

“Well, go on.”

“Pardon?” Rashiz asked.

“The two of you can go. Shoo.”

“But-”

“No buts. It’s a beautiful day outside.” Jalen glanced out to see the snow had stopped, the sun just beginning to peek through the breaking clouds, throwing kaleidoscopic fragments in miniature where the light struck the fresh fall. He looked back at Rashiz, who looked lost. It seemed as though this wasn’t a usual part of her father’s routine.

“Hello?” came a mellow voice from the hall. Rashiz turned to smile at the red-haired woman, Krysilla, from the lounge. 

“Hi there, I’m Krysilla,” she said as she came in. There was a guitar strapped to her back. “How are we today?”

“Fine, but can you tell these two to leave?” He stuck his thumb out, pointing it between himself and them. “They shouldn’t be stuck in here with me.”

“Oh, and I should?” she asked, raising her eyebrow as she slung the guitar off. 

“No,” he replied. He crossed his arms and slumped back on his pillows, frowning at all of them. “You should all go home and enjoy yourselves.”

“Well frankly, I enjoy giving concerts.” Krysilla perched on the edge of the chair Rashiz had vacated. She pulled the guitar up into her lap, laying her hand over the strings and levelling a calm but firm smile at Rashiz’s father, cocking her head to one side. “Shall we?”

After a few seconds of charged silence-the CD player had been turned off-Rashiz’s father harrumphed, turning his head to stare out the window before waving his hand to indicate she could start playing. Krysilla's smile widened, and she began to pluck at the strings. A quiet, achingly familiar melody began to take form, slow and soft and tender, and Jalen found himself spellbound as Krysilla began to sing:

_For you, they’ll be no crying_

_For you, the sun will be shining_

_'Cause I feel that when I'm with you_

_It's alright_

_I know it's right_

Something about the expression on her face and the earnestness of her voice made Jalen’s throat feel tight, and he looked away as if there was a bright light, his eyes resting on Rashiz without a thought. She was looking at her father, who still stared out the window, with an expression so heartbreakingly full of love that Jalen immediately felt the tears begin to roll down his cheeks. Luckily, Rashiz’s eyes remained fixed on the figure in the bed, and she didn’t seem to notice. Just as he was managing to get his emotions under control, Krysilla was finishing the song, only to transition seamlessly into the next, the music flowing out of her like water.

She played for at least an hour, and with a start, Jalen realized that Harexius had entered the room at some point. He stood near the door, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned back against the wall, watching Krysilla play. It would take a fool not to see the adoration in his eyes. As if sensing him, Krysilla finally came to a stop and gave a polite smile to Rashiz’s father.

“If you’ll pardon me, my ride’s here.”

“Thank you,” he said, almost reverently. “That was…”

“I’m glad you enjoyed.” She deftly put her guitar away, swinging it up onto her back. “I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. You’re in good hands.” She nodded to Rashiz, who gave her a grateful smile. Krysilla turned, taking Harexius’s offered arm, and the two of them walked out together, a silent conversation occurring between Rashiz and Harexius just before they left. Almost as soon as the door shut with a soft click, Jalen looked over to see that Rashiz’s father had fallen asleep. His mouth hung open, the occasional sonorous snore issuing from it. Jalen felt rather than saw Rashiz move up beside the bed, her hands entering his field of vision as she gently hiked up the blankets around her father’s shoulders, tucking him. She turned, and without a sound, lifted the chair on the opposite side of the bed, carrying it as if it weighed nothing over to Jalen’s side, setting it down as if it would shatter. She sat, leaning in to whisper,

“This happens after her concerts. I think he feels so much that it takes all the wind out of him.”

Jalen smiled slightly. They were sitting close enough now that he could feel her warmth, emanating from her like invisible sunbeams. His eyes flagged slightly, lids heavy. When they next opened, Jalen saw that the light of the room had changed to late sunset, and he frowned in confusion, only then realizing that his cheek was pressed to something. Rashiz’s arm. She smiled at him as he woke, and he prayed that she didn’t see the color in his face at his embarrassment.

“Looks like it took the wind out of your sails too,” she said softly.

“I’m sorry. How long was I out?” Jalen straightened up quickly.

“Couple hours. Seems like you needed the rest. I’m actually glad you’re awake, it’s almost time to go.”

“Oh. Should we-” he gestured toward her father’s still sleeping form. “-wake him up?”

“No, no, he needs the rest too. I’m just going to talk to the nurse that took over for Harexius before we go. Be right back.” With that, she stood, stretching her arms over her head before going out to the hall, the door shutting behind her quieter than a whisper. Jalen looked back at her father. He seemed peaceful in sleep, his brow unfurrowed. As Jalen gazed down at him, the light from the sunset shining through the window behind him fell on the man’s face, deep orange illuminating one side, the other cast in shadow. His eyelids twitched, and he muttered something unintelligible. It sounded Greek. Jalen stood, turning to close the blind behind him.

“Leave it open,” came a voice from behind him. Jalen turned to see Rashiz’s father sitting up, his hand shielding his eyes. As Jalen retreated from the window, his hand lowered, and he closed his eyes, clearly soaking up the sun’s warmth. After a few minutes of quiet, the sun finally slipped behind a line of buildings. The room felt cold in its absence. Rashiz’s father opened his eyes after a long moment, leveling his gaze at Jalen.

“What’s your name?”

Jalen felt his stomach lurch as he looked at the man in front him, but managed to fix a slight smile on his face before his true feelings managed to spring to the surface. 

“Jalen. Can I get you anything?”

Rashiz’s father shook his head, but his countenance looked troubled, his eyes remaining fixed on Jalen. Just as Jalen was starting to feel subconscious, he heard the door creak open, looking up to see Rashiz peering in inquisitively.

“Oh, you’re awake! My colleague and I were just about to head out, but is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable before we go?” She’d stepped into the room and walked nearer to the bedside. Her father looked at her for a long moment. 

“I’m supposed to remember you.” It wasn’t a question. 

“Wh-” Rashiz’s smile immediately fell, her eyes going wide, brows upturned. Her father shook his head.

“I’m sorry.”

Jalen could see the tears swimming in her eyes as she stood there, utterly frozen at her father’s words. He began crossing over to her side of the hand, stopping when he saw a gnarled, broken hand reach out, taking hers gently.

“Please forgive me,” he said, giving his daughter’s hand a squeeze. The tears spilled from Rashiz’s eyes, but still she remained frozen. Her father let out a soft, low sound at the sight, reaching up as if to wipe her tears away, though Rashiz was far too tall for him to reach. 

“I’m s-sorry,” she managed to stutter, wiping at her tears frantically with the back of her hand. 

“I’m the one who should be sorry, making a sweet girl like you cry.” This only seemed to make Rashiz cry all the harder, her shoulders shaking now. Jalen felt utterly helpless, unable to do anything but watch. He was afraid that if he moved, this moment would break, the pieces scattered and irreparable. Then, slowly, as if approaching a wild animal, Rashiz’s father brought his other hand up, resting it on her arm all while gazing at her with sad eyes, that even now held no recognition, only a forlorn understanding that something had been lost. Jalen saw him give Rashiz’s hand a small tug and, as if on instinct, Rashiz knelt by the side of the bed, her father’s arms wrapping around her while he gently hushed her crying. They stayed that way a long time before finally Rashiz pulled back from the embrace.

“ _ευχαριστώ_ ,” she rasped, voice breaking.

“Not at all,” her father replied warmly, his eyes shining down at her. “Thank _you_ for being so kind in taking care of a wrinkled old man like me.”

Rashiz gave a sort of aborted giggle, her throat still thick from crying. She turned suddenly, still kneeling, as if realizing Jalen was still there, and he gave her a smile which she returned in kind. 

“We’d better be going then.” Rashiz turned once more to look at her father. “You’re sure there’s nothing I can do to make you more comfortable?”

He shook his head, waving his hand in front of his face dismissively. “I’m fine as is. You two head on home.” 

Jalen handed Rashiz her jacket after she rose from the floor, shrugging his own on a moment later. He began to follow Rashiz out the door when her father’s voice called from behind him.

“Ah, actually, Jal- _άκης_ , come adjust my pillow.” Jalen understood that he was being referred to and paused a moment, looking to Rashiz for confirmation that it was alright he did it and not her. The corners of her eyes turned up in a silent yes. He pivoted, returning to the head of the bed, Rashiz’s father leaning forward as Jalen reached back, scooting the pillow up.

“You be good to her, you hear?” Her father’s voice was barely above a whisper. 

“I-” Jalen began, but the brown eyes that stared into his own held such sway that instead of protesting as he was accustomed to, Jalen simply nodded. “-I will.”

With that, Rashiz’s father smiled and lay back, his eyes closing. Within moments, he was asleep. Jalen crept quietly to the door, Rashiz opening it for him, and the two of them made their way down the long linoleum hallway and out into the cold night. They didn’t speak, not until they had finally pulled into their parking spot at home. Rashiz sat a long moment before turning to Jalen, her eyes shimmering with grateful tears. 

“He’s never realized he used to know me, not since he forgot. The fact that some part of him still remembers-I-I hadn’t hugged him in over a year.” She gave a shaky laugh. “Today was the happiest I’ve been in, well, I don’t know how long. Thank you.”

“For what?” Rashiz shrugged, still beaming.

“I don’t know, just, having you there made it feel… more real I guess.”

“Well if all it takes to make you this happy is me standing around like a potted plant, then I’d gladly do it every day.” Rashiz laughed, her nose wrinkling in mirth, and Jalen couldn’t help but laugh too, shoulders bunching up by his ears. The two of them finally fell quiet, with only the rumble of the car’s engine to keep them company. Jalen noticed distantly that the car's windows had fogged up. Jalen felt a shiver run up his spine as he looked at Rashiz, her golden eyes returning his gaze steadily, something about them making him feel almost like he was being pinned in place. In moments like this, it almost seemed like… that she… 

A flash of movement near the front of the building drew Jalen’s eyes instinctively.

“Nelle?”

“Huh?” Rashiz craned her head around to share Jalen’s view of their copper-scaled friend’s familiar face. “Wait, you're right, it really is her.”

The two of them exited the car at the same time, Nelle turning to look at them as they came, though Jalen got the distinct impression that she had known they were there as soon as they had pulled in, probably before. She smiled, closed-mouth as they reached her.

“Nelle, why didn’t you tell me you were coming home for Yule?” Rashiz cried, leveling an accusatory pout at the woman in question. Nelle gave her a calm smile.

“Didn’t know I was coming in until about sixteen hours ago. Been flying all day, didn’t want to bother you when you were visiting your dad.”

“Well, why don’t you come in, have something warm to drink?”

Twenty minutes later, as they sat in the living room, each cupping a mug of hot cocoa or honeyed milk- the latter Jalen’s, he’d gotten addicted to the stuff ever since Rashiz had given it to him- Nelle let out a sigh, putting her mug down on the coffee table and gazing at the small ripples that echoed from the center before bouncing off the sides. 

“I’m happy to be here, but I want to be honest with both of you.” She looked up. “I was actually here to talk to Jalen about something.”

“What about?” asked Jalen, confused. Nelle had never been much one for talking when he’d known her. 

“Well, it’s-” Nelle’s face was usually hard to read but Jalen swore she looked pained. “-it’s about Mr.Jacobi.”

Jalen’s hands spasmed, his drink barely managing not to slosh out onto the floor. He felt the blood drain from his face. Rashiz turned to look at him, standing when she saw his expression and coming near only to stop when she saw his involuntary flinch at her approach, her eyes full of bewilderment and concern. His chest felt tight. It was getting harder to breath, and Jalen felt his vision tunneling, the memories beginning to scream up from the recesses of his mind where he tried so hard not to let them out. Then through the tumult and the din came a single phrase, clear as crystal.

“He’s dead.”

The pure shock at Nelle’s words managed to break Jalen out of the spiral. Everything felt quiet.

“What?”

“He’s dead. I tracked him down after you told me what happened. Went to his town. Fucker died just a few days after I got back to the country. Was already buried in the ground by the time I found him. Sorry I couldn’t kill him myself.” Nelle stood. “I’m sorry for dropping that on you, but I thought you deserved to know.” 

“I-I appreciate it. Thanks.” Nelle nodded stiffly, before turning and putting on her coat. 

“I’m sorry I can’t stay longer, want to make it back to the farm before everyone goes to sleep. I’ll be in town for at least a few days.” Nelle hovered by the door a few moments before finally giving the handle a turn. The quiet click it made as it shut behind her only served to make the roaring silence that much more loud. 

“Jalen?” He looked up to see Rashiz, her hands wringing together slowly. Her brows were drawn, her eyes searching his while Jalen felt his own face remain impassive. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he lied, giving her a smile.


	17. A Terror and a Testimony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this chapter contains a brief depiction of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse of a child. Please read at your own discretion.

His feet slipped down as silently as he could from the bed. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but the house was quiet. The TV had been off for at least an hour, which usually meant it was safe. He had lost track of time earlier in the day and hadn’t had time to eat in the kitchen or grab anything to have later, the sound of the car pulling into the driveway causing Jalen to scurry to his room, heart jack-hammering and hands shaking before he’d even thought of how his stomach would be growling in the wee hours. He opened his door, just a crack, jamming it up and towards the hinge to keep the squeaking quiet. There were no lights on in the living room. Jalen waited a long moment before opening the door a little more. Nothing. He crouched down to peer around the edge. The other bedroom door was closed. 

He crept down the hall, keeping close to the wall. At times like this, he was grateful for the carpet underfoot, even if it smelled of stale beer and old cigarettes. Well, everything in the house smelled of the last. Jalen turned to go into the kitchen just as the door to the fridge opened, the light from within landing on him like a spotlight. He froze, watching as if in slow motion as Earl Jacobi took a beer out, turning as if on instinct and fixing Jalen with a level stare. Jalen felt pinned in place, as capable of moving as a marble statue. Earl grabbed a bottle opener from the counter nearby, Jalen’s eyes quickly glancing to see several other empty bottles next to it. Still looking at Jalen, he opened the beer, taking a long swig from it. A few drops fell from the corner of his mouth and down his chin, foam clinging to his mustache as he lowered the bottle. He held it out to Jalen.

“You want some?”

Jalen looked from the bottle to him in confusion, utterly unable to read the expression on his foster father’s face. After enough silence, Earl shrugged, taking another long draught. He leaned his elbows back on the counter, still looking at Jalen with an impassive expression, the fridge door wide open still, its light still falling on him. A deer in the headlights. 

“Well go on, close it.” Earl said gruffly, pulling a box of cigarettes from his pocket and shaking one out. Jalen waited a moment before taking a faltering step forward. Earl didn’t move except to put the cigarette between his lips, fiddling in his pocket for a lighter. Jalen took another step forward. Another. Finally he reached a hand out, which he was desperately trying to keep from trembling, and got a hold on the handle, shutting the fridge with a soft clunk. His eyes were no longer adjusted to the dark and for a long moment, there was nothing but inky velvet blackness. Earl’s lighter flashed into existence, and Jalen saw the plane’s of the man’s face lit from before. He looked like someone trying to tell a ghost story. Earl lit his cigarette. The embers glowed a beat later, once more lighting his face, dimmer this time. 

“Why were you coming to the kitchen anyway? Looking for a midnight snack?”

Jalen remained quiet. Another flare of the embers. 

“If you’re sneaking in here at night to eat that must mean I’m not feeding you enough, is that right?”

“N-n-no,” Jalen whispered.

“What was that? Speak up.”

“N-no, sir.”

“Okay, so I’m feeding you enough. Then, if I’m feeding you enough, why sneak around like a little rat at night, stealing my hard-earned food?”

“I-I wasn’t-” Jalen felt an iron grip on his upper arm as he was wrenched forward, his shoulder wrenching as he tried to resist the movement. 

“Oh yes you were,” Earl hissed, the smoke on his breath making Jalen’s eyes burn. “You’re a little thief, and you know that. You stole her from me. And still I keep you here out of the kindness of my heart. You should be grateful I haven’t dumped you on the street.”

Earl gave a twist to Jalen’s arm and he cried out involuntarily, tears springing to his eyes. 

“You’re weak, and pathetic, and we were the only ones that wanted you. You are nothing, do you understand?

He was shaking now, tears falling freely. Earl let out a low, bitter laugh, shaking his head.

“Look at you, little bitch. Crying like a goddamn girl over nothing. I ain’t even really hurt you.” Earl’s hand came up, and he took a long drag of his cigarette. He looked at it thoughtfully a moment, blowing the smoke out through his nose. He smiled. 

“I’ll give you something to cry about.”

Jalen’s scream rang out before the glowing end even touched his skin, and it kept going, on and on, even as a voice echoed in his head,

“Jalen, Jalen, wake up.” 

His eyes opened to see the dark gray outlines of the bedroom, saw his legs tangled in the sheets, and Rashiz sitting up next to him, her eyes searching his face and full of worry. 

“I-I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“You don’t- I’ve never seen you like that, are you…” 

“I’m alright, you can go back to-”

“No.” She leaned forward, intent written in the line of her brow. “You’re not alright, you’re not, and I should have-I’m sorry.” Her expression softened again, and her shoulders rose and fell in a shaky sigh as she looked at him, sorrow and something akin to guilt swirling in her eyes. She said no more but she didn’t need to. The sob clawed its way up through his throat, arms coming up to wrap around himself as his face began to contort with the force of his suppressed weeping, his frame shaking as he ducked his head in towards his chest. Rashiz let out a sad sort of hum, her hand coming up slowly to touch his arm. He turned into it, burying his head into her shoulder, arms wrapping around her massive frame as her hand ran up and down his back. They lay back eventually, Rashiz drawing the blankets up over them as Jalen continued to cry in great, racking sobs all while Rashiz continued to stroke his back, long and soothing and gentle and good. It grew quiet after a time. Jalen could hear the sound of air filling Rashiz’s lungs, the steady pulse of her heart. 

“I was eleven,” he whispered. The arm that was not running over his back tightened where it pressed him to her, her free hand stilling for a fraction of a moment before resuming. Somehow the darkness, the fact that his face was still buried against her made it easier. He told her everything, how it had been good at first, with only the occasional argument between Earl and his wife Alicia. When Earl lost his job. The way they had had to move just a month after he’d come to live with them. How small and dark and damp the new house was. When the arguments had gotten worse. How one day he had seen Earl hit Alicia and cried out before he could stop himself, the way she had looked at him, as if she finally realized the nature of the marriage she was trapped in. The day he came home and she was gone. How Earl had changed after that. The things he had told Jalen during the beatings. 

“I think the worst part is-” Jalen said, his voice hoarse at this point. “-that sometimes I wonder if he was right. No one adopted me. No one-no one wanted me…”

He heard Rashiz draw in a sharp breath then, her hand going still. She felt utterly motionless before Jalen began to feel her draw back, and he felt his heart twinge as she retreated, the thought coming to him unbidden that now that she knew how broken and sad he really was, that she was leaving now, like she deserved to. But she only pulled back far enough to look him in the eyes, the hand that had been on his back coming up to rest on his cheek. 

“You are so loved, you know that right?” She asked, and the earnestness in her voice and in the expression on her face stalled the breath in his throat. She continued,

“Harpo, Evets, Nelle, Horace, your students, there are so many people who love you, who want you in their lives. I-” she cut herself off, and Jalen knew she couldn’t say it. Not to him.

“That’s alright, I-I know. Thank you, for everything. I’ve never told anyone that. Not all of it, anyway” Rashiz’s eyes widened for a moment, only to give him a sad sort of smile. Jalen yawned, his eyelids growing heavy, her arms drawing him in once again until he felt completely and utterly sheltered. Safe. His last thought before he fell asleep was that even if Rashiz didn’t love him, he could almost pretend she did when she held him like this. 


End file.
